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rachana (rachana)     20 April 2013

Father neglects daughter

 

 

Sorry , this is a long story of suffering and you may have to have lil. patience to feel my paiin. Thanks in advance for reading through.
 
I am Rachana, one motherless child, aged 40 yrs., who has suffered extreme torture at the hands of stepmom owing to inefficient father and selfish blood brothers. My mother died mysteriously when i was 4 yrs. old and my father destroyed all the evidence of my mother before remarrying in the same year. None of my relatives speak of my mom and the extreme rumors in neighbourhood have always pointed a finger at my dad as the person responsible for my mother's demise. My father is a very big man in society and even my real mom's relatives are non traceable now. My blood brothers have accepted defeat, fearing my stepmom who controls my father completely. Sadly,a few events that have happened recently have given more evidence to these rumors.
 
 
1. There is no grave for my real mom and there was huge resistance from my entire family when i tried to build one. Afterall, i miss my mom so much and its heartning to see myself breaking coconut at an empty space in the family grave yard in my dad's farm house. Rest of the departed from our family have expensive granites on their resting places.
 
2. I was asking everyone to tell my mother's death date for I can finish her ceremonies related to her death which according to some elders were not done as she was buried hastily and forgotten. Sadly, all my father did was to remarry and get us a step mom in the succeeding year. As last resort, last year, i went to the hospital where she was allegedly brought after poisoning(death happened in 1975). They said they have no record of that woman. I went to the city morgue to find post-mortem findings report and there existed no record. Her death certificate was issued but I can't find any trace of it. My beautiful real mom was from a poor family and her relatives grieved and left their village fearing my dad  after my mom's death. I could not trace my mom's relatives so far. Her marriage photos, clothes etc. were destroyed on the same day she died.  I am a para medical woman and I am sure her case could not be closed as suicide without post-mortem and police investigation. Went to police station and they have no record. I gave up feeling very sad. Sadly, I was the only person interested in her details because my blood brothers were glad to call my stepmom as mom for they would recieve properties for toeing her line even though what they receive is pittance compared to what my stepmom's children get!
 
3. Having learnt from these incidents I traced my certificates to understand the anomolies. I was born to my mom but my board certificates, passport etc. are showing my stepmother's name. Why her name as mom when all she could give me was torture?
 
4. Speaking logically, how did my father manage a birth certificate of my birth that happened in 1972 with a mother's name who only became his wife in 1976? and why did my father do so? If done with good intention, why did he keep quite when my step mom was torturing me.
 
5. If I can go further, my elder brother who gladly calls my step mom as mom was born in 1970, has my stepmom's name under mother's name in his school certificates, birth certificates etc. If thats true my step step mom should be a 12 year old(stepmom was 18 yrs. when she married my dad in 1976) when she delivered her eldest child! 
 
6. On looking back, most of the torture and even physical abuse by my dad(i was as small as 4 yrs when my father beat me to call my step mom as mom) was related to me refusing to call my step mom as mom. Why should I call my stepmom as mom if all she could do was torture me?
 
 
Having spent so much of my time and money on knowing a more about my mom, who I feel has suffered more than me in this family, all I want now is not to get my death certificate as daughter of stepmother. That's the last thing that will happen to me, I am afraid.

Can I do anything legally to know more about my mom?
 
 
regards,
 
Rachana


Learning

 9 Replies

rachana (rachana)     20 April 2013

I am not born to my stepmom, its for sure. My real mom's relatves are in touch with me and they too have confirmed the same. I am normal and not hallucinating as you might be concluding. Yes, I am in search of documentary proof for my birth certificate which shows me as born to a woman who was married after my birth. Sometimes, you may have to see the real side of the story too!

 

To give you a shocker, my stepmom's marriage photos have shots of me along with my dad in wedding clothes holding me at times. I was 3 yrs old and I do remember a lil bit of that second marriage.

 

regrds,

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mango (Consultant)     20 April 2013

Need Justice @ Personally, I don't believe that it is a case of hallucination. If you've missed the line that she is a para-medical woman; don't you think so that a person who could help other in  emergency situation would have at least stable mind. If all the facts above are true, it's a case of murder by a rich man!

 

Rachana @ Few questions here -

 

1. There is no grave for my real mom and there was huge resistance from my entire family when i tried to build one.

1. Do you belong to a Christian/Muslim family? In Hindu religion, dead people are cremated (not buried) and after the cremation the bones and ashes of the deceased are thrown into the Ganga river. So by name you seem to be a Hindu girl but by the methodology you follow, it seems to be a Christian/Muslim girl. It could be possible that it was inter-caste marriage and your mother had been cremated as per Hindu traditions.

 

2a. Her marriage photos, clothes etc. were destroyed on the same day she died.

2a. I believe in Hindu religion, except photo, everything is destroyed after death. Do you see any reason for keeping the related items?

 

2b. I am a para medical woman and I am sure her case could not be closed as suicide without post-mortem and police investigation. Went to police station and they have no record.

2b. We are talking about 39 years old record details. Quite obviously, if won't be easy to find. Did you file any formal complaint about the missing details like RTI?

 

3. I was born to my mom but my board certificates, passport etc. are showing my stepmother's name. Why her name as mom when all she could give me was torture?

3. Except birth certificate, every other certificate would show your step-mother name. You were born on 1972 and would have appeared for 10th exam on 1982, your step mother married to your father on 1976, so technically speaking passport and board certificate would show your step-mother as your mother.

 

4. Speaking logically, how did my father manage a birth certificate of my birth that happened in 1972 with a mother's name who only became his wife in 1976? and why did my father do so? If done with good intention, why did he keep quite when my step mom was torturing me.

4. Are you sure that your birth certificate record matches the hospital record? Did you check if your birth certificate is NOT being reissued again (by launching a false FIR that he had lost the birth certificate). Your father would had requested the authority to reissue this certificate and wanted to ensure that your real-mom name is permanently wiped-out from everyone's life.

 

5. If I can go further, my elder brother who gladly calls my step mom as mom was born in 1970, has my stepmom's name under mother's name in his school certificates, birth certificates etc.

5. School certificate could show your step-mother name for your real brother assuming the fact that your real brother started going to school when he was 6 year old (1970 + 6 year = 1976 - Got married on 1976). As far as birth certificate is concerned, same goes for your brother what I said for you in point # 4.

 

6. Why should I call my stepmom as mom if all she could do was torture me?

6. There is no common end to this issue. It is a purely family issue. Not everyone is lucky enough to have both.

 

7. all I want now is not to get my death certificate as daughter of stepmother. That's the last thing that will happen to me, I am afraid.

7. Are you planning to commit suicide or something? My humble suggestion is NOT to think about it at all!

 

If I were at your place then I would have looked for evidences from my real-mother's village. It's a place where no one can deny and people know each-other very well.

 

Mango

RAKHI BUDHIRAJA ADVOCATE (LAWYER AT BUDHIRAJA & ASSOCIATES SUPREME COURT OF INDIA)     20 April 2013

Dear Rachana,

I want to talk to you in person....as I want to really help u.

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     21 April 2013

1. A Birth (death and marriage as the case may be) can be Registered late by paying late fees. However all of them are not 'conclusive proof'.
2. When a Birth is registered late it is very much possible to have your step-mom name in it instead of biological mother name.

3. You must be earning an income, hire private detectives and trace out the details to your satisfaction which is very much possible even after lapse of few decades.
4. A medical professional should also know that via private DNA test, paternity (whether she is your step-mom or?) can also be found out why no such hint in brief is best left for you to re-think where all these are leading too.


BTW, when you say you recollect incidence of when you were 3 years old (which legally we can prove not possible today bze it was a happy incidence and not traumatic which leaves imprints in such age minor's mind) and having enjoyed ‘benefits’ of THAt birth certificate during 10th. Std. followed by same 'benefit used' for medical college admission to become today a para-medical graduate why now all these genealogy dig is the question you should put so that legal remedy can be given not emotions – sentiments is my view. This is said because under Family Law word / phrase ‘torture’ is a double edge sword and not even a single details of alleged ‘torture’ under hands of step-mom is mentioned in your two briefs.

Now let us view further, Law looks at your brief more or less in following ways;

A. If she is your step-mom then if you challenge at 40 years age of yours THAt birth certificate then it will be cancelled via a declatory Order of the Court and with which your 10th. Class and para – medical certificate will rescind back. There may be some penalty which I am not sure as no such mention in the Act I can update in the morning after referring to my notes.

B. You can though via Court request for DNA Test of your alleged to be step-mom but she has right to refuse for such tests as her Constitutional rights. No conclusion comes out then as Law cannot force her to undergo DNA test if she is shown to be ‘legally wedded wife’ of your father. I donot see any utility on this paternity stuff coming out atleast from Court.

C. If your father has large property holding and they are self acquired during his lifetime he can jolly well gift-deed to a trust or burn them in Hawai or will entire to alleged to step-mom there you nor your biological brothers can lay any claim at all. Hence I donot see any utility coming out on property of a person which is self-acquired. So the catch remains what is the property is ancestral? There you and your brothers have rights of succession only when he is no more!

D. Now let us see if you are un-married and at 40 years age what you can get from your alleged to be rich father – alleged to be step-mom? Well if you are shown to be undergoing some highly specialized high fee demanding professional studies then yes under DV Act that also if a seasoned advocate on your side you can claim education and hostel fees using DV Act. You can also claim for marriage expenses if un-married even at age 40 years. I see these two at 40 years age not that much so what is the remedy you are looking from us?

E. OK, knowing if she is your real mom or step-mom so that alleged traumas can be put to rest is that what your brief is all about ! Then I would suggest go for private DNA test and search one of my very old post where I have given link of reliable DNA Lab whose reports Courts agree to. It now-a-days cost somewhere around 22 K and taking sample of hers is not that (intrusive) difficult for such private test. Along with private DNA test hire detective and search if test proves she is not your real mom.

1 Like

rachana (rachana)     22 April 2013

 

 

First, I must thank everyone who has understood my problem. Then, I must also get the funny side of some of the observations like hallucinations and the movie EK THI DAAYAN.  I don't blame them  for I know that it’s rare to find someone like me who has everything going wrong i.e. foxy father, selfish brothers and the absence of a sister.

 

I must also correct the overboard anguish I expressed in my earlier mail worrying about my death certificate. It was just a fear expressed; even after my death people would identify me as the daughter of my stepmom. I am strong and I have a very supportive husband and 2 boys who love their mom very much. I have no intention to die, period.

I belong to southern part of AP, where burial is as common as cremation in low socio economic groups. Yes, I am a Hindu and my mother was a Hindu till her death. My father also is a Hindu. It was an arranged marriage. I agree and respect your mention of Hindu customs in Indo gangetic plains of the north. I too respect them like any other Hindu and am happy to say that I added the mitti from my mother's grave in almost all the sacred rivers of north including the prayag during my last religious trip to north.

The worst part is that even my husband was dragged into this sh*t for all they could do to help me was to blame my husband for the questions I as posing for them. Even the property angle was tried on us and my father forced my own brothers on me convincing them that all I was after was property. In reality, all he has given me was a house, which I would be happy to surrender to him anytime he wishes. My dad's latest statement is that none of the ancestral properties are in his name and he was challenging me that I will not get anything apart from that house even if I fight the same at courts.

As such women are treated worse than dogs in our families. Hence, if my father tells my brothers that girls have no say in properties, they are happy to oblige as they feel that this is a gender advantage. Forget about equal rights and courts for some time and just think of what girl expects from her maternal home in return for the unconditional love she has for her blood relatives? All she asks for is to show some affection. In my case they wanted me to distance from them the moment I was married. It’s our patience and love for our children that held me and my husband together in all the troubled times we had to go through due to my step mother's treachery. In such cases, our thoughts were more on my mother, because very slowly i understood that my mother would have gone through more tension than me till the moment she died. Yes, it’s too basic problem related to identities than one related to properties. Hope I was clear about my intention here.

                                                                                                                                                                                              

 

To reduce elaboration let me come straight to the point. My father was a womanizer from his late teens. My grandparents forced his first marriage expecting a change in his ways. If rumors are to be believed my innocent mom suffered from all sorts of in-law problems. She could tolerate everything but her husband’s womanizing ways.  As told by my family elders, she finally ended her life by consuming insecticide when I was 4 years old. All I remember was, my 9 month old brother was crying as my mother was vomiting before me. I do remember my father not moving from his newspaper as she was vomiting before kids. It was Sunday, as we later ascertained the date of death from a popular coincident (a burns case pertaining to an extra marital affair shared the same morgue happening on the same day ran in courts till 1991), and our huge combined family was not at home. Being Sunday there usually is a big commotion inside our big house on Sundays. I still have no clues to explain these anomalies.  Next thing I remember was my mother's burial. Later on it was my dad's second marriage and adoption of my younger brother by my father's elder brother who had no children at that time.

As I understood overtime, my father grew big but bigger in womanizing habits. Still, things were happening for my step mom's kids and not us. Yes, I was aware of all these facts but I was always

having a hope on my dad for I had none but dad & I thought dad would respond and react someday. It was only after I was sent away to TN for my graduation in 1989, my father got major share of my grandfather’s property, after a big fight and heart break for the old man. From that day my dad kept me as far away from home as possible all the while acting that he was aware of my problems. That is what a motherless girl like me thinks when her father shows little love.

 

One big question remained; if what has been said has to be believed why my step mom is happy and cruel even when my father was worse than he was before - I mean in his womanizing habits.

 

I cannot run Zee TV soap here by elaborating the various domestic events highlighting the step mother torture. Neither the logic seekers nor law experts have any time and space for this tremendous pain a girl suffers; thanks to our great system where a girl should consider lucky if everything works out well for her. Unfortunately, I was not lucky.

 

Connecting to my story again, I lived with this hope of getting my due affection from father till I graduated. Then came my marriage. Meanwhile, my brothers, one elder and one younger to me married before me and they were busy and practical by the time I was married. On the day of marriage, my mother and step mom were not to be seen. Kanyaadaan considered so crucial to our customs here was not done by

my dad; things started to get clearer. With huge friction, kanyaadaan was done by my father's brother. I had to take the pressure in controlling all the ugly events from my in-laws. Then it’s again

a Zee tv soap that me and my husband had to with stand all pressures of early marriage days succeeding a high volatge marriage. My father started showing his real colors; forget about helping me in any way, he started taking our conventions to his advantage. He wanted me to get away; I needed lots of help to complete my internship. To my happiness or horror, I became pregnant the succeeding year. The worst was yet to come; my dad put my blood brothers as layers to protect him and his wife for all the questions I was posing for them. I know, law has no ruling to see my pain when my own blood brothers and their wives were doing yeomen service to my step sister and their hubbies. Their pregnancies were smooth and at my father's home and mine were at my home. Moreover, at that time my hubby was in search of job. Luckily, my husband understood my problem and from that time he was instrumental in preventing all son-in-law related problems in such a mess. His knowledge of psychology may have helped him for he always says to his colleagues 'I have three kids; my 2 sons and my wife'

 

 

Now to the logical conclusion; all this noise must be for property. True, it began with that. With so much of trouble all I wanted was my due share after my eldest son was born. I was given a house

 which was already rented and the rents were being retained by my father. Next logical question, what were your in-laws and husband doing when things were going so far. After initial frictions, all

my husband did was to keep his parents away from this sh*t; for he always believed that they cannot understand my situations and will only complicate the matters when egos of the elders clash. He too had feared rupture of fragile relations if he talks anything about what I am getting.

Meanwhile, we settled in our jobs and had a second child too. We had our share of complications in the second child birth too.  Subsequently, my father was happy to be more distanced from me. I was always sad in occasional social gatherings where my own blood brothers and their wives were doing extra service to my step sisters and their families.

Then I started to look back and understood what really went wrong with me. If I can summarize(yes, i may be wrong!)

 

1. My father and stepmom had a simple understanding on day one of their marriage; my father can womanize as long as he takes care of ONLY stepmom's children and keeps the first wife's children away.

2. Being a very clever man, my dad always trained my own brothers as instruments to keep me at bay. His job was made simple by our conventions and practices. All he needs to do is to warn them saying 'Keep the girls and their husbands away. All they are here for is to steal your assets' But, the irony is that my step sisters are treated like more than boys and it’s my blood brothers who will tolerate exception to convention for fear of losing properties.

 

3. My dad being the most influential man amongst his brothers, his word was final and none of my father's kin oppose my dad's words fearing dire consequences. They have always kept me informed of consequences resulting from taking on my dad.

 

Believe me it took me more than 35 yrs. to understand these simple facts. With no choice and support from brothers I had to retain this hope i.e. 'after all he is my father too'. This is where I

envy all those who have mother minus 'my dad like' dad!

 

 

Having understood these simple facts, I approached my dad and asked my 1/6 th share in properties. He laughed at me and said all I get is that house and coming to ancestral properties, he says he has Converted all ancestral ownerships to stepmom's name. He gave me that house document and asked the tenant to give rents to me from that day. That was it.

 

I understand all the legal bla..bla..blaa from here; ancestral properties, filing case, girls share, going to a lawyer etc.  Yes, I was almost there. Taking time, I thought of what I would achieve by doing this? Yes, I will get lots of property, for my dad is a very rich man and there are lots of ancestral properties to be fought. Well, will this be sufficient for all 'legally intangible' pain I have suffered. Today, my brother says, ‘how does it matter to have stepmom name in records’. Who will tell these boys how much a girl suffers in the absence of mom and in the active presence of stepmom with direct blessings from selfish dad. I just told my brother one thing 'you may recollect my pain if your son neglects your own daughter and looks after your step brother's daughter or someone else’s for the sake of money'

 

As always, I remembered my mom at this juncture and thought of her days with pain. At 40 yrs, with all the education and very supporting husband and kids I am a laughing stock logically, what could have been my mom's suffering in her very short lifetime (she died before reaching 20)?

 

 

Let's keep law aside and think for sometime…

 

 

I have nothing against my stepmom despite her cruel behavior with me. yes. she was right, to tackle a father like mine you cannot be complacent. To get the major share for her kids she did her best. Torturing me was a bonus; courtesy of my father and 2 brothers. Then other questions became more important; why is real mom's identity hidden. I am not my brother to say otherwise. I am a girl and I need to know. Yes, then the succeeding questions related to my birth certificate, mother's death, coroner's report, resistance from my relatives etc.

 

And the final logical question, what would you achieve by knowing more about your dead mom? I don't have an answer here but all I want to know is all about my lovely mother.

 

Am I still hallucinating?

 

What if my mother's death was a homicide? Can't I question after all the homework I have done? Should I not know my dad's role in this? Yes, I do love my dad and unlike my brothers, I like my mom too..

 

rachana (rachana)     22 April 2013

Thank you madam. I shall get intouch with you as the need arises. Meanwhile,  please keep following my story and guide me properly.

 

rgds,

 

Rachana

rachana (rachana)     22 April 2013

@NeedJustice

Explaining the contradictions..

 

Post #1-  I could not trace my mom's relatives so far.

Post#2- My real mom's relatves are in touch with me and they too have confirmed the same.


 
My first post was not articulated properly. It's true that I could not trace anyone of my mom's relatives initially. Later, as I did my home work, I came to know that my mother's distant relatives were visiting my father's place during navratri time. eing poor, some of my mother's relatives were visiting my father's place for petty favors. They were not allowed to come to us and they were happy to recieve a bottle of beer for  I caught hold of one of them and I came to know that my mom was the youngest and had 3 brothers and  3 sisters.  Of them one brother and one sister are still alive. I spoke to her brother and he said what all he remembered. He even requested for some financial help for her daughter's marriage. I will update more info as I meet him some time later
 
rgds,
 
rachana
 

rachana (rachana)     26 April 2013

 

Hi All,
 
Thanks for all the advices so far.
 
Going further, I met one of my mom's distant relatives who is a farm labourer. He says, all he remmembers is my mom's marriage. I am planning to meet my mom's brother next week. 
 
Doubt expressed: let me play  the devil's advocate here and ask u something on ur homework which is research based. How credible is the statement of some person who is alcoholic and ready to accept petty favors?

Clarification: Its true that most of the distant relatives of my mom who visited dad's house are carzy about a drink. But, my mom's brother is not so. But the only problem is that he was the youngest and was only 10 yrs old when my mom died.

 
Now coming to the immediate concerns for me:
 
 
1. Case sheet from the hospital where she was admitted to  after alleged poisoning incident. Its a Public sector organization hospital and my dad's relatives used to work in that organization those days. 
 
Q: I, as a daughter, can ask for the details of the case which happened in 1975 or not? If so, how should I proceed any detailed help isappreciated

 
2. After death in public sector organization, she was taken to the only morgue in town those days. There an autopsy report was made and her body and death certificates were handed over to my dad's brother the next day

Q: Will they give the details of autopsy and the birth certificate if were to ask them under RTI? How should I proceed to get details of these documents
 
3. My father denies any police involvement those days.
 
Q: But its common sense that atleast some mention must be made in local PS in such cases. if so how can I get those details
 
 
3. My birth certificate taken at the time of my school admission is not with me. As such it was only father's name that was mentioned in all of my certificates including my passport which my dad got through an agent an yaer after my marriage.

Q:  But, I do have a xerox of a 'hand written' detailing given by a local doctor from provate nursing home, on their letter head mentioning my birth date and dad's name. But there is no mother's name in that detail . My mom's brother confirmed that I was born at home. If so, why this detail from a nursing where i was never born. How should I know more on this? This doctor is very close to my dad. Should I go that doctor and ask for more details?
 
 
4. I have a original birth certificate given to me by my dad in 1998. Strangely, it has no mention of mother's name. But it does have all green signatures of Revenue officers and Panchayat officers. The certificate clearly states that it was requested by my dad. This certificate hs registration number too.
 
 
Q: Can I queston the basis for this birth certificate. Can I ask for details of my mom in this? How should I proceed?


 
 
My views:
 

All of my brothers argue that how does it matter to have a different name for mother as long as you get a share of properties from father's side. I agree with their male conventions built on our society's acceptence. But, a girl thinks otherwise. Moreover, a motherless girls who has gone through hell because of no mother and a very selfish father.

 

In short, I want to be known as my mother's daughter. If my mom's name has been changed by my dad, he owes an explaination. With so much of coverup and mystery over my mom's demise, all I want the world to know is the wrong intentions, if there were any, of my dad in doing so..

 
regards,
 
Rachana

rachana (rachana)     05 May 2013

Hi All,

 

I have spoken to my mom's brother and he says that the marriage of mom and dad took place in April 1970. He is not sure about the date. He is in touch with me now and he is keen to help me in this regard.

 

Help Needed

 

1. I had been to the morgue and all I was told is that they have no records of autopsies done in 1970s

2. I had similar expirience in Police Station where they could not  provide details of the case pertaining to my mom. Once again the reason is old case and have no records.

3. Then I went to the MRO office which had issued the birth certificate. They have taken my request to give details of my mother. But, they are delaying and the response so far is luke warm.

 

Can someone detail me as to how I should proceed with Right to Information Act 

provisions to demand my information. Should I go to a lawyer.

 

Any help is appreciated,

 

regards,

 

Rachana

 


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