hi. i'm from a europe, in a relationship with an indian man, who is currently married.
they got married in 2009 - Arrya Samaj Mandir (it was so called "love marriage" - his mother wished to see him getting married as she was soon to die due to grave illness, which she did the following year, and he just asked the girl whom he was seeing at the time if she would marry him; girl is from higher cast and her parents didn't approve, they got married witout their knowledge)
they had a child born in 2011 - she became pregnent without his knowledge, stopped taking pills without telling him. he was furious about it when he first found out, but love the child very much once it was born.
between late 2012 - Mar 2014 he was in europe for a job contract. wife stayed in india with the child, living at his father's house, where they stayed together beforehand. she started working again rather quickly after giving birth.
his marriage started falling apart in march 2013 - wife was demanding money, accusing him of cheating (falsely at that time), threatend him with extradiction, making his and his family lives miserable, loosing job etc.
we met in july 2013, after he already took the decision to leave his wife. we were happy togther and want to be together in the future. he told her about the divorce first in Oct 2013 and she was furious, refuesed to accept it, then constantly kept changing her mind. we don't believe they have any hard evidence on the nature of our relationship.
he returned to india in mar 2014 as he got a better job there and also wanted to settle his affairs with the wife. she wouldn't wanna talk of the divorce, was violent towards him, shouting, threatning him etc. 2 weeks after he came back to india she moved out to her mother's house.
at first family attempted to bring them back together. this failed. now she doesn't want to be with him either, but she is after money - big time. she is about to register an FIR for a false 498A case - they've been meeting at a police station several times over the last monht or so. she is demanding a house, a car and money - which he can't give to her, cause he doesn't earn that much.
she is very bad at managing her finances, for example she used his credit card while he was away and made like 80.000 INR debt on it. she used it for buying phones, payments in clubs etc. (she went out a lot, would come home drunk, spent a lot on the office parties). she is employed, has a steady income and is staying with her mother now.
so that's the background. and now to the point: we are probably looking at a few years of battling the case in police/courts. i'm still in europe. looking at the current situation - he will not be able to come back here for some time. in such situation i feel compelled to join him in india. the separation is heartbreaking and i can't imagine just waiting here for all of this to be over.
the problem is i'm too much set into the western way of thinking and i still don't know enough about how the law works in india and how the culture/society influences people's lives. also, i've heard enough stories to be afraid to go to india as a white european female (even though it would be delhi, so not so bad). still, i would wanna go.
the question is: what if i come and then she/her family gets proof that we are in a relationship? in european law, if the affair happend as a result of breakdown of marital relations, the spouse can't be blamed. but i get the feeling that indian laws might have a different outlook on things. yet, we would want to be together and live our lives as normally as possible.
is it then wise for me to come then? reason tells me "no", but hearts is screaming "yes".
also, she wouldn't let him see the child now. and he would want to have a full custody after the divorce.
what can we realistically hope for in all of this? and what to prepare for? any tips on how to survive it? what would be wise to do and what better not to do?
