Dear all,
I was married in December 2011, to a woman who has a younger brother and a grandmother and two dogs. Her parents were divorced/separated from the time my wife was 10. Her father passed away about 10 months before our marriage. Our combined income was enough to run the family. .
She is also a working woman and we managed to live decently enough. After marriage there were a total of 6 members in the house. My wife, her brother, her grandmother, her two dogs and me. While things went on OK for the first couple of months, three/four months into the marriage everything began to change significantly. Our bedroom was always occupied by the pets or my wife's brother. Through the night. Any mention of this was brushed off as a sacrifice I had to make for the family. We also had two maids -- one 24 hour maid to look after her grandmother and another who came to clean the house wash the clothes.
I am a freelance travel writer and photographer (she knew about this much before the marriage), and full time as an editor. She had specifically had said that my travels would not be a problem, but complaints followed after marriage. I cut down on travel, in 2012 even as I realised that I was slowly being cornered. Any delay in coming from office was frowned upon. It went to such an extent that by the end of 2012, there were days when food would not be left for me if and when I came late. In the middle of all this, her mother, who I was told had never kept in touch with them, came over a couple of times, and also asked for a loan of Rs 20,000, which I gave. When ever she was home, she would ask me to make her tea the moment I returned from office, and cook dinner as the rest of them would watch TV or chat.
In April/May 2013, things became worse still, an on a night when I had a peg of rum, the dog bit me. (Just for clarity, I am not a drunk and very rarely drink. My wife's father, though was a heavy drinker and because of his activities after that, the dog had a pavlovian reflex of becoming aggressive if it smelt any alchohol. When it bit me, it punctured one of my nostrils from the inside and I was bleeding. When I reflexively slapped him, my wife went to his defense and called me scum for doing that. I said it was reflexive, but in anger also told her that it was because of the "scum" that it was this scum that was managing a six member family . That was the first time that I ever raised my voice. I immediately apologised, but she said she did not want to see my face.
We live in a Duplex, and she took the dog and went downstairs. The next morning, the episode did not end, and while I took refuge in saying I do not remember what had happened, which I hoped would prevent the matter from escalating so I could just say sorry and move on with life. That did not happen. She told me she wanted to move away. I was shocked, and told her that she should think hard before saying such things. She persisted.
This continued for two months, in which time she made it clear she did not want to see my face, and that I should leave for office before she woke up. I did so. Next she said she did not want to see my face when she returned and kept saying things that made me finally hole myself up in the upper storey of the duplex.
I was mentally and emotionally drained in all this while. I was losing sleep and my health was deteriorating. She insisted that my parents should not come for more than a week, and in the three years of marriage, my parents have come only once. In July 2013, my wife's mother came home when I was out conducting a 15-day photography workshop. When I came home, even before I could take off my shoes, she tore into me, asking how I dared to not talk to my daughter, and that I should be man enough to say sorry. When I told her that I had apologised and that her daughter was adamant that she wanted to leave despite my requests, she asked me to use my right as her husband to order her not to. I said I could not do that, precisely because it takes two to make a marriage work.
Then she suddenly began saying that I was looking for a way out and that she would not allow that. That she did not care about me, but that she would make sure I was left penniless if I did. She threatened to poison my food, her daughter ganged up and threatened to stab me when I was sleeping. Was was really afraid with all of them surrounding me and threatening me. I began feeling eating outside at a roadside stall. Things worsened still, with both of them harassing me on any pretext each day. I could never react. I began living in fear.
In August, my wife came up to me and asked me to get out of home. In a way I was relieved, I looked for a house and moved away in November, and after some time called her to ask her what she wanted after this. She said she wanted a divorce. That was in December
She called up yesterday to say she wanted to talk about the divorce and asked me to meet her. In a 2-minute talk, she said she has spoken to lawyers and despite their insistence wanted a mutual consent divorce as long as I am ready to pay her a one-time maintenance of Rs30 lakh. What do I do? Not only do I not have that kind of money, I am very afraid of what she might do if I say no.
Can a person "buy" mutual consent for Rs 30 lakh.
What can she do if I say I can't pay? What are my options if she says she will contest for divorce.
She is currently employed, drawing about Rs40,000 per month, which is more than what she earned when she got married.
We have been living separately since November 2013, and I have been confined to the upper floor of the duplex apartment for all practical purposes since about June 2013.
Knowing that the law will not take my word for anything I say, and all that we have exchanged have been largely spoken words up to the time that I moved out, what can I do now?
