Please help me in handling mental harrasment

Join the local Save India Family Foundation group -> saveindianfamily.org . There you will meet similar persons who are being harassed by wife . Meet and share

You need to decide what you want to do ?

a) Go for divorce

b) Live with abusive wife

Dear Muralidhar,

Sorry to know that you are also facing problem in your marriage. 

A Lot of experts are there in this forum, who can guide you. But before that, you have to be sure what you wanted to do. 

If you have decided not to continue your life with your wife, then proceed in that direction. Experts will advise you and then you can approach your local lawyer.

Out of my experience, I can only advise that once your wife had no respect for you or your family members, and she has already taken the legal whip by going to police station etc., then there is no point in continuing a troublesome marriage. You cannot find peace at any point in your life and there is no possibility. Better quit it. Agree for divorce. 

There's a proverb, "if a cloth falls on a bunch of thorns, or bunch of thorns falls on a cloth, when you try to pull out the cloth, the damage is only for the cloth". That's case in  divorce proceedings. Either husband applies for divorce or wife applies for divorce, but the damage is always to the husband.

If you really want to find peace, you may follow these steps:

1)  Return the money of Rs.3,00,000/- (in form of cheque/ DD) under a note stating that "the money borrowed during marriage function is returned with 'Thanks'". Send it through Registered AD to your Father-in-laws house. Keep the acknowledgement copy. Prepare the list of jewels she brought during the wedding time and jewels bought after wedding. If you have possession of any of her jewels, just return it to her with some witness or despoit those jewels in bank locker, in her name.

2) Talk to your wife that you wanted to apply for Mutual Consent Divorce and tell her how you would like to make the settlement for her and your two kids. You are lucky that your wife is asking for divorce. Go for it.

3) In case you feel that your wife is greedy, then quit your job for the time being. Find a job with less salary, but which gives rich experience. Keep your salary as low as possible. Your kids might not need more than 10,000/- per month. AGree to pay for that. But contest for paying for your wife, if she files maintenance case.

4) In case, if you expect that she might file 498a, DV etc., take the advice from the experts of this forum. Thereafter, approach your local lawyer.

Tnxz,

Nandha.

I fully second the advice given by Shri Nanda. Disengage, move forward.

Dear Mualidhar,

I was just brooding over after going through your query,what to reply?Suddenly I found Nandhaji's reply.He is our old querist with another thread.I just don't want to give a hurried suggestion as I feel ,initially all these started due to lack of proper communication,between the husband and wife,husband and inlaws and inlaws vs inlaws.

Dear Muralidhar,

Your issues from (1) to (4) can be rectified and they are quite common in families.These are only due lack of proper understanding. ( 5 and 6) are deplorable,as elders your inlaws acted in a manner contrary to elderly behaviour.This you can solve by some mediation by both sides.Relatives and common friends can be involved in the mediation. (7 and  8) are also not so alarming, can be repaired.

Now comming to your wife's decision for a divorce,I feel that  the happennings have created a sense of supremacy over you in her.Still I aam of the opinion good councelling by family councellors can solve your problem. If that does not succeed ,then you have to plan for the ultimate.So please don't take any hasty decisions,which will certainly have an impact on your children.

U married in 2007, having two children and  quarrelling  on petty issues. 

Sit together and in a peaceful mood n analyse the issues without boiling ur minds.

Take the help of psychologist.   Do not enter into legal battle. When I read ur story, I feel there is a gap in between u. She needs more affection n attention then u r giving.   She  wants seperation from ur parents and privacy. 

Cool ....... Don't hurry ................ good luck

Rightly adviced by Mr.Srinivas.For every domestic problem,why should either the wife or the husband run after courts spending tons of hard earned money.As an advocate I should not say these things.But I feel reconcialation between the husband and the wife is the best possible solution.Don't bother about your parents or relatives.It is you both who have agreed to get married.It is your bonded duty to stay together as long as you live.Quarrels and misunderstandings are common in life.But we have to have a retrospect of the past and try to overcome them.

BEST OF LUCK

Dear Mr. Muralidhar,

Ld. lawyers have given their advice which you may follow.

From your profile and your post above, i understand you must be from a typical middle class South Indian family. In such a family no one has a personal life like the upper class of the society  - where the husband enjoys parties with his friends and wife goes out in her own car and enjoys parties with her own circle. 

In a typical middle class family, husband & family are always expected to be together and in any occasion, wife is expected to be a step ahead in taking up family chores.  Based on this thinking, it seems you have married a girl from a village who can be upto your middle class expectations. But she turned out to be something else.

Secondly, when your father-in-law has already stepped into police station and he will  make frequent visits even if you show a bit of frustration to your wife.

Thirdly, when your wife has started asking for divorce then there is no need think twice. You said you are facing mental harrasment, and she is trying to end the marriage, then what's left in your marital life???? Only the children.. 

Be a good father to your children by fullfilling their needs. Be bold, speak out your decision, talk your wife and her family members through some common respectable elders of both the families. Settle the matter amicably. 

All the best,

nandha