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Pankaj   08 September 2016

Need advice on divorce

Hi,

I am in very bad situation, I have been married with my wife since 7 years and having a kid of 5 years. My wife is a doctor by profession, she got the gap in her carreer due to our kid. She is housewife now, since past 3 years she is blaming me that I am the reason that she got gap in her carreer, though having child was our mutual decision. Many times I noticed her bad behaviour such as she alaways shouts for any small things, she does not respect her and my parents. She talks rudely with me that I am her servant. I see many changes in her attitude. Even she abuse me in front of her parents. I kept patience since last 3 years that sometime she will be normal situation. I spoke to her parents and made them realize that she is mentally sick and we need to consult with  a good doctor. Her parents spoke to her, but all the way my wife also is a doctor so she is not ready to visit psychatrist as she thinks that she is normal. Due to her noisy behaviour, my kid also slowly acting like her. I suggested my wife to keep kid in a hostel but she is not ready to keep him in a hostel. I am very much pissed off due to all these things. I tried taking multiple opinions from my friends, relatives. Many of them suggested to take a divorce. I was really patient, but now day by day this really brings lots of frastation to me. Please suggest, it is better to take a divorce and become separate? I do not understand the ground that I need to show to take the divorce. I heard taking divorce is not that easy in India. I am really furstrated that I do not see any ways in front me :(

Thanks for your advices in advance.



Learning

 11 Replies

theharshraval (advocate)     09 September 2016

Hindu Marriage Act, S.13 (iii) describes divorce in case of incurable unsound mind of spouse.
As a husband you should suggest her that for the benefit of both and for better future of your children, she should consult psychologist. According to you she was a doctor, so she will understand, if you tell her to go to a doctor doesn't mean that you are lunatic.
she'll definitely understand and according to circumstances given by you, if really she is having any mental problems, then as a husband you have to take her to psychologist even she resists, but with proper care and keeping her dignity in mind.

And you can get divorce only the unsoundness is incurable as per S. 13(iii) of Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.
try to save you marriage and take her proper care!

 

KS Johal   09 September 2016

Which country are you residing in at the moment? Are you originally from India or are you residing as an NRI overseas?

Sachin (N.A)     09 September 2016

Dear Pankaj,

 

I understand your position. I think you should file divorce on the ground of her medical condition, as no patient belives that he/she has some psycological problem but when you will reach to court, they will definately order her to undergo a medical test, I think if she is lunatic this will help her also and she may start taking treatment.

 

You was also right by suggesting to admit your child in hostel this will make your child relax. Go ahead even your wife antagonistic towards it.

It will be benefit for you if you can take your inlaws with you.

Be strong!!

Sachin (N.A)     09 September 2016

I never said that divorce is the only obtion. if after courts' medical check up she became ready for cooprating in her own treatment she will definetly become fit and then no need for divorce, Meanwhile her child will be in good atmosphere so it will also be benificial for child. because the main problem is she is not ready to undergo the treatment and this is affecting whole family.

Sachin (N.A)     09 September 2016

Some fools are here only to disturb others.


(Guest)

If you can't live with her, why can't you just live separately? You don't need divorce for that. Divorce is only needed to marry again. Remarriage will make child access for you difficult both legally and socially. So if kid is important for you, then you shouldn't go for divorce. Just live separately. Now if she files for divorce, you will have to part with lesser alimony, because she would have to agree for paltry amount, otherwise she'll have to run around courts to get it. 

I agree both with autohide4u and Mr. Reddi. That is classical woman behavior, not specific to any particular wife.  


(Guest)

Try to add value to the discussion, with your each post.

Pankaj   10 September 2016

I totally agree with the all comments that you posted here. But I think it is difficult to understand the situation of a man who is fighting such condition for last 3-4 years by keeping patience that one day his wife will be fine. I do not think things are moving to the right directions. All though I shared this info with my inlaws however they also not co-operating with me and at least making an attempt to take thier daughter to the doctor, even I am ready to pay doctor fees.

I came across few questions in mind, what if my wife would have my position and I would have in her, would she have supported me all the time till I get cured :)? What if I would have denied to visit doctor and mentally tourchered her :) ?. I really do not understand why in our country we always go in favor of women, don't you think that man has feelings, they are made to take stress from thier wives. 

I understand that there is limit for every other thing, I am damn sure her parents would have suggested for divorce if thier son law would have suffering from mental situation.

I think in our country all laws are in favor of women, but they never think about the man and kid those are suffering from illness of patient who is mother and wife of somebody.

P. Venu (Advocate)     10 September 2016

There are no legal elements involved unless you propose to seek a divorce either mutually or because of the admant nature of your wife amounting to marital cruelty.

A walk alone (-)     10 September 2016

She has no mental disease. It may be due to harmonic change or she is not getting your enough time. As this is a little bit true although kid is your mutual decision but she sacrifice her career. It may be possible frustration is because she sacrifice her career . Every working person wants to make a good career. And she sacrifice it only for you and your child. At this stage when she needs you , you think she is mental. After having 5 years kid at this stage you should not think about divorce . You can help her now also in doing/ getting job. I know its hard for you to handle this situation but just think how hard it was for her to sacrifice her career for you. At this time she dnt need psychiatrist she need only your help to come out of this situation. You can also take help of marriage counselor in this matter. Before filing divorce just think about future of your kid after divorce. You can remarry what about kid? Brother Sit with a cool mind spend time with her , help her in some house work/ kid work, help her in getting job again, help her in understanding that you can also take care of child, now as child is 5 years she can also start her job. Try this for six months or one year. It may possible things become right. Try to take help of counselor. Divorce is not a solution it itself a big problem

A walk alone (-)     10 September 2016

She has no mental disease. It may be due to harmonic change or she is not getting your enough time. As this is a little bit true although kid is your mutual decision but she sacrifice her career. It may be possible frustration is because she sacrifice her career . Every working person wants to make a good career. And she sacrifice it only for you and your child. At this stage when she needs you , you think she is mental. After having 5 years kid at this stage you should not think about divorce . You can help her now also in doing/ getting job. I know its hard for you to handle this situation but just think how hard it was for her to sacrifice her career for you. At this time she dnt need psychiatrist she need only your help to come out of this situation. You can also take help of marriage counselor in this matter. Before filing divorce just think about future of your kid after divorce. You can remarry what about kid? Brother Sit with a cool mind spend time with her , help her in some house work/ kid work, help her in getting job again, help her in understanding that you can also take care of child, now as child is 5 years she can also start her job. Try this for six months or one year. It may possible things become right. Try to take help of counselor. Divorce is not a solution it itself a big problem

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