I am lady of 31 years from Mumbai married in Jan 2008.The marriage got fixed within 2 months but couldnt get much info about his character.
During the initial 2 months of wedding a friend(say B) who was also a colleague from 2002-2006 was always in touch with him to the extent that she used to call at night also. My husband is doctor but said that he has a clinic which my parents had seen .But soon after marriage he gave the clinic on rent and started searching for job elsewhere and said that this friend is helping him start another clinic in area close to her home where he can get more patients.
Before marriage when asked whether he had girlfriend he said he liked n proposed to a girl(say C) but she said no and that's it.
Through these 2 months his family's behavior towards me was very bad n i was made to slog to do household work coz of which i got spondylitis .
During this phase i also came to know that he had one more elder brother who was married and now the couple are dead .but i couldnt come to know about what was the reason.
During this time since his clinic was given on rent some papers and things were brought at home and one day i happened to come across a letter and a photo of a girl (say A).
The letter was frm abroad.This girl was a nurse and they had affair in 2003-2004 in Mumbai.In mid 2004 she left India for job there and the letter was from her from abroad posted at my husband's friend's address. From the letter I could make out that they had physical relation also which she misses being there.
When I asked my husband about it he said this letter was for his friend but his name was taken and he completely denied. I aslo kept quiet but since he tore letter n photo I didnt have any proof.The proofs were shown to his family by me before my husband tore it. but they also believed him.
After a month (ie 3 months after wedding) I went to my parents home with most of my stuffs as my husband said that they are harassing you and i cant see u in tears and give me some time and we will stay separate.But his plan was that if i stayed at his house for 3 months n cud find some secrets abt his fmly n himself then if i stay long then what all cud i find. So it was out of fear.
For 5 months till mid Sept I stayed at my mom's place.During this time he used to visit me once in a week.The friend's (B) office ws near my mom's place so he used to visit her mainly n then come to me. I didnt like that girl as i had just seen her once at my husband's house 3 days after wedding she came with a gift.She didnt attend the wedding although she came in baraat and left from out saying my husband's fmly that she is getting late and cant stay back,so she didnt meet me at reception.
I knew her number now stored with her name so later my husband stored her number in some other name but one day when he came to my mom's place to visit me i saw many times that number dialled n i called back to find and it was her voice.i scolded her and she said that my husband has taken some loan frm her and she calls for that.
I scolded my husband a lot n didnt talk for few days.
I remembered that when i left my in laws place i had taken with me some negatives which i had got while searching his unwanted stuffs from clinic.On getting it printed i saw that it ws snaps of my husband and the first girl(A) who went to abroad,they had gone to Aurangabad ,ajanta ellora fort .
I sent one copy to his home address n called him to answer now.
He said it was mistake and after she came from abroad she married someone in her religion (she was Catholic) in 2005 and then onwards he changed his cell number not to remain in contact anymore.
Friends relatives and my family said that you shud forgive him because it was past .I suffered a lot physically i became more weak with just crying all day.At my mom's place my brother and 2 young sisters were also fed up and said if u stay here after taking divorce than how will we get married ,the socail stigma attached herewith
In mid sept 2008 we took a house on rent in the same area as my mom's and he said that he hasnt told his family abt it .According to his family he stays in some hospital and works in mumbai but doesnt come home and i stay with my parents!!!!!!!!!
The girl (B) kept calling and because of her there were constant fights.He said he works somewhere else but was caught at her office.On inquiring he said i came for some patient referrals as she was a counseller in some HIV field. She was also engaged before my marriage but her engagement was broken by her as because of my husband's help she came to know that his fiance's degrees were fake.I dont know whether this was purposely done to show her family that the guy wasnt good for her.
I called her once to stay away from my husband so she said that why would she have an affair and that she knows about the girl(A)who went abroad.
I thought that yes how would she have affair with the guy knowing that he had affair previously but that thought was my mistake!
My husband said that since she had his passport with her and she wanted some of her documents which was with him they were talking to each other .I doubted that it could be some dirty photos etc n love letters to be the worst thing of all. He said after december 2008 they werent in contact and i kept a check constantly .I still dont know whether they r in contact or no maybe he is playing safe this time
Somewhere in November 2008 i caught my husband reading mail of the girl(C) colleague in the same organisation as the girl (B) duration 2005-2006.when i saw he said that he had told me that he had only proposed n nothing else still I told him to delete any such mails as to not to get any proofs later and have fight but he said that he has kept them so as to have proof that they should not malign his name since she wasnt still married .I strictly told him to delete so he just deleted few mails but i didnt know that the worst was yet to come.
I just assumed that he had 3 affairs but since i had proof of only one i always thought it may or may not be!!!!!!!!
All these 3 years(from sept 2008-sept 2011) there were constant fights because of his family's calls purposely at night time and time when they know he is with me.he still maintained that they dont know that he stays with me but i had doubt that they do know.there was no sign of any new affair.He used to even beat me and call my parents home and tell that take your daughter away or he wud leave house and come after 3-4 days .
He said that he is not in talking terms with one of his brothers who almost s*xually abused me many times and also with one of his NRI brother on his family issue(the elder brother didnt attend our wedding also)
But to my horror on a month ago i caught him reading his bro's mail and he said it was casual mail not conversation.I thought to check his mail thru mobile code which was easy to find.His fmly pple used to call frm different mobile numbers and when i would ask him he would say it was wrong number. On this same day i got his password and read some mails of his brother and came to know that they had started some business together.I thought to go deep in it and then only ask ,simultaneously he was calling a wrong call and when i asked he said someone is bothering .I immediately called that number and said "who is calling so many times".He knew it was his family person's number he took the cell phone and heard it was his mother's voice
He started beating me so much that i was shivering and shaking.I said that u told its a blank /wrong call and i was helping you.If it was your mothers number then you should have told before calling but he waned to lie .He is a big liar.He called my parents and left the house taking his personal things.
That night since i had cracked password i went through all mail and found love mails and his nude snaps of both girls(B and C) etc
since then i havent spoken to him and sent this pics to his family members to show how he his.
Why did he not delete all this in december 2008 itself so as to not get caught by me. His family liked both the girls and their family too. Then why he didnt marry either of them.
There wasnt even any pressure from family in marrying me in fact he saw my snap on matrimonial site and followed us personally as his father had expired and he was the head of family ,mother being illiterate and orthodox.
He says that i should not interfere in his personal things.and that he will lie to me and if he gets caught i shouldnt say anything if i want to stay with him.And that men are men and they are pure even if they have 100s of affairs
I still dont know whether they are in touch still or no.
we had filed for australian visa in 2009 end and probably in January 2012 visa may arrive.
What even if he agress for mutual consent and doesnt turn up after 1 year of seperation then i wont b able to file for divorce as he wont b in India.
My query is can I contest for divorce reason being infidelity as the girl's (B) affair was going on in 2008 even after wedding but as he says it ended in dec 2008 after around 3 years can i file the case as infidelity.
Will he be able to get the visa although if divorce process is on.In how much time can i get divorce if i file it soon.What are expenses as my family has their own problem and they cant support me and as my 2 sisters are still unmarried.I am a teacher and earn quite less as wrk only part time due to my spondylitis problem in may 2008 at my in laws place.
If he becomes mean as to not be problem in his visa (as that is his dream) and if he agrees for mutual consent divorce then can we get it before he leaves it can be even March -April 2012 coz Jan is just tentative.
We dont have kids yet.
Can we just remain separate even if he isnt ready for any divorce and he can marry in Australia and later on if i marry here in India and none of us put case on each other and forget each other.will our second wedding be considered legal if we have marriage certificate.
Or if we just sign an affidavit that we will not have any interference in each other's lives then that will be equal to divorce.
This time even my fmly is shattered but they are only behind me. My dad is against divorce as he says that my mom and bro had fixed the marriage (because he wasnt getting good guy) and i was already 28 and before i get married my brother would not and he was already 30.My dad also fears society and that still 2 sisters are to be married.
My husband is at his home from a month now till date.and there is no communication between us.
Reply soon
A distress lady
