Help needed on a family issue

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am married for 2.5 years but staying seperately due to few reasons as stated below after 1 year of our married life. Following are few problems I am facing.

1) My wife wants to alienate me from rest of my family members and friends.
2) Her father is a rubber stamp and her mother dominates all family situations.
3) My wife listens to and acts in accordance with her mothers wishes at all times,
4) My wife is hypersensitive and therefore easily gets insulted for even a simple thing
5) She used to fight with me for all petty things and threaten me that she would go to her mother's home. After repeated threatenings, she moved out of my home. Me and my parents went after couple of weeks and then brought her back. After the this, she got pregnant and again fought with me and went back to her mom's house.

6) Since then, she is living separately. All the efforts I take to reconsile goes in vein. Her mother ill treats us and uses foul and abusive language. I've taken care of the kid's birth expense and everything, but still they expect me to give money. She and her mother threatens me that if i don't  follow their demands, they would go for the complaint.

Answers for question No. 1 to 6:  She will learn her lesson once you file a RCR and then subsequently divorce petition, and at around 2 years 6 months time after you filind such divorce petition, she will understand where what went wrong, and that she should not have listened to her mother who kept supporting her for her demands which they have stated below, but then it would be long time to let her come back to you and your family.  So instead of all this go for a one on one session with your lovely wife and tell her Helping Hand has told like this, as I tell out of experience, that too just let go off the ego and come back.

Solutions as to how you can handle these demands:

These are their demands.
1) Seperate family

Take a rented house which you can afford, should not be a clumsy one, but a reasonably decent one and shift there.

2) My parents and relatives should not visit us

If demand No. 1 is agreed upon by you, you should place one demand before her, as you seem fit, but dont ask her to  bring money from her parents house.

3) Her parents should stay with us and only her relatives are our relatives.

 Her parents stay with you.. Your parents also stay with you.  In short, get a big house, co-ordinate between lions and tigrers, lionesses, and tigresses. And shift at a common place.  Financial constraint, hire a marriage hall, and all will live at the same place.  If these things are not possible, join your in-laws, rule them, the way daughter in law rules in her in-laws house.

We now have a baby girl close to an year. I personally tried to convince her several ways and by several relatives. Every effort went in vain.

Going by experience, she will somehow some day come back, but keep visiting the child and her.

Later on till date she had not made any such efforts for joining me even after I setup a seperate house. On asking her about the same she emotionally blackmails me and threats me to get her unreasonable new set of demands fulfilled. If I don't do the same she just stays away from me and never makes any efforts for reconciliation.

Reconciling is a two way process, guage how much you need your wife and kid, and move accordingly.

I am totally depressed with these kind of activities of my wife.

Please guide me on how to proceed further. I still love her so much that If she realizes that and come back, we can have a good life ahead. I don't want divorse, but don't have any other option left out.

My questions.

1. If i file a petition, would there be any progress?

Progress, your marriage will be seeing doomsday soon.

2. If divorse is the only option, how long does it take?

Mutual consent divorce 6 months.  Contested divorce a good 5-6 years, and if additional cases like 498a, PWDVA, 125crpc etc, a good 10-12 years.

3. Is there any chance that I could get the custody of the kid?

No.  At the most you can get visitation rights.

4. Should I need to pay any alimony? (She is working and earning enough)?
Yes, for the kid.  if lovely is working, No.  If lovely is not working and does not have any source of income, then have to pay for lovely wife as well as kid.

Thanks in advance.

Kumar

Thank you Dear Helping Hand (a real Helping Hand indeed :) ).

Thanks.

I had been visiting them quite often (twice in a month - though she is with her mom's house which is around 400Kms away). Every time, i put off my ego and visit there to lose my dignity (by the words of her mother).

Intention is more important, meeting wife and kid is more important, behave as if she does not exist [MIL]

But, when I go back after couple of weeks, she would've been back to square one (by her mother's brain wash).

Such people will suffer in life, listening to mother and acting according to wishes and tution given by her mother, will only make things worse.  If your wife were to be a sensible person, she would have thought of how to lead life with you, than sitting at mom's house and listening to her.  She is forgetting that her mom or dad wont last for long, but definitely you will, so I'd suggest that your wife join you as soon as possible and not after the demise of her old mom and dad.  If she does join you after their demise, then what is the use of even being still married.  

Since she and her mother clearly understands my love on her and the kid, they are using these two as main weapons (Love & Kid). Her mother clearly wants to take the full custody of my wife and kid, which she feels that would make me to be under her custody. When am with her in their house, she keeps abusing me and pushing me to the limits.

Yes it is a weakness, showing love and affection to wife n kid.  The only way out is pull your wife out.  Looking by what it goes, either you do not have FIL [dead] or he is also dancing to the tune of his wife [ie your MIL].

I am confused on what to do. My parents are very old (70+) and am the only son to them. Its my duty to take care of all of them (parents, wife, kid). I don't want to leave one because of other. Please advice.

if your parents are 70 I assume you are 35-36, planning to go legal, as explained above by 40 you will get divorce.  Remarrying is an option until the age of 50 for men.  So plan accordingly, what I would suggest you is, keep doing rounds [as you love your wife n kid]. as some people are like that, they wont use their brain, but when they put it to use, things would have taken a total turn.  Keep doing rounds to your MIL's place it is far better than doing rounds to police station, court halls.

1. Would filing an RCR help me to get her back?
 

No. No court in India can force the other spouse to cohabit/join the other.

2. Doesn't she prove the allegations if she files a false case on 498A?

498a if she files, take AB for you and your aged parents so that you can avoid getting arrested.

3. Is it true that if I file a petition / divorce case before her filing 498A would put me in defending position?

Defending?  Lolz.  Your wife has got lots of weapons 125 crpc, IA, PWDVA, 498a to name a few.  You have only one weapon:  DIVORCE PETITION.  Divorce petition you file it now or you file it after she files the above named false cases, the length of time for coming out of it will be the same.  Its like asking shall I eat vada paav first or drink water first, when you are hungry does it matter?  If you want divorce, then file it, now, not later it means one and the same.  You file divorce now and she files false cases against you will only help you in getting divorce fast.  Filing of false cases against husband and parent-in-laws will secure your position in getting divorce.

Wholehearted hanks for your valuable time and advices.


Kumar

after reading your query and the above answers 

Thank you Mr. Mahesh for responding.

1. you love your kid and wife (Kid first means you are more concerned then your wife) your world is all in your kid and then comes your wife

Yes. you are correct/

2. first you decide you want divorce because in first instance you told you love both of them and in another query you said you want custody of your kid there are many lawyer who would gamble you to get divorce quickly and after some years custody of the kid 

Its not that I would want to get divorce. Its all about my parents I am worried coz of 498A. I would not want them to face the music due to this (I am sure they won't withstand this and collapse).

3. you can take care of your parents in mean time tackle you father in law who is rubber stamp but some times this rubber stamp will bounce if you projection to make you married life work means if your mother in law is not good enough to you then make the rubber stamp tackle the situation and be happy

Tried talking to him and he understands the problem well enough and says his wife had been behaving the same manner since his marriage and he is happy to be a slave to her. But, he could not help much as he don't have a voice at home.

4. come to your mother in law there are some ways if she is taking you weakness as weapon then 

- if you are educated then it is easy to analyze her habits, her tactics to save her daughter 

- analyze your mil what she wants and in what way you can solve take advice of your best friends, your best realatives, your parents confidence (at 70+ they are happy) 

Yes. I could analyze and she just wants to get rid of my parents and relatives and be with them (same way how her husband is).

- if you want to save your marriage for that one issue and more you KID who is only 1 year old and you have a lot more happy moment to be faced do not leave all those moments in the sake of divorce (Keep divorce as the last option) 

I've been going nuts thinking about the future of the Kid (that too a baby girl - though the laws are for them, you know the relaity - atleast till she gets married :) ). I've been visiting them just to spend couple of hours with the kid. But, it gets worse mental agony if I stay for more time(and get allegations that I don't stay for more time). Its like a donkey, it bites if I go front and kicks if I go back. Worse, it does not allow me to walk along too.

- if you do not find my answers interesting and challenging to save your marriage = do what our above members said 

Thanks for your advices. Really appreciate them.

Kumar

The inevitable has happened. My relatives wanted to mediate and come to a conclusion. My wife and her parents agreed for a date for the meeting. But, the next day my wife and her mom came to my house and started shouting us from outside. After some time, they've gone to the police station and given a complaint. Got a call from station and after hearing stories from both the sides, the inspector has directed us to Couselling instead of filing FIR. Had a first round of couslling and she is stating that she dont want to live with me to the counsellor.
When I enquired about it to the police, they said the outcome would be depending on th report from the counsellor. They did not give any information regarding what would be the next step if in the report, I want to be with my wife and kid, but my wife wants divorse.

Will they go for 498A? Or will ask us to file a divorse case? Anyone please...

Now that she has told she does not want to live with you, let her file for MCD, you sign MCD papers, get divorce, forget this unfaithful woman, forget the kid too as the kid will be with the mother only.  You can ask for child visitation rights under G&W case.  Probabilities are N number, so you never know what they will do next, if they are planning to file false case to extort money from you, get ready good amount of money along with that get ready one AB via good criminal lawyer.

Also, what should i tell to the counsellor?

Nothing to tell to counsellor, its time that consellor will tell you in his report as to what happens next.