A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot.
Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."
"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"
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Your family court judge and your ex-mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You have time to save only one of them. Do you have lunch or go to a movie?
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A physician, an engineer and a judge were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."
The judge smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"
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After his death, the family court judge found herself with the devil in a room filled with clocks. Each clock turned at a different speed and was labeled with the name of a different occupation. After examining all the clocks, the judge turned to the devil and said, "I have two questions. First, why does each clock move at a different speed?"
"They turn at the rate at which the members of that occupation collectively sin on earth," replied the devil.
"What's your second question?"
"Well," said the judge. "I can't seem to find my occupation. Where is the 'family court judges' clock?"
The devil momentarily looked confused, and he started checking the clocks. "They should all be here," he muttered, looking frantically, "It has to be here somewhere... Oh, there will be Hell to pay for this."
Suddenly, the devil relaxed, slapped himself on the forehead, and exclaimed, "Oh, yes! How silly of me. We keep that clock in the workshop and use it for a fan." ********************
Dead Judge
An family law attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."
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The Generous Family Law Judge
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very generous and fair of you, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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Family Law Judge to Father: Do you have anything to offer this court before I issue my judgement?
Father: No your honour, my lawyer took it all.
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Family Law Judge to Mother: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?
Mother: I do.
Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?
Mother: Sure. I get everything I want.
