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Soham (Service)     13 August 2008

My course of action??

Since my marriage in Jan 2007, my marriage has been a mess. My wife paid little attention to our marriage and has always been attracted to the world outside. At the time of marriage she was working, and in my opinion she was incapable of balancing her work and marriage. There used to be a lot of quarrel between us.


Later she resigned from the company due to other reasons but certainly not to manage her marriage since the essentially the problems remained in other ways. After a few months of unemployment she joined another company and required to frequently go out of the city.


My problems have never been that she was working - but that she neglected her life with me. The neglect took several forms. In many atimes I found her excessive indulgence with male friends offensive, however she turned deaf ears to resolve the differences.


In Jan 2008, after several weeks of absence from home - on duty in another city, during which our communication was next to nothing as she was almost always unavailabale even on phone and finding some really objectionable material on certain social networking sites about her - I was really very frustrated. I insisted, with support from some of her close relatives but not her parents, to return immediately. Her parents meanwhile provided no emotional or othr forms of support to me and seemed to perfectly fine with the way their daughter was leading her life.


Let me mention here, that our family structure was like - my mother, my wife and myself.


In April this year, she one day suddenly left home - leaving an email and accusing my mother of making her life unbearable. She insisted that she would never again return home and demanded that I should either firget her or move out of the home with her. I asked her for some time to move out permanently, as I could not afford two parallel establishments. I tried to whatever I could for her during the next few weeks. She moved to a rented flat, but hardly started living there as she again started going out of town to accompany her sister etc. After a few weeks when we met again she started becoming almost hysterical and accussed me of not being supportive and mentioned that our paths were since that night different. Thsis was in June. From that time till last week we hardly had any contact, but I was desperately trying to make her understand that I dont have any problems to move out but she had to talk reasonably and stop falsely accusinbg me of ruining her career and life. I sought help from relatives and friends so that she would atleast come over meet in a collective way with family elders etc and thrash out issues and chalk out plans for the future. But she refuses, adamantly and hysterically pushed my pleas aside.


Last week she collected all her remaining items and jewellery from my home and I mentioned that atleast lets keep contact open and think of something together in future. I asked her for two signed documents - one to declare that she has collected all the items and jewellery and another to basically state that I am no longer responsible for anything that happens to her. She refused to do that...and then just last week I heard from other sources she has left the city, moved to another city. When I asked her parents for her whereabouts they refused to provide any contact details. She wrote me an email, but has not provided any other details, like phone number...


Now my questions are...


isnt this desertion?

do I have a right to her presence in a gathering to come to a mutually favorable settlement - together or through a divorce. Either way my life can not be held hanging and be falsely accussed

as a husband I think I had a right to a more fulfilling marriage. Though I can not quantify, what are my rights here?

doesnt the court suggest counselling or spending more time to bond?

I am scared - she had actually threatened me with police and her father mentioned vaguely of some 'action'. I think to prove me guilty they wil represent facts, turn and twist the truths. I have seen that trait in the way she talked with me during our quarrels/arguments. Are they considering police/legal action? Do I have preventive measures?


Finally let me mention, that I am not particularly seeking a divorce. We got married after 4 years of courtship and somewhere I still love her. But I have seen her change from being a nice girl to a kind of a woman I would never have married. What I really want is to be settled with her. I am not a violent or abusive person, but because of her behavior and attitude I have often been suspecting and angry many times. She has surprised me many times - by moving out of home and then out of the city completely. And I think all this is very calculated. I am looking for fairness, and I am looking for a compromise. I am ready to certain terms and I think so should she be. Dont I have a right to being treated fairly? Since she and her parents are not cooperating, I am planning to channel my appeals through the judicial system. How should I proceed?

 



Learning

 7 Replies

Srinivas.B.S.S.T ( Advocate)     13 August 2008

 I have gone through your
lengthly query. I am sorry for what has happend to you. Sir this
clearly amounts to dessertion. But a period of one year dessertion is a
must to file a petition for divorce on that ground. But once you file a
petition for divorce there is every liklyhood that your wife may react
by filing a criminal complaint under Section 498-A, to get protection
from  that you have to file a petition under section 9 of HMAct
seeking restitution of conjugal rights. Then we can know what exactly
is in her mind. If she is willing to come and join you then its good or
if she comes for a compromise then you can be at peace.  But to
have a proof that she left from your house, do address a letter by way
of a registered post with acknowledgement due to your in-laws
mentioning the facts that how she behaved with you and on which date
she left and also ask them to furnish her address, so that you can keep
that for the sake of record.If you need further clarification you can contact me at s_bsst@yahoo.com or you can call me at 94401-20259

Ajay kumar singh (Advocate)     14 August 2008

It is obviously a case of desertion. Every court tries its best to restore good relationship between the spouse. You should file a case for restitution of conjugal rights.

Soham (Service)     14 August 2008

Thank you Mr Srinivas and Mr Singh. I truly appreciate your taking time out read through my long narration.


Though I dont understand these legal terms at all, a case for restitution of conjugal rights sounds to me like the best option. Because I really dont want a divorce inspite of everything that has happened in the past. I am sure as human beings if we try, we both can be betther people in each other's lives. However, if she files for a divorce, can I refuse to accept it? or challenge it with an appeal for restitution of conjugal rights?


Thanks again...

Shweta Bharti (Human Resource)     14 August 2008

Dear Sohan


As you said that you want to live with your wife and don't want to give her divorce , i am not going into the details of dessertion or grounds of divorce or faults.


I read your side of story. There must be other side also. You would be surprised to know that according to a survey , in- laws interference is the most common reason ( >70%) of husban-wife fight. I am not accusing your mother of anything but it is a fact . So try to hear your wife's side story, without being judgemental. You may find a solution by patiet hearing because it is your own life that is being spoiled.


Consider your wife and your mother both an integral part of your life , without having option of leaving any of them. You will def find a way


Shweta


Shweta

Shweta Bharti (Human Resource)     14 August 2008

You can apply for “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” under s (9) of Hindu Marriage Act 1955 . 


Desertion under Section 13 (i)(ib) reads that the party has deserted the petitioner for a continuous period of a not less than two years immediately preceding the presentation of the petitioner

 

Explanation – In this sub-section , the expression “desertion” means the desertion of the petitioner by the other party to the marriage without reasonable cause and without the consent or against the wish of such party, and includes the willful neglect of the petitioner by the other party to the marriage , and its grammatical variations and cognate expressions shall be construed accordingly

 

So in your case I don’t think she has deserted you

 

try out of court settlement and work to make your marriage success. If you properly handle the situation you can make your marriage a bliss again

Mohit Attri (lawyer)     15 August 2008

yes, i agree wid dear shweta 

Soham (Service)     18 August 2008

thanks again shweta and mohit...


trust me i dont want to seek legal action unless i am really compelled to and there certainly is another side of the story. I reiterate that I am seeking a discussion to resolve issues and hopefully to put the marriage back on tracks...problem however is my wife is not willing to participapte in any further discussion; according to her this is all over and she has cut of all means of further communicstion; i think this is being unfair...


correct me if i am wrong - i think i have my rights as a spouse - marital and legal; and i wish to pursue these rights...of course she needs to be heard too...but by going away and severing communication does not resolve any issue. she can not just keep the marriage hanging...I am going to do whatever I can, but i think my options are fast diminishing; and if my pleadings cant even bring her to a discussion ground, i dont see i have any other option left but to take legal assistance...


thanks again for your patient readings...if any of you can just clear one confusion...what is the legal difference between 'separated', 'divorced', 'annulled' in terms of marital status?


thanks


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