khyatisworld@gmail.com (khyatisworld@gmail.com) 21 July 2011

In laws harassment to parents and husband

I have a weird case. I got married in nov 2008. On the day of marriage itself my inlaws started small harassements. they never demnaded money just mental torture by delaying marriage n making my parents apologise for no faults etc. We took tht nonsense because I was already married to my husband in court a week back. After tht, i told my inlaws to control such behaviour as I am not goin to take any nonsense from them. I also refused to give them all the marriage jewellry my parents had gifted me. I kept it in my own locker. This annoyed my inlaws and particularly my unmarried sister in law who sytarted verbal harrasment. My husband always supported and protected me. after 21 days of marriage we went to usa and had just phone contact. even on phone they verbally harrased me stating im spending their son's money etc and I am infertile. due to thier constant pressure i had to undergo IVF in just 2 years of marriage. I did that ivf in India wen we were visiting 6 months back. My husband asked his father to transfer some money for my treatment as he didnt have any savings in usa transfered to india. he and father in law had joint accounts. ny father in law refused to give tht mioney and since we were short on time my friend paid for my treatmnet. my husband then got angry at his father and asked him to give all the moeny to us and we told them we will pay just 15000 every month for their maintenence. My father in law is retired and has pension of 6500 rs. so we thought 20000 rs each month is enough for 3 people. my sister in law is earning but never gives even one rupees towards household expenses. the flat is in joint name of my husband and his father. it was bought by my husband and his father was just kept as joint holder because we respect our elders. but now my father in law is not alowibg my husband to enter tht house too. he is nt giving us our money back and some jewelry which my husband gifted me in my wedding is lying in the locker of his mother and sister.

I decided to send police to thir house to collect tht n also informed my sister in laws employers of the course of action i will take to ensure they r not surprsided when police reaches there. but my parents clamed me down saying leave the property n jewelery n go back to usa. after tht my sister in law filed wrong complains with lawyer n sent some legal notice claiming house is bought by her father. actually we have all papers proving that he didnt contribute even one rs toards that house. we also sent a reply. she also accused me of having criminal mindset n turning son against her parents. after my wedding my husband has given almost 11 lakhs to them in 2 years plus the house in which they live.

They still filed an NC saying we r harrassing them and made police officer call us to station. Since it was NC our lawyer advised us to ignore it. Now we r back in USA and they have filed NC against my parents and brothers saying they had created some noise in the society. they filed this NC 2 months after the incident where we had gone to talk to them and resolve disputes.

His parents want him to divorce me because I can not make babies where actually their son has sperm issues.My husband is very loving and caring man nd gets upset if such things are happening around us. Is there anyways we can protect ourselves from such mean people who just treat their son as ATM machine?

I am worried that we will

1) get constant harrasement from them and police.

2) Lose our house. My hsuabnd paid for it and can now nt even enter it because his father says he harrases them. My husband cant even kill a fly, how can he harass anyone?

3) They will force us to pay any maintainence misusing guradian law as both my inlaws are senior citizens and live in gujarat.

4) How can we save our property and avoid mental harassment?

5) My father in law wants us to name the whole flat in his name and if we dont do it he will harass my husband till he does that. He said that clearly to him on his face.

6) Does an email informing about legal activity against anyone be treated as evidence of criminal mindset/

7) I was pregnant when they ssent the legal notice and I traveled to guajart from mumbai on road trip. I had miscarraige due to that. My ivf was sucessful and we wuld have had baby if this had not happend? how can i survive my loss? I have endured pain for no fault of mine.

8) My husband has cut all contacts with his parents but they still manage to make his cousin email us n try to find out about us. We dont want any contacts. How can we do that?

Please reply as all this stress is affecting us in having baby and planning our financial security. we are always worried that his parents will get us divorced or make us bankrupt.

Reply Follow

4 Replies

THANKACHAN V P (Advocate & Notary) 22 July 2011

Right now you are in US and you have a loving husband. Forget Jwellary, Flat and other things (You don't loose atleast 1/2 right upon the flat). Stop sending maintainace amout your Father-in-law. Nothing will happen to you. And look forward for a newcomer in your life.

Best wishes

(Guest)

you r type of typical filmi girl who spoils the father-son, brother-sister relation.

your father in law and mother in law have more rights over their son than you.

They birthed him, nourished him, educated him, provided all small luxuries of life with their small earnings. Perhaps they sacrificed many things in their life to send son to get job in USA.

Suddenly you came in his life like tornado and devastated their expectations.

Now here you are pretending like victim.

Your money etc can not compensate the upbringing of a child and love between mother-son, father-son or brother-sister.

As a son (and man too) I feel sad for parents because I lost both parents before attending age of 26 and marriage. One can not get happiness in life by disowning parents, in laws.

1 Like

Saurabh..V (Law Consultant) 26 July 2011

@Author

You story is similar to that of 498a victims. Only difference is that your husband is supporting you and he is in actual tussle over some property and money issue.

It's expedient that you STOP worrying and start taking actions! What is your husband's right would ultimately come to you. This might take some time, but worrying througout this time would only detere your health (as you already mentioned it did). I think it's time you move on, and give your parents-in-law some space. You also need to rest your mind. In place of getting into legal tussle, join a counselling centre. It'll help you more than court cases.

As you mentioned that you had a court marriage with your husband and then their was formal wedding celebration after one weak, I'm sure yours is a love-marriage. And in such cases, when a boy sways away from his parents who brought him to a level where he was able to impress and convince a girl for marriage, does create impediment in the societal and cultural set-up. It's natural for parents to feel bad about the girl who stole their son and then turned him against them.

It is very much understandable that in Indian setup, every parents feel that if a guy goes against their wishes and marries a girl, then it is because of the girl that they lost their child. May be same might have been your situation if your brother would have gone away from your parents and your bhabhi would have reacted like you.

This case is about understanding and not about trivial issues. Had you tried to understand your in-laws and tried to take them in confidence there might not have arisen such huge problems. What is legally yours woudl flow towards you, eventually. But why are you getting so uneasy to get the money and property so early? Is there a dire need now? You said you were ready for paying maintenance to your in-laws but still want money/property from them. Cut the greed and rest everything would automatically get settled by time.

//peace

/Saurabh..V

khyatisworld@gmail.com (khyatisworld@gmail.com) 26 July 2011

Saurabh,

We married a week early to start our visa processing. Mine was arranged marriage and we got engaged before we even met each other. His parents had come and finalised rishta. So basically I am shocked as to what happened that they hate me so much. From what I have heard from extended relatives and their own behaviour towards my marriage preparations etc, I was an idiot to get married. Infact i broke off engagement three times due to my sister in law and mother in laws harrasment over smallest issues. But my husband had ensured that it wont happen post marriage as he would take charge of protecting me. He definetly lived up to expectations.

His parents cant feel i stole him etc simple reason being- for 7 years before our marriage my husband has lived outside his own home for work purpose and not even once did his parents go and stay with him for 15 days also. He was always treated like step child while growing up and he confessed that he knew that his only out from their clutches was to take up a job far away and just keep sending money. his mother blackmailed him to take up a job after his bachelors to pay for his fathers treatment and sister's education. He was university ranker but abandoned dreams while his sister studied till phd. they lived in one room house but he paid for 2 bhk and shifted them and paid off whole loan asap so that his father n mother can enjoy some peace in after years. His sister was crazily upset whn we chose our honeymoon destination n didnt go to her prefered holiday location. It was this bad a control they had on my husband.

His mother thinks that how can he enjoy his married life when his sister who is 29 is still single? so she keeps ensuring im troubled enough to leave and go. Also, I had ensured i strongly protest if they abuse my parents for any reason. They had tht frustration too that we r not able to bully girl's parents.

So yeah they are typical 1970s ppl who think girl is commodity and me and my husband think we r equal partners in this relationship so we respect each others parents equally. but my breaking point to maintain respect came when my mother in law accused me of not checking my fertility before marriage. I mean which indian girl gets her fertility test and then gets married. I wasnt really making babies before marriage that i should be aware of issues. I refused to be treated as an infertile land and thats when they thought i was a bad bahu etc.

I am not justifying anything here because I know that i havent done even one thing wrong till the time I was accused for infertility. Just 2 years in marriage and i was forced into IVF. its not a pleasant feeling. And if you notice, in this entire episode my parents have not featured even once. I never got them involved because my family problems didnt need to be public. but dam broke after ivf money issues. My parents had visited my inlaws after some close relative died. My inlaws locked the door and went away as soon as my parents called up that they are on their way. My parents had traveled from Mumbai to Surat for this reason and still they were disrespected. This happened 8 months after our marriage and I had kept quite at tht time too. Also, when my father in law was ill my parents went to meet them, they didnt even behave properly or spoke to them. In diwali my parents gave sweets etc to all my husbands relatives personally visiting each and every member, but my inlaws didnt even bother calling and wishing on diwali let alone reciprocate.

Question is- give and take keeps on going in indian families, but for how long can one just give? Is breaking point and standing up for your rights make u a bad person because ur new to the family? if my husband gets treated like crap i cant keep quite n bear the insult. I stood up and protested and i am being labled as a bad bahu. so basically indian system wants girls to be beaten up and killed before justice will prevail? cant they stop this small mental tortures? Is reaching a point of commiting suicide or divorcing only solution? we r happy couple who will be broken off due to society pressures. Sint there anythijg to be done? my husband has built tht house with his blood money. and now if his father makes a will n leaves his share to his good for nothing daughter we r done for.

this case should be classic example of why you cannot trust your parents. Indians have laws to protect senior citizens and using that these citizens harrass their kids and since the sympathy is towards their age innocent ppl pay for it.

I do not want the money or property. Its just a right that has to be retained. plus i dont even care for my husbands money. he can live wid his stuff and enjoy. i am capable of having my own life and did before marriage too. I am not asking them to give it to ME. Its his and will stay his. I dont wanna hold even a joint account with him nor do i wish to have my name on marriage certificate. we both r secured in our love n trust and we know tht no names on papers can define us.

i am worried abt my husband. he lost everything just because he stood by me. so basically this also taught him tht he should support person wid max money and strength instead of truth.

I would have been better off if i was beaten n harrased by him n his parents too. until then no protection for me. my parents should have spoken abt my rights only after i was killed or driven to commit suicide? this is what happened 6 months back when well educated women started killing themselves and innocent kids. parents came up with the harrasement story only after their deaths because till then pressure of maintaining good relations was so high that they decided to loose their daughter instead of prestige. for me my life is precious but yes, if need be and things go nasty, i will definetly see my options of ending life rathar than continuing such harrased life.

but i am not weak and i would not think of prestige. greed is not the word here. what will i gain by making 2 aged ppl homeless? i dnt have the courage to teach my kids any morals if i am so immoral. i belive in karma and i belive in justice. but yes, i wont take crap and be termed bad because i am not letting anyone beat me up.