Advice me!!

Sir,

You may file for divorce on the ground of adultery. Further you may also file a complaint against that guy for committing adultery which is also an offence. You should also be prepared with concrete evidence.

Regards,
Rit Arora

Advocate

7838737001

Mr. Radhakrishnan:

Being eligible or having sufficient legal cause for divorce (in this case adultery) is one thing and proving in court is another. Proving in time is yet another. Currently it is taking 4-6 years to get divorce just in family court itself. Its a package of about 4-5 different legal battles (498a, DV, maintenance, custody). Note that laws and judges are mostly on the woman's side regardless of whose mistake. In DV case, she can ask for 9 different interim reliefs including child custody, maintenance, protection orders etc. So if you apply for divorce, you will be looking at a very bad situation. With two daughters and job, it is not at all worth going in that direction. 

If you don't want to live with her, you don't need divorce for that. Even if she cheated you, for children's sake, it is worth continuing living together, at least until the kids grow up. You can always leave her later. Another option is to just talk to her and tell her you are not comfortable living in the same household as her, so that you may live separately. 

I also agree with Mr. Reddi above that nowadays having s*x with others or romancing with just one other person is quite common. The only difference is that you came to know. There are many husbands who simply don't know. So just tell yourself you are one among them and move on. Who knows, she might still be loving you. But her physical, biological desires beyond her control have driven her to get some momentary physical pleasure with someone. Internally you might be the only person in her heart (usually only the husband is).

Summarily, I strongly suggest you forget about divorce and all the legal crap. It can make your life hell. You may lose child custody and possibly even child access like I do now. Wives give a lot of fight back in these situations. Stay calm, and cool. Don't listen to friends and lawyers who might instigate you to go the legal route. They do it for reasons such as ignorance, fun, greed etc. Also I suggest not to discuss these with your friends or family -- it won't help you in the long run. Better to keep them to yourself, cool down and decide. At least you are the one who is seeking divorce, not her so you are in a position to call the shots. Keep it that way. 

Good luck. Stay cool.

Originally posted by : Radhakrishnan
	I am now 35 years old and marriage was happened 10 years back. I have two daugters. I found my wife having illegal contact with a guy  and i am not intersted in continuing with her. SInce i loved her so much and she cheated me. Most often i use to take care my kids in preparing food, getting ready for school. My wife always sleep in the home. Most of the time arguments happen in our home and she is showing her dominant character. I am sorry to say sometimes i feel like woman in adjusting all kind of things and finally now she cheated me in characters. I decided not to live with her anymore. Kindly suggest me how to apply for divorce and i dont want to give my daughters to her. because they are my world.

 

 

Please try to collect whatever evidence you can. This will help you to

1. Not face much time getting rid of 498A and DV charges which women always resort to when cornered.

2. Help in significantly reducing alimony, if not completely getting rid of it.

3. Do not worry on the custody of the kids, you will be given equal rights. Sadly the law sides with the mother first, whether they are guilty of adultery or not.

4. You may hire the services of a private investigator which will help in collecting evidence. Once you have gathered sufficient evidence, get hold of a lawyer recommended by friends, parents. 

5. The better and more detailed your evidence, the faster your divorce would be and easier for you to wipe the slate clean and restart your life.

6. Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. No exceptions.

 

Originally posted by : Venkat
	Summarily, I strongly suggest you forget about divorce and all the legal crap. It can make your life hell. You may lose child custody and possibly even child access like I do now. Wives give a lot of fight back in these situations. Stay calm, and cool. Don't listen to friends and lawyers who might instigate you to go the legal route. They do it for reasons such as ignorance, fun, greed etc. Also I suggest not to discuss these with your friends or family -- it won't help you in the long run. Better to keep them to yourself, cool down and decide. At least you are the one who is seeking divorce, not her so you are in a position to call the shots. Keep it that way.  Good luck. Stay cool.

 

Why don't you read what the query is? He has already decided to divorce. Not "forget about divorce". He has asked on what conditions to apply for divorce. Your advice is downright harmful, and sorry to put it this way, but plain stupid and ridiculous. Once a person in a marriage cheats, then it leads to loss of ones mental peace as you are cohabiting the relationship with that person every second of your life. Not only that, you are also sharing your hard earned money and future with a person who has no respect for the marriage. There is a loss of trust which eventually leads to resentment and even violence which may be of the mental/physical kind. Nobody who has been cheated on can "cool down". If they do, this indicates that they had no committment to the marriage itself in the first place.

Mr. Radhakrishnan said his kids are his world. So he should accordingly do whatever is in their best interests even if it means compromising with his wife or forgetting divorce. Otherwise he faces a huge risk of losing his children's custody, which was admitted by innocenthusband albeit with little emphasis. Divorce is not needed to live separately. It is only needed for remarriage, which a person who considers his kids his world wouldn't think about. It is instigations from people like innocenthusband (who seems truly innocent) that are a major, if not the major cause for matrimonial legal battles. So I reiterate to Mr. Radhakrishnan to calm down and think objectively. Acting under emotion will usually lead us to repent in leisure although people like innocenthusband might consider it as stu**d and ridiculous. I'm not asking him to continue to live with his wife. I'm only asking him to avoid legal battles. Initially there is the anger and denial phase when cheated. Then there is the acceptance phase. But the quality of life in that phase will be determined by actions in the first phase.

Originally posted by : Venkat
	Initially there is the anger and denial phase when cheated. Then there is the acceptance phase. But the quality of life in that phase will be determined by actions in the first phase.

 

Very well said sir.

 

Originally posted by : Venkat
	Otherwise he faces a huge risk of losing his children's custody, which was admitted by innocenthusband albeit with little emphasis.

 

You never lose custody of your kids unless you have been convicted of murder/jailed. You are their biological parent. Simple common sense, use it once in a while.

 

 

Originally posted by : Venkat
	It is instigations from people like innocenthusband (who seems truly innocent) that are a major, if not the major cause for matrimonial legal battles.

 

 

Aww, sorry you feel hurt that I called out your advice for what it is. Plain stupid and irresponsible.

 

 

Originally posted by : Venkat
	I'm only asking him to avoid legal battles. Initially there is the anger and denial phase when cheated. Then there is the acceptance phase. But the quality of life in that phase will be determined by actions in the first phase.

 

There is no legal "battle". There is no need to see it as one. If you have proof of infidelity committed by the spouse you can divorce her and it will be granted by the court. Thank god people like you did not draft the law. Imagine if it said that the spouse cannot divorce, but instead "calm down and think objectively". Why is is that people like you have no common sense, even when the law clearly provides an exit for a "marriage" that is clearly invalid?

Accept infidelity and remain in a "marriage" for the sake of the kids? This is 2016. Wake up, you are not in the sixties.