Dear Helping Hand Sir/Madam
Many many thanks for your thought provoking reply. I agree of your suggestions.
While my current objective is to trace my wife, i have tried all possible sources earlier when we had contact, on trying to convince her to get back in discusison mode. She was quite adament.
The first thing which pops up in my mind when I put myself in your shoes is, why are your inlaws not interested in making their daughter understand the value of life in totality?
Is there a unseen hand of theirs which has encouraged your wife to take such a step, like shying away from marital responsibilities that too after having 2 kids? Am forced to think looking at what you have told that, certainly your inlaws and your BIL support her decision so only she has got such courage to go away.
I am trying to resolve one step at a time, want to take in-laws into confidence. But her brother is not wiling to discuss, and saying you decide first and then let me know. I have told him there are many ways of finding a person, we can sit together and discuss. He is not ready to discuss. Her father is also not ready to be part of the discussion.
There is initiative from your side, but what about your parents? Are they not willing to support you in these tough times? When you say you want to take your inlaws in to confidence and move ahead, you should also take support of your parentage. Any such action you take coupled with your parentage support will only have more grip on the situation.
I have spoken to one of their uncles yesterday, asking him to intervene. he said he will talk and get back. I am sure i may get similar response.
Most probably, they will come for one time settlement, as it looks from above.
I thought, i will have to deal only with my wife if i find her, but seems that i need to deal with both her and her family.
I will certainly follow your advice and talk to her Laywer to findout whereabouts. But likely, i will face volley of questions and they may not disclose her current contacts.
I don’t think her lawyer will do such a thing, asking 100 questions. Here motive is to save the marriage, to again get back to each other, sort out differences, keeping in mind the 2 kids, and start all over again afresh. With such an intent in mind and when you put across the same to any person, nobody will ask any question as such and will just give address of where she lives.
If she is living in some adulterous relationship etc, then surely the lawyer wont give her address.
When somebody has made up their mind, it is hard to persuade them.
Yes, I agree with this. Some women are adamant, once they make up their minds, right or wrong, they stick to it, like that women are a little difficult people to handle.
For example, i may be asked, when lawyer contact is provided to me, why i haven't contacted. Though in reality, i didn't want to contact the lawyer as i want to keep legal as last resort. Any statements / answers i provide to lawyer might as well go against me later on.
Wrong. You contact any lawyer speak to that lawyer in any context nothing will happen. You are not dealing with police, but with a lawyer. With police you have to take care of what you ask or speak, when the talk is personal that too outside of court, nothing to worry.
I have thought about questions you have raised multiple times over last two years. Second marriage is not on my thoughts, with a kid in teen age. I have decided to deal one thing at a time. As long as parents are around, kids will get attention. I can always find another profession/job when need arises so that i will be able to raise them in their absence. I also have option of good boarding schools.
Yes. Planning is very important in the given situation.
Kids have be part in some of the happeings. They have seen that their mother is interested only in spiritual routines, and not much in social/family life. So, they are dealing with situation much better than me! When my daugther was talking in phone about year and half back, mom has told my daughter that she doesn't have time, and asked her not to call her frequently. So, kids also understand. I have told kids that we have difference of opinion, and we are trying to sort out. I have been to multiple conselling sessions to help me deal with the situation.
If everything goes according to the plan, fine. Speak to her, if she has decided to go spiritual way, like Sri Sri Sri Ravishankar.. Then let it be. Let you be married to her as you do not have intentions to marry again. But, let me also tell you this, today you might think like this, down the line you might definitely want to have a partner with you, if that be the case then all of a sudden you cannot think of divorce and get it too. So speak about this option too. Just being the way you are will show to the society that you are still married, and such thing will not have a negative bearing on the kids minds, so, I suggested not to go for divorce and continue like that. As your wife seems to have gone the spiritual way, she might also help you in making you look at the situation in a different perspective. All in all, talking with your wife is important, do it somehow, as soon as possible.
