How can i stop my divorce ?

Till you fathom the reason for his desertion, the solution  cannot be found out.  You did not tell that why RCR and divorce petition have not been clubbed together before the single court.  You take necessary steps for that.  If that is not possible, engage a very amicable, amenable advocate in divorce case who is not only good enough just in law but also prgamatic and believes in restorationn of matrimonial relationships between the estranged couple instead of breaking them.  His/her continuous persuasive tactics will bring out the truth regarding damaged relationship of longstanding.  Next, in divorce case and also in RCR case-if he appears, strive for conciliation and the judge himself will assist you both parties to cohabit and if he is in paucity of time, he will refer the matter to mediation for the same purpose.  Prolonged conciliation / mediation will pave the way for restoration of matrimonial relationship. It is very difficult for him to get divorce without showing sufficient proof about cruelty.

a) How do i make him increase the maintenace amount he pays for me and child?

Manage with whatever you are getting right now for the sake of restoration of relationship.  If not possible, you can move an application under S. 24 of the Act either in divorce case / RCR case for payment of maintenance during the pendency of case.  It will cease once the case ends.  On the basis of facts, now I do not subscribe for filing S.125 Cr.P.C. maintenance case.

b) How do i retrieve the gold that is with his parents. I however do not wish to strain relations in doing so. Is there any peaceful and amicable way of getting it without court orders ?

Yes.  Let the matter rest for the time being.

c) Is there any way I can avoid divorce ? I am ready to bow down to any extent to bring him back.

It is difficult for him to get divorce.  do not bow down so much, as it is very difficult even to stand up again on your own.  Make all the allowances possible without losing your self respect. 

Originally posted by : Pooja
	Dear Sir / Madam, Me and my husband have been married for 15+ years. It was a love marriage and we have 1 minor daughter. We were happily married till around 2 yrs back. Hubby then suddenly changed his behaviour towards me, started picking up fights for no valid reasons, began to spend more than 15 hours in office, worked on weekends too. After repeatedly questioning him, he declared that he does not wish to stay with me. He kept threatening me that he will leave home some day. This was a rude shock to me as I never knew that there was anything wrong in our marriage. One day he again fought and I fought back too. After that he left home and has never returned since a year. During this time he began harassing me with legal notices to agree for divorce on mutual consent. I did not agree. Then I went and filed RCR case to bring him back. Meanwhile, he took up a job outside India and vanished from the country without my or my in-laws knowledge. I still dont know in which part of the world he stays. Keeps his cell no. switched off too, although in touch sometimes with my child on mail. Few months back, he has filed a DIVORCE petition against me. I tried to transfer the case to the court where my RCR is on, but unfortunately it could not get transferred. Now I have to appear in 2 different courts in 2 different cities - once for RCR and then for divorce. I love him a lot. I dont want my child to lead a fatherless life. Since the time he left, i have been repeatedly pleading him and begging him to come back. But he refuses. He has infact put in all false allegations against me in divorce petition and has also claimed that I threw him out of the house and thats the reason he left our matrimonial home. He has been paying EMI for the house I stay in and sends a paltry sum every month for mine and my daughters maintenance. He claims that since I am well qualified with a PG degree, I should earn myself and not expect maintenance from him. I have not filed for maintenance so far, as I wanted him to come back home and not get angry further. However, considering the high standard of living that me and child are used to, it is very difficult to manage expenses in the meagre amount he sends. Could you please guide me regarding :- a) How do i make him increase the maintenace amount he pays for me and child ? Tell him, look baba, you been sending money, but it not sufficient, send little more, please. b) How do i retrieve the gold that is with his parents. I however do not wish to strain relations in doing so. Is there any peaceful and amicable way of getting it without court orders ? When you want to continue relationship, why you want gold?  Let it be with them. Once court you move, then nobody can save your marriage. c) Is there any way I can avoid divorce ? I am ready to bow down to any extent to bring him back. Dont agree for divorce.  Simple.  Dont file maintenance petition.  Dont file false cases on husand or in-laws.  These are best ways to avoid divorce.  Other than that, you say love marriage.  What kind of love marriage is this?  I have seen couples sacrifice what not for sake of being together.  Nobody falls out of love.  Time for retrospection.  Time to look back and figure out why and what went wrong in a 15 year old marriage.  You surely look like have scared your husband in total.  Talk to him, talk to him like what you did when you got married, these all wil help you save marriage. Kindly guide me and help me to save my marriage please. It has been a very long relationship and I can't see it breaking. His divorce petition is on the grounds of CRUELTY.

Its upon you to convince him now, legally nobody can force your husband to come back to you or stay with you !!

it is already clear that your husband has filed divorce case but you do not want divorce but you want to stay with him but you want to claim maintenance as he is not staying with you right now when ever there is a mail to you daughter send a reply mail to him asking for increase in amount and also quote about her studies and for higher studies 

and already from your query it isknow that you are educated so try to work because in such situations you plans will be different thinking and about the the gold in your in laws if you want then it is a very good occasion try to go to there house and take ornaments and have a chat know about your husband were he is staying and try to convince tha you are not interested in divorce and want to stay with him 

Thank you so much to all legal professionals here, for your kind help and guidance. May God bless you all.

From your replies I feel that I need to share few more facts with you , which will help you give me right advise :-

a) As per advocate Chandu's query, i would like to clarify that I filed for RCR in the place i got married. He filed DV case in Mumbai where i stay. I wanted to club both the cases, but The high court rejected my transfer petition on the grounds that mumbai court would be more convenient for me to attend. He is now trying to transfer my RCR case to mumbai.

b) We had counselling during RCR case. But hubby refused to attend the last counselling session. He did the same thing earlier when we had gone to a private counseller on the advise of his advocate, just a few days after he left home. The psychiatrist had asked him to a MARRIAGE THERAPIST and he refused.

c) It has been 1 year that he abandoned us and I am keeping my patience. I visit his parents place, stay with them, look after them when they have medical emergencies, attend marriages and funerals in their family even after he left me. I have not disclosed about his absconding to anybody, neighbours, friends etc, just because i want to keep my relation intact with him.

d) He on the other hand has been bad mouthing me on social networking sites, openly talking bad about our marriage.

e) He has cited CRUELTY as a reason, but I have a feeling that he has an affair or something, which has just happend since the time he began behaving weird with me. He had started going on secret trips abroad, became very possessive about his cell phone, stopped telling me about his whereabouts and would get angry when i questioned him. He always seemed to be happy with the marriage and was a loving husband too. He never complained about anything. Now he says that he had silently suffered humiliation and verbal abuse by me for all these years and is unable to take it anymore.

f) Two days before leaving home permanently we had a quarrel where we had a small physcial tiff (1st time in all these years of marriage). He went and filed a police complaint against me for this in the local police station.

g) I gave him all my earnings, my entire life. But he says that i have not contributed a single rupee and so he alone is the owner of the property (although our house is in joint names). He has been threatening to sell off the house without my knowledge.

h) He has put other accusations that i have suicidal tendancies, i refuse him conjugal rights, dont cook food, not good in upbringing of my child, that i have humiliated his relatives (which i have never done) etc. etc. A whole bunch of lies.

i) I have tried convincing him myself, through his parents, friends, relatives etc. But he is bent upon a divorce.

j) I dont even know which company he works for and in which part of the world he is staying currently.

k) He is selling off all his assets one by one - shares, car etc, so that he does not have to pay me a part of it.

l) He had tried committing suicide before marriage, hence i am scared to pressurize him for anything.

Me and my family are in real depression. I feel sad for his parents too. All my efforts of being a good daughter in law , mother and wife seem to have gone down the drain. I never imagined that my marriage will reach this kind of stage in life. All our friends and relatives are shocked, as they have always seen us as an ideal couple.

I niether want gold, nor property. I just want maintenance for my and my daughter's sustenance. But he has flatly refused to pay me even for my medical expenses now. Hence I was thinking of filing for maintenance claim.

Please advise.

that why i had given you a suggestion to work 

and about the assets he is selling one by one file a civil suit and take injunction /stay order from selling the property without your knowledge what all the properties you know you have to mention in that and after getting order submit it to the sub registrar office 

Thank you Mr. Mahesh for your suggestions.

Even I thought of filing for Injunction order on our properties. But all that will only push him further away from me. I seriously want him to come back to me and lead a happy family life together.

Entire life I have given him all my earnings. I dont mind losing property and assets if I can get him back in return. All these things have no meaning without HIM in my life.

You are very right in giving me this suggestion, as legally and practically that is the right thing to do. But will that help to restore our relationship ?

Dear Mr. Need Justice,

You wouldn't be able to find a person more honest than me.

If you read the facts given by me, you will realize that all my life, I have trusted my husband and in-laws beyond what any other girl would do.

The very fact that my gold is still with my in-laws, shows the amount of trust I had with them. I gave all my earnings to husband as I never differentiated between his and my money. I was generous to an extent that today I am left with nothing in my bank account, except the peanuts that he sends me every month.

I had to leave my job as my husband did not want me to work. He wanted me to focus on upbringing of the child, as his job did not permit him to take time out for family. I willingly took up the responsibility of a homemaker as my wants were limited and we were satisfied and happy with his single earnings.

This is a public forum and I guess it wont be appropriate for me to reason out why husbands / men change their behaviour overnight, why they suddenly feel like being away from home for long durations and on holidays and even lie to their family about their whereabouts. Thats the reason I say I don't know why he needs divorce...because this man loved me a lot till around 2 yrs back. I fail to understand why suddenly has he started finding faults with me, which he never did in 15 yrs and what makes him so adamant on his stand for divorce.

When I say a physical tiff happened first time in life, I mean it to be true.

I wouldn't have been here on this forum, seeking  help, if I had not genuinely wished to bring him back. If money and gold is all that I needed from him, then it is not difficult for me to get my rights through court and the police. I am only trying to avoid legal complicatioins as much as possible, because I want to revive our relationship.

Thanks for sparing time for replying to my query.

Originally posted by : Pooja
	This is a public forum and I guess it wont be appropriate for me to reason out why husbands / men change their behaviour overnight, why they suddenly feel like being away from home for long durations and on holidays and even lie to their family about their whereabouts. Thats the reason I say I don't know why he needs divorce...because this man loved me a lot till around 2 yrs back. I fail to understand why suddenly has he started finding faults with me, which he never did in 15 yrs and what makes him so adamant on his stand for divorce. When I say a physical tiff happened first time in life, I mean it to be true. I wouldn't have been here on this forum, seeking  help, if I had not genuinely wished to bring him back. If money and gold is all that I needed from him, then it is not difficult for me to get my rights through court and the police. I am only trying to avoid legal complicatioins as much as possible, because I want to revive our relationship. Thanks for sparing time for replying to my query.

Two things possible.  

1.  I have explained above.  

2.  He might have gotten someone else of which you do not have the slightest clue.

If you are aware of what you can do with police help, then read on.

But whatever it is, once you enter legal battle, 5-6 years simply gone, just gone roaming to court halls.  Divorce petition get dismissed or not it depends on how well your husband has put things across in the petition and can convince the court about what all allegations he has made against you.  If he is successful in convincing the court through factual evidence etc then definitely divorce will be granted, if not it will be dismissed and your husband can approach the HC and SC in that order if divorce petition gets dismissed again.  By that time, you will be 15 years older than what you both were.  Dont forget the kid, he wil surely file G&W case for getting custody of kid, though law is lenial towards woman, you will get custody of the child, but your husband will also get child visitation rights.  This G&W case also takes 4-5 years to reach orders level.  So your husband has made a game plan which will spread over the next 15 years which you both will have to undergo/suffer.

There wlll be a ill-effect on the kid too, all these cases, etc.

Just talk to your husband and tell him it is not easy to get divorce, and in this lot of money also is involved, he has to spend money, you have to spend money.  The cases will drive you both nuts, not to mention the kid, and to think again, and give another chance to life itself ??

In your response at para (e) above, you hinted out about his extra marital affair and that may be the reason for his abnormal and atrocious behaviour.  Being a wife you would like to believe that your suspicion may be wrong and certainly that gives the cool comfort to you, but we outsiders can understand the veracity in your suspicion.  All his allegations about you and enduring the cruelty silently etc. etc. and a tiff on a single occasion are only his cover-up to justify himself about his unjustified acts.  People quite often play such games.

You did not drag him to court and instead of that he dragged you to court.  As such your worrying about the time that takes in courts cannot solve the problem.  Succmbing his pressure for mutual consent divorce means to give licence to his illegal and unjustified amorous activity.  His divorce petition will necessarily fail, even though you will not be in a position to prove his extra-marital relationship.  First you take into confidence of your parents and in-laws and convince them that the injustice you have been meeting for the last one year.  It is very important to get the people to your side which will give you necessary moral strength to defend your self against your husband's illegal onslaught.  After taking them into confidence, and also after convincing them file a maintenance case.  It is necessary for you.  And the same time start  to pick up threads and search for some good job so that you can earn some thing and also take your mind off.  Two things you remember - all his allegations are false and so do not try to think a lot about some wrong has happened on your part and that is why he left you for some greener pastures.  He is cruel and coward and nothing more than that.  He will not take the custody of your child.  Even though, if he files a custody case in court, it is only an attempt and a black-mailing tact to extract from you a consent for divorce and so not a single moment you think he will take the custody of the child.   So, do not worry on that count.  As you told your entire case clearly, now my suggestion is after convincing your parents and in-laws go for maintenance case without feeling any guilty.  Wish you best of luck.  

Yes Helping Hand. I am sure husband has got someone else in his life and hence he is in a hurry for divorce. He openly told me that he wants to settle abroad and start life afresh. I however don't have any proofs to prove all this.

Since the time he left (a year back), I am sending him mails and msgs everyday, sometimes even 2-3 mails /msgs in a day. So I have sent him more than 400 mails by now and have lost count of msgs.   Through these I have tried to convince him to come back and  forget about divorce. I am even willing to stay separate as long as he is angry and can give him even 5-6 years to cool down. I told him that we can spend the next few years patching up the relationship, rather than keep running to courts. But he refuses to budge from his point. I have a record of all mails and msgs.

Actually he has landed up a very well paid job and he has no shortage of money to spend on advocates. He knows that I am not working and will not be able to manage advocate fees for long and maybe I will bow down to his demand for a divorce someday. Thats why he is playing these dirty games with me.

He is not even emotionally attached to my daughter or his parents now. Rarely talks to my child once a month. If he sends her mails, those too are full of anger and bad mouthing me. He has asked for custody of the child also, but that I am not worried because my daughter does not want to go and stay with him.

SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT SINCE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I SHOULD SET HIM FREE BY AGREEING FOR DIVORCE ON MUTUAL CONSENT. But then I feel that I'll be setting a very wrong example in front of my daughter. I know the whole process will be a big burden on me financially and emotionally we all will suffer. But I'm even not comfortable with the idea of allowing him to inflict injustice on me and my child, abandon us for life and have a new life himself. It will be very unfair on my part to allow him to go scot free after ruining my child's life.

Really dont know what to do.

Thanks to all of you, for being so kind and helpful. May God bless you all.

Whatever your decision is, do not forget ever one thing, if you want to fight for what you want, dont cry for what you've lost. Think and take the required step, and later on do not repent is what I mean. If you need any kind of legal advice with regard to case, please feel free to ask here or call.

Thank you Mr. Chandu, for your honest and heartfelt reply. It feels good that empathatic people like you do exist in this world, who are capable of putting themselves in the shoes of the other person and understanding the problem in totality. Otherwise people are very quick to judge others (especially women) and point all fingers at the woman only.

Since last 1 year, from the time my husband deserted us, I have noticed that people are waiting to find faults with the lady. Whatever the man does, he always is labelled good and the wife is always supposed to be cruel.... For any marriage going wrong, the blame is always on the girl, no matter how much she must have worked hard in all the years of her marriage to keep her family united and happy.

God bless you and also @Helping Hand for your genuine suggestions and advice.

Please help me with the following queries :-

a) When the divorce case starts in mumbai, I'll need an honest and empathetic lawyer to defend my case. As you know, I have budgetary constraints and will not be able to afford very high fees.  What is the criteria for getting a Government lawyer to defend me ? Is it given only to people who are very very poor only ? Any idea what would be the approximate ANNUAL expenses of a reasonably priced lawyer for contesting the case ? I don't know if it is ethically right for you to quote these figures here, but would be happy if i get an approximate amount.

b)  If husband is working abroad, is there any way the court can prevent him from leaving the country, because he has absconded without informing anybody. I did not want his career to suffer, hence had been keeping quiet on this and would prefer to do so in future too. But just wish to know the procedure, so I can use it if need arises.

c) Is there any way the divorce case can be dismissed and the judge can order for legal / judicial separation. I am prepared to stay separate from him, as long as he wishes and till his anger cools down or his affair goes bad. Then he will surely come back to me and I am fine with giving him as much time as he needs to take the right decision for our family and child.

I love him a lot and his parents too. The very thought of losing all of them is killing me. I have spent 15 years of my life, giving myself bit by bit for the welfare of this family. I never had any demands from him as a wife  and have always compromised on my needs and ensured that i managed the home within the limited income we had. I may have spoken harshly with him during fights many times.......that was my only fault which he is terming as mental and verbal abuse. And the best part is that in all these years, he never ever told me that he is unhappy with me. Infact i have so many mails and msgs which show that he was proud to have me as his wife.  

His own family is finding it strange that he has decided to divorce me and not listening to any of them. All his relatives are on my side. But they cant open their mouth because they have to keep relations intact with his family. Obviously they wont talk on my side and strain their relations with his immediate family.

Need your help and guidance.

(a) Women are entitled to free legal aid. If you are not satisfied their performance, in divorce cases, under S.24 along with maintenance litigation expenses also be provided to the respondent wife from petitioner husband by court order.  No fixed fee can be told as it varies from advocate to advocate.  But my suggestion is that do not pay the entire amount at a single go.  You fix the fee for the entire case including interim applications as and when they arise.  Pay the fee in three instalments the first being at the time of filing the reply to the petition, the next instalment at the time of evidence and the final amount at the time of arguments.  While choosing the advocate take extreme precaution.  Approach the women's organisation and through them engage the good advocate after having a thorough talk.

(b) except in S.498-A harassment cases, except in rare cases, husband's passport is not impounded and hence, there is no possibility of stopping him to go abroad.

(c) Do not think about judicial separation even in wild dreams.  It is a prelude for divorce.  If once judical separation decree is granted to the parties, no one can stop your husband to get a divorce decree, one year after that.  Your understanding about judicial separation is absolutely erroneous.  But do not worry about divorce case.  His divorce case will be definitely dismissed.  The simple trick in your case is that if your mother-in-law and father-in-law appear in court and give statement that you have never acted cruelly and you are a good daughter-in-law, the judge will not take more than 120 seconds to through his divorce petition into dust bin.  So engage a good advocate to defend divorce case.

~~ Agar aap ko life me 2 baar pyar ho to hmesha 2nd
pyar hi select kro bcoz agar tumhara 1st pyar sacha
hota to dusra pyar kabhi n hota

Here you can not claim that only you are clean, it may be possible that you may be wrong. How it can be possible that after a long time marriage a spouse can be away. only when he feels extreme hurt in relation. if you dont want divorce than why you want more money as option...

Here one thing is very clear that he needs peace and never compromise it with money so enjoy with your money....you are woman so dont think that judges are fool. you can hide your crime behind tears to collect sympathy.