Mediator for out of court settlement

It is better to get divorce decree from the civil court, because out of court settlement and divorce is not valid.  file a divorce petition and in that you can get it settled.

Meet arun of this forum, who can supply fuel to your flames.

Hi anononymous,

Let me be frank.

It's a bit difficult to digest the contents of 'your version' of the scenario. But it is possible also. Though very rare, everything is possible in this world.

I disagree with hema ji also.

you say you have two+ kids.and your wife, from poor family background, raising kids, and estranged from you at the moment !!!

It seems a beloved once upon a time has become your enemy.

That's why you are referring to 'but demands 50 Lakhs to set me free from her cluches'

Did you ask her to set yourself free?

Pls don't mind for my free advice. But for the betterment of your kids and your future, resolve the matter with cool mind and positive attitude.

Don't settle the matter, but resolve the matter.

Winning and losing is the same in divorce........................

Below suggestion is only based on following two approach for which you need to make a call;


1. Lawyers finding is a self needs based task with 'trial and error' and no one is supposed to guide you with a name and cell no. who is best here or in open professional market, reason being BCI itself does not maintain any such data of "success / failures of respetive cases " of her member Lawyers, though one can send a letter to BCI and ask them to maintain "skill sets" of Lawyers in their online database so that general public gets benefitted in such "search" as per location / case briefs etc. etc.


2. The best mediator is one who has undergone ups and down in his / her own divorce / custody / civil - crl. suits and has come out with minimum damage to himself and it is he / she who has better "social skills set" than a Advocate who are nothing but a professional for "a case in hand based on professional fees basis". Once case goes he / she is least bothered with what is happening with his customer. Mediation is all about following social 'humane' approach and a lawyer who shys away from 'social topics discussions' calling it "hot topics" and "prior professional enggagements" lame excuses  etc. etc. then he / she is not the right material to hire for onece "mediation" based on provided briefs (means at this initial stage is what I mean).


Having said above you need to first councel yourself (means bring a reasonable amount of self calmness and understand logically) what and by when and by how much you want OUT from such partnership with two kids situation which are based on three page self summery (evaluation) parameters which you yourself needs to sit down and do;


(i) You need to first of all understand what in Law that can happen to you if you choose to split without a homework?

(ii) You also need to understand the "jugad" part of same Law !

(iii) You better need to understand the capacity (money, mind and time) you can put into figuring out the way out of it?

(iv) You will need not to be "spoon feed" and little "self help" will go a long way to make THAT CALL when time comes!

(v) You also need to undersdand that a "wife" and "child(s)" are your liability throughout their life, only thing that you will get out of these exercise is "short term peace of mind"  only if mediation "worked".

(vi) You also need to meet "other victims" to understand how and what and why of things that are happening around you and your wife and your relationship cycle with your kids when "a home" is not conducive to live for.

(vii) Out of court settlement happens only in those cases when "wife" is reasonable from day one of "getting out of bad situation" and for "reasonability" to come "evidences" + "cases" + "counter cases" + constant nurturing activities out of court such as RTI's / public servant based enquiries are some of the matters which ends up as "mediation" after some time. If you are thinking on the lines that you will "bring in a mediator on day one" and your wife will agree to THAT MEDIATOR preachings then probably it is a very narrow term approach and may boomrang very soon. A mediator needs to gain confidence of your wife (meaning that he should reflect to her that he is on her side over than your side which i call a "fixer's work" ) and he also needs confidence of her side first too and then approaches for his "best interest negotiation"  deals suggestions to both of you is the best skills forward of a mediator and for all these it takes time and energey and no. of sittings. Can a lawyer has that much time to spend on such "social productive activities when he / she can't particiapte into social ethos discussions of members?" Otherwise if she is asking 50 L then settle it for say 20 L or 30 L or 40 L what is the big deal about all these ! You become yourself a mediator which also works if you know what is in future store for three affected persons [you and your family on one side vs. your wife and her family vs. the two kids who will be hit the hardest of parents differences seeing it]

(viii) You may go to Save Indian Family (SIF) Free Counceling meetings for vicitims that takes place every Saturday at Patiala House Courts, Gate No. 2 Lawns in between 4 - 7 PM for first understanding and also talking with victims there then with self help solving your marrital problem and there you can ineract with SIF "free mediators" with base in South Delhi who can "for free" mentor you and give it a shape as soon as posisble.


All the best.

Rest advocates here can throw their guidelines / recomendations as per their "societal vision".