Marital break up must not Traumatise sons

The high and mighty are beyond reproach. However, the life of a public figure is like an open book, and any citizen can read any page. I sympathize with Shri Omar Abdullah and Smt Payal Nath, husband and wife, for the marital predicament that they are in at the moment. I wish the couple come out of this difficult situation of marital separation and live together as husband and wife once again. They will be bringing up their two sons better as parents. Separation means the children will be brought up by a single parent, perhaps the mother, and it may cause an impediment in the development of a well rounded personality of the two boys. The heart of an impartial observer bleeds for the boys.

There is no use of going into the reasons that caused this separation. Now it has to be accepted as a fait accompanies.  Shri Omar did well to clarify his position that he is not contemplating to tie the nuptial knot again. The two young ladies, one of the Delhi media world and the other of a political family of the Kashmir valley were dragged into this quagmire unnecessarily. We should take Omar's word for it that he is not contemplating to  make anyone of the two charming young ladies  his bride. let us leave it at that.

I shall be failing in my duty if I do not counsel the separated couple to take the unpleasant break up in the normal stride of life. They should not avoid seeing each other but make it a point to meet at a public place along with their two sons for the sake of sons' smooth life in future.

PUBLIC DUTY

It is nice of Shri Omar Abdullah to reassure the citizens of India that while he went through the trials and tribulations of this pre-separation period, he did not let the State of J&K suffer or feel ignored by its own Chief Minister. The affairs of State take precedence over private matters, no matter how sad the latter may be. Their marriage was on the rocks-this perception was shared by the high and the low both. It was talk of the town and was doing damage to both the families; of the husband and that of the wife.

A gossip is a gossip and gossip mongers are there in all strata of the society. Gossip mongers flourish because men and women who are well provided for but have ample time at their disposal, find rumour mongering an engaging pastime. It keeps the rumour mongers in circulation and many a time he earns a meal at the table of the rich who have ample time to while away. A popular saying in Hindi runs thus: “per ninda param sukham” that is berating others and indulging in character assassination of the known and the unknown gives the wily critic joy unbound. A word of caution before one entertains the remotest idea of getting a free lunch by rumour mongering and character assassination. Firstly, there is no free lunch in this world. One pays for it directly or indirectly. Secondly, the rumour mongers are looked down upon in a civilized society. Their presence in civil society is not welcome. Many wily persons entertain them but such occasions are few and far between.

Returning to Omar and Payal, we find that Payal has maintained a lady like silence so far. Perhaps her culture of thousands of years inherited from generation to generation forbids her to wash her dirty linen in public. This washing causes pain to the members of the inner circle and gives no joy to the cultured elements in the social order. A Hindi couplet sums up pain and silence in a situation like this :

Rahiman nij man ki vyatha man hi rakho goye; sun ithalaiyen sabau, baant na lehiyen koe.

Abdur Rahim Khanekhanan of Emperor Akbar’s court said that it would be wise to keep your vexing problem inside yourself. If you narrate to others, listeners will make fun of you and enjoy at your cost; none will share your predicament.

As a citizen of India I share the sadness of Omar and Payal and advise them to keep the marital anguish to themselves lest the world laughs at you and shares not your personal pain.

By Chitranjan Sawant

UPVAN  609, Sector 29, NOIDA-201303, INDIA.

Email:  upvanom@yahoo.com or sawantg.chitranjan@gmail.com