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Abhi (Professional)     24 January 2011

Breach of Trust and Loyalty

Hello Sir/Madam,

 

I need help in understanding and deciding on what to do.

 

Six months back I got married. Recently I got to know that my wife has a love affair with her class mate while she was studying. I do see some past (before marriage) mail communication and web chat between them proposing and expressing their feelings of love; and also the chat/mails shows that they were talking over mobile for a long duration (around 1hour or so on each call). We had around 45 days gap between engagement and marriage; they had mail communication, web chats and phone conversation even that time also. One of the mails which received just 1 month before the marriage shows that they had live-in relationship aswell.

 

I do not see any mail/chat after marriage; but I doubt they will in touch over phone.

 

By knowing all this, I am disgusted and feeling humiliated. I am no more interested to live with her because of her unethical behavior.

 

Is the above data is sufficient for applying divorce?

If not, what more information should I have to prove their love affair and relationship?

On what basis (like adultery, not interested, love affair etc.) I have go for divorce?

 

I work for a private firm and getting considerable amount as the salary; and my wife is unemployed;

Being mistake from her side, if I apply for divorce; does she has the right to ask for maintenance?

 

If yes, what is the amount that she will ask for?

what does law says about the maintenance to the wife in spite of her unethical, unfaithful and disloyal behavior?

 

Please suggest me on how to proceed and what to do from my side.

 

Thanks in advance.



Learning

 22 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     24 January 2011

 

@ Author,

Kindly get over with a 'Indian men’s always look for a virgin and fair bride syndrome' called too unpractical puritan without basis in present world thought process imbibed from grannies lap still to lots of Indian men. Come to realities of 21st. century man………


A que. for you now is; before marriage and almost identical duration did you never looked upon or were friendly with any un married women kya? ......so what is so unethical, disgusting in all these when she was not even your property (means wife) that she had few male friends and once they talked of some love and some gossips as in two adults talks man. 


Also if my above lines are hurting you and you feel like jumping from Qutab Minar (though the entrance is closed now-a-days) then read just few Bare Acts (law books) such as DV Act, CrPC (i.e. S. 498a IPC), HMA, FC Act etc. and get enlightened how difficult it is going to be for your side to try to prove (that also beyond doubt) some pre-marriage friendly relationship of your wife with few of her collegues or classmates or neighbors whatever they were before the Court. 


Also for records I fail to understand why in today’s DTH Adult TV age still Indian Men’s mindset is struck to Ramas yuga ? I mean common man you sound as if you are the only last surviving ‘puritan’ MAN left in entire world.

Well, answering to your maint. Q&A; if she is un-employed then she is entitled to receive minimum 1/3rd. of your income and add further discretion of concerned court and also donot forget to add the multiple maintenance suits she has a right to file upon you to seek same maintenance and still not convinced then further add number of years you will be ended up paying just because you “moved first” means filed divorce first on some so many months back pre-marriage discoveries of a women’s (now who is your wife) past when she was nothing as in a “relationship” with you or your side of family !.


Instead I suggest, give love and security to your wife and receive compassion followed by companionship for a long innings from her which will be more counter productive then being struck to some “detective work” in a new marriage. Unless she is still onto to her old flames and is neglecting you and your side of family don’t venture into such early thoughts is fair advise to take or reject choice is yours.

Think cool and carry with your life………

3 Like

Jamai Of Law (propra)     24 January 2011

Did you ask her before marriage, in clear words, that..................

whether she had any affair in the past?

whether she had ever stared at the poster of Amir/salman khan/Hritik?

whether she had travelled ever in a crowded bus while going to college?

 

Did she ask you, in clear words, whether you ever had crush on any girl in your college days or dreamed of any bollywood heroine?

 

 

Give answers  truthfully (otherwise she may sue you for impotency!!)

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     24 January 2011

" Give answers  truthfully (otherwise she may sue you for impotency!!) "

mainingless talks.

vometing of words.

nothing solid; logical and intelligent approach.

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     24 January 2011

*  Is the above data is sufficient for applying divorce?

- not at all. sc clearly stating that whatever happen before marriage is not a subject for divorce.

 

*  what more information should I have to prove their love affair and relationship?

-  after marriage if there is any breach of contract, court will look into it.

 

*  does she has the right to ask for maintenance?

-  yes. there is full probability.

 

-  what i feel, the girl side should clear the matter to you before the marriage, very perticularly the live in relationship, which is almost equivalent to a marriage. actually it is a breach of contract. because you accept her as a maiden, which she was really not.

this is a legal point.

you may ask divorce on this ground. but you have to prove the authenticity of the datas. - a hard task.

1 Like

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     24 January 2011

talk frankly to your wife first. but  do not disclose the information you got.

talk with her tactfully.

might be it is a naughty work by some interested person who wants your divorce or detachment with your wife. therefore without proper investigation, blaming her will be a cruelty.

as you told, one after one you received the information..., it seems that someone giving you informations with bad intention. keep watch on this side also.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     24 January 2011

@ Arup

"Marriage is a contract" is a minority legal view and could be purely a persuasive direction if any and I have yet to see one single ld. Judge term "Marriage to be a contract" as in CONTRACT ! Look into the word and phrase interpretation of what is a contract and its applicabality to Family Law then may be you may understand what I am trying to express here. 
  

Hence, I differ to your above (replied to author) views.

3 Like

(Guest)

Forget about the past love affair 

As your wife loves you dont take any step  which ruin   you and your wife 

As you said I do not see any mail/chat after marriage; but I doubt they will in touch over phone

Look life doesnt run on doubt and court doesnt run on doubts but on true facts 

so my advise is to love your wife dont take any harsh steps which ruin your life and wife totally.

you have a care and love towards your wife thats why you have checked about all these information and after marriage she only loves you then left your doubt and live with your wife happily.

1 Like

(Guest)

I totally agree with Timesjobindia & Mr Kushan Vyas.

@ ABHI- Forget the past , love & support her, give time to your relationship , everything will be fine, don't look for nasty reasons or silly reason to break this marriage.  Respect your marriage & relationship. What you are expecting things are not like that, world has changed alot. so don't feel bad about your wife's past relations, past is past, think about present and make it good.

@ Timesjobindia- iam really impressed with your first post on this forum, such a good explaination, very honest.  Keep doing good.

Woodland Man (Accountant)     25 January 2011

Abhi

I am replying cause as I am going through the same situation.
I live overseas got married 8 months ago. After Marriage I came to know she had relation with her boyfriend and later he refused to marry her ...at least that’s what she told me ...I did tried to compromise when I came to know all this ...

However the betrayal I had from her never left my mind .I loved her like anything ... may be now too. But I am afraid the distrust I had from her can never leave my mind. I feel like I will never be able to trust her with anyone.

Although she says she loves me and won’t sign the DV papers..... I am full of hate for her. I am still overseas & feel like slapping her when I think of the time as she made me go through hell before telling her story.

If she was honest with me and I agree we live the so called the 21st century, she would have told me days before marriage or straight after marriage. 

It’s a selfish & mean behaviour to me

Sometimes it is different deal when it happens others life and easy to comment on others.

But the question is can you compromise, can you trust her, can you forget the things she has done in the past and last but vey important can you never ever be emotional about it……. Then stay with her(Just a personal suggestion, no rainchecksJ)

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     25 January 2011

 

I am a man here in LCI forum and I pity you men (especially @ Woodland man) who is talking of so called 'puritan' thoughts and condemning his wife who had some pre marriage affairs and or some male friends she had as if these men never had any female friends in their life and or never seen prior to marriage a naked women picture or never watched a blue film in hostel / school days ??????.


Common man if prior to marriage you wife probably did a fractional part of some of these and never told you after marriage then she is to be blamed but what about you who have so much hate for her?. Did you tell her your first hot crush, did you tell her on your first night what  was your first adult discovery below your belt, did you tell her that once you watched a naked women’s picture etc etc. All these medieval thoughts of you men are basically to be blamed for revengeful counter attitude of some of the wife’s of today in family law courts across India; they say tit for tat - now come to Court I will teach you what is puritan thoughts and at the end you are forced to compromise to her terms so where is your puritan ego then ?


Fight a legal battle legally (means from brain not from heart) based on real ‘cause of action’ and not on some pre marriage frivolous cause of action which she is not bound to tell you and well you will never win Indian family law court battles with a medieval mindset, man grow up living overseas otherwise welcome to the world of S. 498a IPC, DV Act, S. 125 CrPC and other criminal cases on you and your family ! 


Now a question to you @ Woodland Man;

How she betrayed you if she had a boyfriend prior to marriage and unfortunately she could not get married to him and never told you about it? You are simply jealous that she had a boyfriend and probably you did not have one, I mean is she supposed to tell you every seconds of her prior to marriage life kya otherwise you puritan man get betrayed ! What is this man ? A revival of medieval mindset of some of the Indian men I am discovering in Family Law forum? It is sickening to hear all these when India is stepping into becoming the second big power by 2050. 

 

2 Like

Jamai Of Law (propra)     25 January 2011

I agree with taj of india.

 

There is something called 'power of forgiveness' also

 

Woodland man,

 

Past is past, which can't be changed. But future can make the past trivial.

 

 

Ask spouse whether she still has any affection left towards ex-lover still today (but still there is no guaranty /credibility in the answer also. she may lie again!! This might be your dilemma.). If Yes, it is going to be an endless problem which you need to resolve with quick and stern measures.

 

Did she lie to her parents also? There are many questions?

 

Otherwise it may embroil into a 'hindi film' story.  And lovers are always 'given' a limelight. A lover may get applause for acts to tease the counterpart, by faking to be in love with some other person, just to make the counterpart jealous.

But what about that 'some other person'? a lover can't use that 'other person' as a playtoy and play with the feelings.

 

Is the lover/majnu/laila playing with feelings/setiments/puritan of that hapless person? IS it a game? Then teach the lovers a fitting lesson (but here there is a risk being branded as a villain unnecessarily)

 

You have right to ask clarification from your in-laws n this.

 

If you are sure there is a credible sense of remorse due to this concealment of past, then forgiving is the best and most rewarding remedy. And you will rain for the rest of the life and in-laws would also garland you but you need to do it gracefully.

 

There is no fun in derogating the life partner, there should beparity.

 

TRy to find good things that your spouse found in you and chose you, if that reflects through the spouse's behavior.

 

Catch the signal where it is heading and take a quick decision.

 

If matter reahes to court battle, there won't be any proofs at your disposal for this premarial past and it has no value in term of law also, and unnecessarily you would burn fingers in court, mutual consent is the best remedy.

 

You need to convince the spouse for it by holding constructive dialogue and snap it on cordial terms

 

That's the least damage that can happen , all other options are mutually draining and costly and rather ugly.

 

 

There is no concept of maiden/virgin in HMA at least. A Person should be 'single/major/sane/conscious/non-sapinda/hetero-gender' for marriage. This is a requirement by law.

Abhi (Professional)     25 January 2011

Thank you very much for all your valuable replies.

 

@tajobsindia:

 

Sir, Yes, you may be true that I am not thinking as 21st century man. That is true, I understand the situations around the world happening through media.

Answering to your question on did ever I looked-up for any girl.. to be honest (I am seeking help here and more over I understand telling lies will not help) I never had an affair or physical relationship with any.

Thanks for your answers and suggestions. It didn't hurt me.

 

@Jamai Of Law:

 

Sir, As I told we had 45 days gap between betrothal and marriage; we used to speak and lot of times I asked her about her relationships/affairs if any; and also asked whether she is really interested or not. This I would have asked many times during the conversations. But not about the staring the posters of bollywood stars. Again these are the honest answers.

 

She never told me the truth in spite of my continuous probe; that is what disgusting me a lot.

 

@Arup:

 

Thanks for your answers sir. As I said; they are in continuous touch over the mobile before and after the marriage. I do see few outgoing calls to his number from my wife's mobile; but lot of times its he who calls to my wife's number. Unfortunately mobile operator is not providing the incoming call history so I don't have the proof to prove that he is calling.

 

Is there any way that I will get the incoming call history of a mobile? If yes; what is the procedure?

 

And also as I said before; they both had physical relationship just 30 days before the marriage (i.e. after we engaged); I do see a mail from him to my wife's inbox stating about their physical relationship.

Is this mail is sufficient proof to prove the adultery and proceeding for the divorce?

 

As you said, I was probing her indirectly about the affairs and other things. But still she is acting innocent and not revealing about her affair.

 

As you and others said; it's ok if it was before marriage/engaged; but as she is still in touch with him ever after the marriage, which shows she is more interested in him; so I think settling the matter will not help.

 

Thanks again.

1 Like

Jamai Of Law (propra)     25 January 2011

they both had physical relationship just 30 days before the marriage (i.e. after we engaged)

 

 

There is hardly anything to speak further...

Just play wise and get out of this mess.

 

I would rather prefer to send you PM. Do read it.

 

And you may contact me on that also, Iwon't hesitate to give you good advise , I don't earn anything from it.

 

You are in right place at right time (i.e. LCI)

1 Like

Jamai Of Law (propra)     25 January 2011

One has to remember that the laws are undoubtedly biased.

 

Do you want to retaliate 'burning of wet wood alonwith dry wood' ? Or just do you want to blame it on fate and just curse yourself of this hapless situation?

 

Taj f India said "Court matter to be fought with brain and not with heart" -Held .........Especially there is no unfinished businesss or any other hapless victim such as a minor offspring etc.

 

You should have a good strategy to fight it. You have to use muscle of your brains (Remember it males who made laws in favour of females but not for such a kind/type.)

 

Best luck.

 


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