Blackmail - need urgent help

This is not professional legal advise, but personally if the demands dont mean turning your life upside down, why dont you just heed to some of her demands. Married does mean making certain compromises. Just my thot.

Thanks. I agree that marriage works when we make certain compromises...but as long as it works both ways. My spouse is extremely suspicious - so suspicious that if I am in an elevator with a female (known or unknown) she becomes upset, she kept blaming me for having illicit relations with neighbors, friends, colleagues, strangers so on and on. She insisted earlier that I will promise her that I will never see my parents or any of my relatives again. She wanted me to not have non-vegetarian food, not have a facebook and linkedin account, not have any other relationships (it doesn't matter to her that I don't have any)...there is no end to her demands. I have had enough of this - and decided that I will decide what I want to do and not let her dictatate that. If I agree to this demand - there is no gurantee that this will be the last. I am a grown up and want to decide what I want or don't want to do myself. It is not about drinking it is about my individuality and conscience.

Do you still think, I must make this compromise? What are your thoughts?

Since she seems to be trying to alienate you from relatives and others, I doubt she would allow an intervention from an adult person that she respects. If that works though definitely try it out. There are many reasons to explain this type of behavior. Im quite certain that it has a lot to do with her upbringing. Another possible step might be to contact a good marriage counsellor / psychiatrist who may be able to dig better and get to the root of it.

Most importantly, keep strong and tough it out. I know it may sound stupid considering the enormous turmoil you are in but keep positive and say to yourself that you are trying to salvage your marriage. If all else fails, then you certainly know what must be done.

[These comments are not those of a legal professional. Only my personal views]

She is adult, if she prefers not to have food its her choice.

Forcing woman to act against her wish (read having food against her wish) is also cruelty.

My personal views, If you can be slave to her wish you would be happiest husband on the earth. I strongly believe to have her a session with psychiatrist. For such a small matter nobody does fast for 25 days.

@Never Give UP: Thank you for taking time to respond. I'm not sure if you are a lawer but not having food will amount to attempt to suicide. Suicide is a crime as per law. 

I guess you are one of those who will side with woman no matter what - the situation is irrelevant for you, you just want to defeat men and destroy them no matter what. 

I cannot be a slave to anyone - and there are other ways to be happy than being a slave. There is something called individuality and conscience - each has his/her own. There is no need to be a slave just to fake happiness. 

'...For such a small matter'? it is not a small matter for her, each person has different set of values. One size doesn't fit all. Are you suggesting that I'm hiding something? There you go again, you just have to take sides against men - and you will hit a self goal with that - let me assure you: you already hit a goal you made for yourself. 

@Jorge: you got it absolutely right! It is to do with her upbringing. But she is not just alienating my relatives, she doesn't want her brother, sister, parents involved in this. She doesn't want to go to a doctor either (she has become very very weak - so weak that she couldn't get up from the bed without help) because she is worried that doctor will ask the reason why she is weak.

Everyday, I urge her and beg her to have a glass of milk or glucose and I succeed only once in 2/3 days. 

I suggested that we might seek help of a councellor or a psychiatrist but she resents any of that. She is of the opinion that they will be against her (she knows she is being unresonable).

@Vikaskumar,

Thanks for your sarcastic reponse. I am the husband who stands for his belief / respect no matter what may come ahead (facing 498A, Domestic Violence and other cases). I am courageous enough to fight all cases without giving in to undue pressure from in-laws/wife side. Have conveyed to all judges in open court, that let the case proceed and run on merit i am not going to take this wife back let them run from pillar to post to get maintenance.

My above response was just to give you hint what you should do..and i hope you got the hint now.

All the best !!

P.S. I suggest you record your conversation (audio+video) with your wife, where in you are beggin her to have food and otherside is hell bent on not having it. Also involve elders / neighbours who can be on your side to give statement in case anything goes wrong.

I can appreciate what you are going through - my best wishes are with you in your fight. Life of compromises is not a life. By compromising, one is only postponing the pain to regret later. Apparently you are not one of those who take sh*t from any one. 

I didn't mean to be sarcastic but wanted to point out that you are taking sides. 

Recodings might not be tenable to prove/disprove cruelty - I checked that. Besides, if she wants to prove that I'm being cruel now, after 13 years of marriage and having 11 year old kids - she might as well attempt that. My kids know the truth and will stand by me. But she wouldn't go to court over this, she doesn't want to prove me guilty, she just wants to impose her morality on me - she doesn't want to loose me: except having her way with me, she has no other big complaints about our marriage - not big enough to seek divorce. Even if I seek divorce, she would resist it. She is very possessive of me.

Though my marriage life is not that long compared to yours, but i would like to share my exp.

I have many friends who drinks, have non-veg, smokes (secretly)..nobody at home (including wife) knows about it..

They lives life in their way without much comromise..One needs to learn to play around.

Life driven with fear is not a life. I don't want to 'play around' so to speak or any kind of 'jugad' - I want my life without fearing anyone because its my life. 

I think we have taken a detour from the main issue.

I still am in need of a credible advise - hope someone will help me out.

Mr Vikas,

You decide what you want.. to live with her or leave her. If you want to leave just gathe for her evidences of her actions, and preferably Dr certificate for her  continous fasting. File for divorce, as her act amounts to cruelty. please have a good lawyer on your side.

All the best, let the peace prevails

Also not rule out consulting phycriatrist and if possible change her and continue your married life. After 13 years

I feel really sorry teh relation to go broken

Mani

@Vikas,

I advise you to keep balance between your interest and of your wife. Being too selfish in such a divine relationship is not good for either of you.Happiness lies in giving(reasonable restriction allowed though) happniness. Sorrow can't bring happiness to anyone(think deeply without being biased).

Also,if your wife is too suspicious to refer a normal behavior, arrange for a counseling.Go for a psychologist.

If you want a real good of your wife,don't opt for a legal mediation.

Hope that suffice

regards

HI Vikas,

I think your wife loves you so much man! Show your love and she will give some space...

What did you do, when your dad doubted you when you came boozed from college late? What did you do when your mom scolded find you talking to girl next door? you compromised and lived happily correct? Did you divorce your parents? did not you, right? Please stay away from thinking anything legal on ur wife...,

my observation from her good doing:

> Fasting, for you to have a good health and family.

> Possessive that normally dont fall on any men only with loved one.

> Not entertaining her parents and relatives, the way she is securing you and like to have loved family with you.

> I dont think she cant accept life without you. very rare wife can do that!

> Please show your love and affection she will be all yours.

I understand, she is not giving you any happiness at this moment but sooner or later you will be blessed by all. Please have patients....

 Good luck. Peace be with you.