sanjeev (Software Engineer) 20 June 2012

Inter caste marriage. fearing threats and heinous actions

I am in a very precarious situation. I am in love with a girl and we both want to marry whole heartedly. I belong to schedule caste and I am 27 years old working in IT sector in Bangalore and she is 23, belongs to a higher caste, stays in Delhi and about to complete her masters.The problem is that she comes from a very high profile family. They have a lot of contacts and can get any unethical thing done easily. Her uncle in particular is very status concious and has a huge ego. He thinks he can do anything using his money and contacts. Her grand father is her main guardian who is also against this marriage mainly because of finanical differences. I had to tell her family about two months back that I was breaking up with her because they made her life very difficult. As of now they think that we aren't together. Me and this girl have had numous practical talks about how we are going to handle things in future, on various aspects of life and the adjustments we'd have to make and both of us are comfortable with it on practical grounds as well. I am doing well in my career and her career prospects are pretty bright as well. There has already been an issue going on in her house where her uncle's daughter, her cousin, was wanting to marry a middle class working guy outside her community. Her uncle got this guy beaten up by paid rowdies and got the guy's father arrested in a fake property case. He has been in lock up for the last two weeks. She intially wanted me to come to Delhi and meet her grand father once and if he didn't budge then she said she would come with me and marry me. But looking at how things are happening, and Delhi being her grand father's and uncle's territory, I see very grim chances of getting married like that in Delhi. Some of my friends and seniors have also suggested against that. On the other hand her family, once they get to know that I am back in her life, they would leave no stone unturn to toture and trouble me and my family. I have asked her to come to Bangalore without telling her family and getting married in Bangalore and she agreed. I believe once we are married and she is with me, we can handle things better. But my primary concern is my parents. They live in Uttar Pradesh. Once her uncle gets to know we are married and it outrages him and he tries to harm my parents with fake cases or sends some hooligans to my house, I don't know how I would deal with it. I don't know to what extent it can go. Her grand father has sent me quite a few threatening mail, saying that me and my family is after their money and he would send police after me and put my family behind the bars. I have been polite in my replies and gave him rational agruments in support of the marriage but he didn't budge. If her family weren't so influential, I wouldn't be so worried. I just want some advice as to how to go about this thing. Also since I have her grand father's threatening mails as a proof, are there legal measures I can take proactively to safeguard my parents from things like fake cases. If her uncle sends police to my parent's doorsteps, can I get a legal document based on those mails that can prohibit the police from taking him away. I am fully aware how difficult such an alliance can be in our prejudiced Indian system. I would like to know the best thing I can do in such a scenario

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5 Replies

Hemang (Advocate) 20 June 2012

It is mentioned in your contents that "I don't know to what extent it can go.". I would say such an act on your part and the girl may provoke them to go to any extent. It is further mentioned that "I am fully aware how difficult such an alliance can be in our prejudiced Indian system." Every family has its own culture and this is how the custom and uasge in the society are formed. It is accepted as a social order. Although you both have a right to decide in relation to matrimonial carreer, it is advisable that if ultimately, you all are boycotted socially, what is the charm in rest of the life? It is advisable that such a difficult alliance be avoided without being further dragged and dealt with emotionally.

It is not at all "prejudiced Indian system" at all. It is Hindu culture and the Hindu law has its own story. India is not so fully westernised. In western countries, marriage is taken as contract and divorce is also very easy there. Like changing clothes. Indian society has not accepted the western culture and it is advised that do not be influenced by western culture. You are Indian and Indian should not say that such belief or phylosopy is a "prejudiced Indian system".

It is further mentioned to the effect that "I would like to know the best thing I can do in such a scenario". I would suggest a better course that if ultimately, you have to suffer a lot, you should forget once and for all. Every community has pride for its own community. And Have a pride for your community as well and try to marry in community itself. That is the "social order" without being influenced by "western culture".

N.K.Assumi (Advocate) 20 June 2012

Love Conquers All. It is entirely between you and your lover girl to decide and take steps, if you really loved each other: Remember, " If you cry because the Sun has left your life,your tears will prevent you from seeing the Stars" All the best lover boy?

sanjeev (Software Engineer) 20 June 2012

I was seeking legal suggestions/advices instead of general comments. Mr Hemant talked about "social order" and culture. Which civilized culture in the world would want its people to traumatise and humiliate two grown ups who with their mutual consent and all their hearts want to spend their lives together, all in the name of soial order. I don't care what western culture does or doesn't do. I am an Indian by every inch of my soul but that doesn't mean that I have to agree with all those diseased social norms and practices that have plagued my country for ages and make retreat back to the dark ages than being progressive. If a culture allows people to do things like "honour killings" in the name of preserving social order, I would happily prefer to be boycotted by it. I didn't choose which family, which caste I was born into but I can certainly choose what kind of an individual I make myself into. Yes I said I don't know to which extent they can go to but Mr Hemant, a man of law, instead of suggesting a way to tackle it legally, could just say that it can go to any extent. I can see which school of thought he is coming from. The law of this country encourages intercaste marriages. Those who have made these laws, one can safely say, would be knowing what they were doing and why they were doing it

I am not here to instigate any social debate. The reason I am here is that I only rely on the law of the country protect me and my parents. I have my girl's grandfather's mails in which he has threatended me that he would flex his finanical muscle and put my family in the jail if I don't stay away from her. I would like to know that if such a situation arises, what legal actions I can take as per the law to safeguard my parents.

Emails are accepted as a valid proof in the court of law. Are there any proactive measures I can take using those mails to counter things like a fake FIR against my father. Also I would like to know that I being in Bangalore and my parents being in Uttar Pradesh, how much it affects her family's capability in take false legal actions. Her family is in Delhi. I request for legal suggestions rather than just general comments.

Democratic Indian (n/a) 20 June 2012

It is wisely said law is an ass. Similarly those who believe too much in law may make an ass of themselves. Law cannot protect everybody, everywhere, everytime and provide bodygaurds 24x7. Think in practical manner. There is no shortage of other girls.

Hemang (Advocate) 20 June 2012

I think, the person aggrieved and seeking advise has not "properly taken into consideration" what was stated in an earlier write up. There is no question of any provocation. It is specifically mentioned to the effect that:

"...Although you both have a right to decide in relation to matrimonial carreer..."

This perhaps convey what the rights under the law are. Consider what other members and the expert form opinions. I completely agree with the jargon that "Law is an ass".