Hi Team,
I need you to pay attention to my plea and help me with the appropriate next steps.
For a better understanding, coping pasting an already written email here:
Arnab and i met at Shaadi.com - arranged marriage! Back in Bangalore Arnab had asked me to shift my field of work, quit my work and also my city. When we met in Kolkata, my father was not agreeing to this, but Arnab spoke to him and insisted that I do shift to Delhi. That is when I applied for a transfer. When I shifted to Delhi, Arnab asked me to stay with him and not take up any PG. We did have a discussion on this, but was of no use. It was then my father insisted for a registration, not that he had doubts, but just for my security. Infact in Bangalore, I had very well explained Arnab that I do not want to take any drastic steps for this relationship till we are married, but he kept insisting. I have all this on mails.
Since my company had lost the client I was working on, they delayed the confirmation of my transfer. So I was jobless in a new city. Obviously that would frustrate anyone, plus the added responsibility of the house and his pet dog. I was disturbed. So yes we did start having fights.
Later when we had a discussion on this, Arnab said that he does not like it that on Sunday he cleans the house when Saturday is off for me, when I do not get him things when I go out, when I do not share his expenses. Okay, anything to make him feel alright, did that too. Infact started overdoing on these so that he does not have any more complains.
Despite my constant efforts for the relationship, in July I came to know that Arnab has been continuing his relationship with Sohaila (his ex); infact just a day after my birthday, he did lie to me and went ahead to meet her at Park Plaza Hotel, Faridabad. Came to know about all this on my own, not that he confessed to me. I called up his mother for help. Reason being: since our families had decided upon our wedding, I thought it’s the responsibility of the guardians to rule out misunderstandings. But she felt offended and decided not to hear me and believe all that Arnab says.
People go for arranged marriage because the family intervenes during rough times like this. What kind of an arranged marriage is this then, has any one heard something like this? In an arranged marriage who delays a wedding for a year and then not agree on the registry and then easily walk off when issues happen? Wheres the commitment then?
Arnab kept crying for forgiveness and not to break the relation. I forgave Arnab trusting that the faith I lost over him, he will gain it back. But then I started noticing that he kept hiding his phone from me. Yet on his birthday I tried making him feel special, forgetting what he did during my birthday.
Arnab cheating on me, hitting me, despite me doing everything to make him happy, sacrificing my entire life for him, yes because I started loving him a lot, he kept saying wrong things to his family about me. Yes me being extremely emotional, Arnab’s indifference and harsh words used to make me imbalance and I lose my temper. Everytime I did that, I was hit to shut up, wanted to discuss issues, he used to speak and then hit me to shut up, then I took to messaging him elaborate messages during any fights or misunderstandings, so that he understands what I mean – he started blaming these on me saying that because of me he cannot concentrate on his job, losing his health? I was travelling close to 4 hours everyday, working too, it did not affect my health or job? How else could I have spoken about my problems, or is it that I didn’t have the right to? Being my partner, should not he want to ease out things for me? Specially when he did not let me have any social life? I just had him!
Arnab’s violent behavior: I do have a couple of photographs of the bruises Arnab has given me. He gets annoyed and hyper in the same things when faced by me, he expects me to take it. Ex: he can check my phone by force, but if I ask, it means offensive for him.
One day I saw some traction of messages on Arnab’s whatsapp which made me feel that he is still dating his ex. Please tell me if I am wrong here: a person who has cheated on me, does not he have to work towards gaining my trust back, or is that his right? Arnab thought it to be his right, and so never used to let me touch his phone, hit me when asked questions, etc. So keeping this behavior in mind wont a person be scared? Because of that I felt he is still dating and without discussing with him told my dad about all this for the first time and he cancelled the wedding. I did not want this. Since i had no one who would convince Arnab, i want to a marriage counselor for help and brought her to Arnab’s place in anticipation that probably a neutral person would be able to make him understand the situation and take a hold of it. He hit me infront of her. It was then I cried and asked him to forgive me and understand my reasons.
Arnab himself told me about his plan: I was a rebound for him. He wanted to take revenge from his ex so kept convincing me for things. That is the reason why he used to complain about me to his family, so that they accepts his ex. Misunderstanding are there in all relations, its on both the partners to resolve, Arnab only threatened and imposed things on me, never had a discussion. Was this fair?
Even after this his hiding phone business did not stop. When I took up a pg, I told Arnab that I would not be able to handle finances for both my pg and his house. He agreed. But soon he shifted to his new house and started saying that I need to pay for electricity, maintenance, for his pet and obviously for other household stuffs. I found it unfair that why do I need to pay for both – might as well either stay in my PG completely, or with him completely. But this never happened. By now I had taken up all the responsibilities of the house,his pet dog, taking care of him. My Saturdays used to be dedicated to only cleaning the house. I had no other life, I was so much involved. Kept doing things for him going out of my way, he just had to open his mouth for it and it was done. Simply because I was in love with him, and wanted to see him happy. Also because I wanted to give him so much love, that he feels special. And when asked about getting married, talking to his parents, again violence.
One day he was so drunk at his cousin’s place that he hit me infront of his cousin on the main road. Why? Because he was drinking for a long time and I was asking him to stop drinking and smoking and come back home.
If I used to ask him for how to talk about our wedding, he used to get irritated. but kept insisting me to stay with him. Yes he used to say in a line that when he will get a job,he will talk about us, and then the next second a fight and he forgets all the good things about me and starts blabbering harsh and abusive words for me and hit me – “you will never change, you have ruined me’. Yesterday was some one’s death so wedding postponed, today its his job, what guarantee that tomorrow there would not be any other reason. So would I keep hanging like this in the middle of nowhere. So if I ask about my security, what is so wrong in it? Why did not he have the guts to speak up for me, then with what rights were he asking me to stay with him?
His parents knew vaguely that we were still staying together. yet blamed me alone for things when i last spoke to them to tell them what was going on.Used abusive language for me.
From January I maintained to stay in my PG, for the maximum time period, also when Arnab used to ask me to stay with him. Only used to go to his place to wash clothes since that’s my washing machine.
During a recent fight, he suddenly decided to end the relationship. Somehow that respect was over in my heart for him and i too agreed to it. I also found out that while he was with me, he also used to look for girls in Shaadi.com.
But i wanted that the amount of lies and wrong things he has done to me, i would tell about all of that to his family and other influential people in his life. I emailed all of this to them asking for my justice, that what have i done so bad that I am being abused and have to face all this. The wrong things that he has done was nothing? I wanted Arnab and his family to apologize to me accept that all these were done by their son and i was not wrong. That did nit happen till date. On the other hand Arnab is calling me to say that he will commit suicide, threatening me that his dad has a lot of contacts and resources, will put me to jail, will finish me and my family.
I have most of these things recorded with me, also photos of my bruises. Please tell me whether there is any way to safegaurd myself, and also so that they repent and apologize to me? will the Indian law support my case with all these details, even if i was not married to him? I was terribly wronged, please help.
