Victim of Domestic Violence

Behave as if she does not exist. Start learning to enjoy your life alone.

By seeing this that you are enjoying your life despite of all her ill treatments , she may change her behaviour.

Of Course, It is very difficult to live with such litigant wife, who is contesting while remaining in touch with all of your activities. It is advisable to use your home, during continuation of proceedings, as a guest house for you. Just come to stay there in night and leave in the morning. Do not intervene in affairs of the house. U may remain away from home, as being on tour for the work of company. Always conceal ur thoughts. and listen carefully what she says. This will reveal her modes oprendi against you. In DV case, the Court will ask you to pay certain amount of money to her per month as maintenance. And not to debar her from household, where she is living with you. Both the things you have already been doing. Simply Judicially enforceable verdict will come. If she tortures you the most, same police machinery and Judicial set up is there to your rescue, as she is availing. DO NOT GET DEPRESS. She has very very limited options.

akseth advocate=========aksethadvct@gmail.com

I agree with views of  Sam'z Back, also. Those would be of great help. Consider those also.

All d best.       akseth advocate=======aksethadvct@gmail.com

Thanks Sam for you insights!! What is MCD btw ...?

To understand my position, you need to know little more about me. Really not sure from where to start

It all started in 2007, I am not legally married to her. I am into a live-in (not sure of what exactly to term it, but you can guess out the whole situation if you read on..) relationship with my so-called wife. She is 11 years elder to me. She is still legally married to her ex-husband from who she never took a divorce and HE is not in knowledge of me. We conjugally agreed to stay together as both of us respected the relationship as husband and wife. This was not accepted by my parents so I broke off from them, but her parents accepted me and her separation from her ex-husband, so they supported us all through.

As things moved on, I realized that she wants me to break all my ties with my parents, past life, friends and just wants me to live a life which she likes, be loyal to her parents and never have a choice or decision about myself in my life. She wants (still...) to control my life and do whatever she likes me to do. She wants to control all my earnings, finances, basically please her in every way. She argues that this was the prime reason she allowed me in her life and would have otherwise gone ahead with much wealthier people rather than me as she was already displeased with her ex-husband (as a matter of fact, she wanted to control HIS life too, but eventually couldn’t do).

She has a daughter from her ex-husband (who is 12 years old) and 2 daughters with me (they are just 1 and 2 years old). They all stay with her. We live in a rented accommodation.

Her view is that she will be the prime decision maker in the family and never cares to think about my views or opinion in them. She does (or wants to do) whatever she thinks good for kids and family life and picks up a fight with me whenever I put my inputs in that. Whenever such situations happen, she comes to my room (if I am in house or waits for such time if I am outside) locks up the room, blocks the door and start an argument which eventually she blows out of proportion citing all unreasonable reasons and gets physical as I can’t push or shove her. If I am out of house, she starts screaming and torturing me mentally over phone for hours. I can’t avoid the call or disconnect as things will turn out very ugly when I go in the house.

Talking about our financial status, her paternal family is wealthier than us. We are just good to do middle-class people but they have some good contacts among society, police, law etc.. Her parents stand on the whole thing is that they never oppose her as she basically doesn’t listen to anyone. Initially when we used to have heated conversations I used to inform them and they mediated over to solve it, but with due passage of time they came to understand that she doesn’t listen to anyone and they choose not to interfere.

I am quite helpless of the whole situation and not really sure what solution to ask for here as I don’t know what specific questions to ask but I want a solution of the whole thing.

Please put in your views as I think of the questions I can think of.

Originally posted by : ArpanD
	Thanks Sam for you insights!! What is MCD btw ...?   To understand my position, you need to know little more about me. Really not sure from where to start   It all started in 2007, I am not legally married to her. I am into a live-in (not sure of what exactly to term it, but you can guess out the whole situation if you read on..) relationship with my so-called wife. She is 11 years elder to me. She is still legally married to her ex-husband from who she never took a divorce and HE is not in knowledge of me. We conjugally agreed to stay together as both of us respected the relationship as husband and wife. This was not accepted by my parents so I broke off from them, but her parents accepted me and her separation from her ex-husband, so they supported us all through.   As things moved on, I realized that she wants me to break all my ties with my parents, past life, friends and just wants me to live a life which she likes, be loyal to her parents and never have a choice or decision about myself in my life. She wants (still...) to control my life and do whatever she likes me to do. She wants to control all my earnings, finances, basically please her in every way. She argues that this was the prime reason she allowed me in her life and would have otherwise gone ahead with much wealthier people rather than me as she was already displeased with her ex-husband (as a matter of fact, she wanted to control HIS life too, but eventually couldn’t do).   She has a daughter from her ex-husband (who is 12 years old) and 2 daughters with me (they are just 1 and 2 years old). They all stay with her. We live in a rented accommodation.   Her view is that she will be the prime decision maker in the family and never cares to think about my views or opinion in them. She does (or wants to do) whatever she thinks good for kids and family life and picks up a fight with me whenever I put my inputs in that. Whenever such situations happen, she comes to my room (if I am in house or waits for such time if I am outside) locks up the room, blocks the door and start an argument which eventually she blows out of proportion citing all unreasonable reasons and gets physical as I can’t push or shove her. If I am out of house, she starts screaming and torturing me mentally over phone for hours. I can’t avoid the call or disconnect as things will turn out very ugly when I go in the house.   Talking about our financial status, her paternal family is wealthier than us. We are just good to do middle-class people but they have some good contacts among society, police, law etc.. Her parents stand on the whole thing is that they never oppose her as she basically doesn’t listen to anyone. Initially when we used to have heated conversations I used to inform them and they mediated over to solve it, but with due passage of time they came to understand that she doesn’t listen to anyone and they choose not to interfere.   I am quite helpless of the whole situation and not really sure what solution to ask for here as I don’t know what specific questions to ask but I want a solution of the whole thing.   Please put in your views as I think of the questions I can think of.

Dear Arpan

MCD means MUTUAL CONSENT DIVORCE wherin both the husband and wife agree for divorce and apply jointly for divorce.

This one is straight out of some Manmohan Desai movie man!

You’ve have made your choices, and so have made compromises, you cannot ask for a divorce from her because you are legally not married to her.

She never got a divorce from her husband makes things even more complicated.

If her shouting and screaming and trying to be all the time “LET ME SHOW WHO THE BOSS IS” kind of attitude is all your problem, you have to just adjust with her.

Or run away from the place, even if you run away, you have left two small kids behind which are your own.   Taking them along with you and running I do not think you will be able to do.  Either ways its such a big mess.

One thing could be done, you be come the JO HUKUM kind of person like ALWAYS YES SIR mode, that will give relief as well let you enjoy whatever little is left which I would call peace of mind.

Going to the police will be a foolish thing to do, even if you record tapes take photographs etc, it wont be of any use, they will ask is she your legally wedded wife, you say no, they ask her, are you divorced etc she may lie but that will put her in trouble.  Eitherways don’t be surprised if the police themselves be confused of what to do with your complaint.

Adjustment thy is the name of life, seems to be the mantra here.

@sujay .. Well, the issue is not about adjustment. What concerns me is the kind of violent attack (both physical and mental) she does on me. I want to refrain her from carrying that on and make her understand that she is not right doing such. I want to carry out life in my way and not let her interrupt that. She is not right when she prevents me from going out of the house or wants me to discontinue from my job as she just don't like that. I am sure I am not asking much!!

And yes, you are right, not everyday you see a situation like mine!!