Is it bad marriage?

@ Author

A very long query.


1. All I can say is that all that you posted here it smells of A YOUNG MARRIAGE and not that of a bad marriage and in any young marriage it is spouse(s)  expected to face through all and some and / or many more that you narrated from recollection before us. Tell yourself that a male and a female are different in so many ways and the moment you say that a female should be more or less carbon copy of yours in daily life then your quest for seeking quality of life (read as ideal marriage) would not have made you come here to a legal forum......


2. Spending time - understanding each other - adjusting with each other - keeping quite when needed - speaking up when not needed (oops) - giving space - nurturing each others aspirations - respecting anothers way of life - bringing change in self instead of expecting others to change and so many practical give -and- take keys in daily life if both couples understands then it is a MARRIAGE otherwise;


- elders are there
- relatives are there
- counselors are there
- self help marriage blues books also there
- saas bahu TV serials are also there
- direct import DVD's on marriage issues produced by Hollywood also there
- mobiles closing global village gaps also there

~ Aur han hum lawyers bhi hai yaha


Better to give time to this young marriage keeping yourself creatively engaged and it is suggested to come here when water mark reaches code red meanwhile try out on all social mixologies to save a young marriage ................................

1.  Get her a good job which occupies her from 9.00 A.M. to 6.00 P.M.

2.  Engage a whole time maid, who can cook and keep the house clean.

3.  Never spend weekends at home and go to some other place or hotel.

All the problems will vanish.

you can not call it a bad marriage.you can keep a maid for household work.both of you sit and try to solve the problems.i think you are not giving her enough time.dont compare your married life with your parents' married life.i think you are at fault.dont loose temper and have patience.try to spend time with her.

Thanks for your answers that really helped and good to put it off from my chest.

I too think that I should be patient and give it a more time to understand each other, no marriage is perfect but she does a lots of comparisons to her cousin sister's husband etc and I am sure no one portrays the correct picture to other about their personal life. And this she don't understand and we are not doing any bad. 

Also after reading your post it make me think that its normal and happens all the time, but I never been in a relationship before so don't know how woman thinks/behaves/reacts but is it that I am judging my wofe too quickly. i will talk to my dad about this but then there is a generation gap. If I and she sees her mom they will always tell her that she is wrong as she has to respect her responsiblity. I even heard my mother-in-law lecturing her all the time about how the work she has to do and how to keep household happy and respect me..etc I over heard her and also my wife told me that her mother bores her with this lecture. 

I once even joked that I should have married her mother. Is it that her mother knows that she is bit irresponsible and careless. 

It is early days my dear.

Soon you will find that your mother in law would start blaming you for making her daughter's (err your wife) life miserable.

@Amit

What do you mean? 

She told me that she will look for job after marriage (she was working before) as has to relocate to my place and now she shows very less interest and sometime its me who send her resume to companies.

Let her be a housewife if she wants to.It's her personal choice.Don't force her for a job.It's her personal decision.

Good one. Want to be a housewife but don't want to do any household work.  (Perhaps, no time left after watching TV & smoking whole day. Anyway, Husband is there for doing everything. So no issue).

She admitted that she smokes (few times) but I caught her doing it behind my back while I was at work, I found some ashes in one of our room and questioned her, to which she denied first and later she kept quiet that made me furious again but she never admitted it.

Tell her that her smoking has made her breath stinking.So dont wana sit near her.Maybe she stops.

Excellent idea for making people quit smoking. I hope our health minister take a note of this & start broadcasting this on National Channel so that by 2012 India would become ZERO SMOKING country.

 
She don't put the clothes in washing machine and I do it every weeknd when all she has to do it take dirty clothes and start the machine, we have all the home appliances so she don't have to clean the dishes even, that makes her lazy too. She use her spare time everday in social network sites or watching stupid TV serials that she claimed to hate them before marriage. Previously she used to take shower just before I come back from work (@6 pm) as she was busy watching TV or using laptop. I vaccum the house everytime. 

Then you stop caring for her clothes.Just care for your own clothes.Don't clean the house also.Let her live in dirt.How long can she bear?POr else,keep a maidd for these jobs if you can afford.

Don't stop doing whatever you are doing now. Else you may be charged for causing mental & emotional cruelty for keeping the poor lady in dirt and not caring for her clothes.

You both must sit down and talk over the priority thought that's  to make things work out and reach to amicable resolutions for the marriage to sustain .

I know there's a line unto which u can adjust, ur already doing alot urself in this relation but someday the patience level goes down and in approaching times it will further dip.

So tell her about Your ordeal's too how You feel as the husband and how you wish to see her as your  wife and also listen to what she has in her mind..

People who argue alot need to speak alot as they got plenty of things and thoughts in their mind once its gone they feel relaxed. For sometime or somedays one cannot help being the punching bag no matter how irrelevant the situation might be.

Anyhow You Try Reinforcing her good behavior and also disapproving her smoking .. And dont even let her drink along with u if u want to have her good, make that complete else she would argue with you again on this stand , its only to go inside wherever and whoever it be

The fights can be resolved if its not taken seriously..She acts and u react that is how it goes..her pain body needs more pain and thats wht is happening..You remain calm try to be for once or twice and see if she cools down..i know its hard not to react to some verbal pinch or abuse..but if you can sustain absorb those arguements and be cool again to her, it could be that her conscience hits her and she amends her ways..

  And if still things are bad go for counselling coz ur keen to save ur marriage  and do this without any fear..Ur not doing anything wrong..whatever u said is not the written or stuck somewhere . its part of the relation..

all the best

@Amit

Thanks for your PM and its good to have different opinion to matter always, I respect your thoughts and will definetly keep in mind, she is not bad and I am sure will never try to take advantage of me. But I will keep a watch on it too, and be cautious as you suggested. 

Thanks to Aishwarya and Roshni for detailed answer and support. After reading all the answers from you people when I went back I was loving her more even because the thought of divorce is something that I avoid. I knew its too early or may be I posted in wrong form because my motive was not to take any divorce decision but take opinion of (positive) people around with their experiences. Lets say I want to know if this is all normal but looks like it is. Thanks again!!!  

I need to bring this thread to life again as I guess things are not normal again. This time I will give more information to the situation.

I am a NRI belong to middle class family in India and I married to similar family status girl of same caste it was arranged marriage (found her on matri site). Rest you all know abt things in my previous post. I will continue further with new updates. 

As I told you I found her very lazy and when I try to tell her abt her mistakes she always get offended and replies 'why are you keeping tab on my mistakes' you are also not perfect and things like that.

Recently I was in hurry for my work and since we wash our clothes all at once in washing machine so I asked her to colect her clothes together with mine and start the machine when she feels. So that next mroning I can use the clean towel and other clothes again after shower. She agreed and I also reminded her at about it in the afternoon on chat. Still when I came back the clothes were there that upset me but then I kept it to me and I told her fine I will do them, she insisted that she will do it as there are more clothes to add. I said fine. 

Finally she took sometime out of her schedule [God knows what ] and started the machine ..but I took them out the second day  when they started smelling. It was like unbelievable.

After all this she was having a skype chat with her mother who sounds very understanding to me and keep telling her daughter to keep house clean, tidy, even cook breakfast for me (which is too much to ask) etc etc and she started blaming me infront of her that I don't support her emotionally and I think I am smarter than her and she feels lonely in home and very depressed and she blames me for not doing enough etc...but thats wrong because I am sure she watches all the TV shows online, stay logged in on Facebook whole day and watch movies ..but still she has time to feel lonely and sad and depressed etc. I was like not very happy when she was telling all this her mom but not very directly (I accept that).

I was very busy this week as I had enough of office work to complete so that I can go happily to my Diwali vacation. She don't want to understand that, neither she supports me, she says 'you also don;t support me, why should I'. Then we are not having s*x for last 1 week becuas of my work and tension I am coming late few time from work. She is very very upset about it and in a strong way, she is not at all happy, she keep moaning and b*tching me and that makes me mad, she even said many bad things to me in thee past if I skip s*x. I am not sure if its normal for a woman to react this way but I am really not taking any of this anymore. She go all out, she starts screaming and questioning my manhood etc which is totally uncalled for. She knows it well we are good and have our time..but she is really strong about it and gets unhappy easily if I skip it.

Anyway, then she has this cousin sister in US also married like us and her husband is in US currently.   She always chat with her sister and they kind of compare each other husband (indirectly)..now this Karvachauth I really forgot that husband has to give something to wife as gift (trust me I was not at all aware atleast my dad never gave my mom any gift) , but still I admit I knew about this gift thing as she keep asking my brother's wife how was her Karvachauth and gift and all...so what I totally forgot...but that cousin sister's husband didn't .

Thats it she was fine this morning and after hearing abt this sad news, even seen it on video chat (7 AM in US she wake up to show her this gift to my wife) I was sitting right next to her ... cursing her husband. Anyway since then she is not in talking term to me...I tried to console a lot to her since morning even offered to cook everything today even asked her to go out for dinner....but she is not buying any of this and not talking to me...and keep bringing past problems into discussion and how I don't support her...I don't love her....no time for her ...etc...

I had enough so guys I have few question ? If we decide to divorce in future  What can be ground of divorce as this case doesn't fall in any specified in Hindu marriage act ?

Is this really normal..I mean she says she don't want to see my face..I have to admit one worst day she pushed me to a limit that I was bit violent to her ..like I pushed her and twisted her arm. But I was so much sorry abt it that I promised her I will not repeat it again ...and thats the bad point in our near perfect story.

Please advice. 

If you have to give her divoce in future as per your post. Try to do mutual divorce.

That was long. Well, all I can say, a perfect marriage will be based on how you guys want to turn it out.

____________________
Fort Myers Criminal Lawyers Best criminal lawyer

HARRASSEDBY OTHER S*X—WHY.

Majority of males feel harassed by other s*x or inlaws., the problems are deep and not as simple as it is made out to be.
1) People get attracted to opposite behavior/personality and this very factor is cause of constant quarrels., because during the course of time nothing remains hidden.
2) Men become obsessed to physical relations but once it is over they just become aloof till the next time. While woman can not toss away the need of constant attention to her.
3) People who are popular with woman are those who cater to her needs/ obsession of constant attention .
4) Woman literate or illiterate have a God gift for judgment of men psyche and that is where most men slip and suffer.
5) So dear sir if you want to excel with woman learn psychology, keep your ego aside and learn to control your physical needs.You try to become boss and you end up becoming a slave of circumstances . Learn to creep in as master and you will in reality be master.
6) So even after the all efforts if you feel trapped in relations which can not be sustained , be bold to come out and there are ample opportunities to get other partner provided you learn not to repeat earlier mistakes.

However it will need efforts with cost and most important of all is you must be able to keep your ego aside. Avoid blame game since it is more an ego play. Ego is the biggest culprit of sufferings of most of the men any where.