greenwich5 (na) 11 February 2016

Marriage issues

Hello members,

I got married 8 months ago, there were lot of difference of opinions since starting.
My parents are simple and does not speaks much but my wife is very outspoken, and never respects them.

She is short tempered and sometimes used to throw things in house and demean everyone by doing some kind of actions. I tried speaking to her parents about these things , they even came to our house and after discussions, it was fine only for few days.

Whenever we had small fight over petty issues, she calls my MIL and starts crying. Her parents listen to her and always allege me without even listening to complete story. I have also observed that MIL forces her to tell everything happening inside our house by emotional blackmailing - like I will die if you dont tell me the details etc.I have tried to make her understand that we both should keep our parents out of this, she tells me she wont but her parents know everything.

One month back there was a small fight among us and she called up her parents,they came and insulted us, asked her to pack bags, and took her in a hurry. They told us that we will let you if she wants to come or not. Through a common friend I came to know that her family is encouraging her to look for alternate accomodation near her place of work. She is also bad mouthing our family and lying that we have forced her out of house.Once, she hurt herself and threaten for suicide and when we tried to call her parents, they never came. So, we took her to hospital and she told her uncle it was her mistake due to anger. But later on, her parents blamed me that I had hurt her.

From past 3 months I have been trying to call her parents to sort any differences, even asked her for marraige counsellor but she says i am not mad. We have not taken single penny as dowry. We also have maid/cook to support her since she is working and my mom also helps doing most of the work.
Her parents always tell me that I have done nothing for her. I know what I have done for her - I always took care of her like children since she is suffering from hypertension and other problems, always bought her things she wanted going beyond what my pocket allows, help her in household chores etc. but they have always complained no matter what I do. There seems to be ego, status issues and they want to dominate us.

My MIL is of controlling nature and she tries to persuade her for same. I have observed that MIL feels happy if I ask her for something (like asking her for help in terms of money etc, but I dont do this since I prefer not taking anything from them). Also, she gets jealous if I buy her anything expensive as if she could not believe that I was able to buy her. This is hard to explain.

Many times I tried to make my wife understand that we have different life and we should focus on growing together with each other but all waste.
Its been over 2 months since she has left the house, and no communication from their end, please let me know how should i proceed.

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5 Replies

Nitin (marketting manager) 11 February 2016

Hello ,

as she is at her house,make attempts formally to request her to come home, a registered post will be the best bet and keep a copy with you.

record all the phone calls if possible video recordings and their behaviour

so tomorrow even if they file 498A,DV etc etc.. you will be saved.else god only can help you with these women biased laws.

Rgds,

Nitin

Krish 11 February 2016

Hi Nitin,

Recording all calls would may help him. But what way does register post play key role here? Now a days, we use phones to communicate/ can directly go her come for discussions. Although if he sends any register post, it may be supicious to all the people that he intentionally playing some trick. Could you please elaborate little more?

Born Fighter (xxx) 11 February 2016

Greenwich5, you did ur best to save your marriage so far !!

From what you have mentioned abt ur wife she seems to be suffering from a mental disorder. Hurting self, threatening, extreme anger and " im always right" and going to any extent to make things happen as per her wish .......is her way of life. Im i correct ??, if yes then read below :----

A wife of such a nature cannot be controlled or tamed and any such attempt will only backfire with DV.498A in return. Involving her parents was the right approach as it was an arranged marriage (if im not mistaken) and her parents are her first guardian. Any suicidal attempt from ur wife in first 7 years of marriage could land u in jail.

If you have any plans of getting her back please note you will have to change urself and tolerate her irrational and extreme behaviour for fear of divorce/social pressure (if u care )

If u feel like ur walking on the egg shells then decide what you want to do .........save the marriage or let it go !!, then you can plan what needs to be done to achieve what u have planned !!! U also need to introspect ur own behaviour and finding out if u have failed to understand her or her needs, she is born with these qualities and whatever she is doing is what she has seen around & inherited from her own parents..................

All the Best !!

greenwich5 (na) 14 February 2016

@Mrs. Renuka, It is difficult for me to leave parents as they are very old and also I have no monetary support from wife to manage two households. I understand that I should not have involved her parents initially, but once I realized i always encouraged her to resolve conflicts mutually w/o parents intereference. Infact, I even argued with my parents to support her if they tried to interfere but still I was never appreciated. Her parents always know everything happening inside our house and they ignore the positives only to blame me for petty issues b/w me/wife.

@Born Fighter, you are correct, she is suffering from personality disorder and I also encouraged her to see counsellor to resolve issues but failed. I have no intentions to harm her or anyone and would have wished things would become fine, but I dont see a ray of hope with her attitude, I want to save my family from any false allegations which she may put on us. Deep inside, I know where this would end up....

please suggest...thanks