Why men wants to make changes only in their favorable ways?

Chandu lal ji, I can also search on the Internet and post 1000 + judgements in which misuse of women biased laws is evident. and everbody understands the economics behind these laws..... ofcourse by making the laws gender neutral, the rozi roti of advocates ( no offence to ethical advocates) will certainly be affected! family problems should be dealt the right way boss......... please let me know if you want me to post the judgements to make ur comment look small......... in return of what u did just now.......

@zeeshan-i did not blam anyone ,infact i said its high time 'we treat men nd women equally with equal rights,'as an individual i did not find any discrimination in my life and around.

@zeeshan-U quoted my post and gave a reply...starting with madam,So i assumed you are mentioning me.Ok then .cool:)

as i have said earlier also in many posts,women themselves are the enemies of women.

 

the other day a discussion was going on amongst my female aquaintances.some of them are of my mum's generation,and some are of my generation.there were a few unmarried girls also.

 

the issue was,wot shud a married woman do with her income after marriage.the unmarried women(my age) said that they will HAVE TO hand over their salary to their in-laws after marriage.i asked y? they said it's a tradition.then i said,wot if u want to spend it on urself.they said,they will ask in-laws for the money,whenever they need it..

i said a married woman shud definately spend her money on her new home's household expenses,but i dont agree that she shud hand over her salary to in-laws.she can keep it with herself,and then spend on the household expenses.but no one agreed wid me.

 

then on  another day,when one lady shared her mother-in-law's taunting nature,she was advised by all ladies,including those of my generation,that mother-in-laws are always like this.they also got harassed by their MILs.so you must bear this gracefully,because they are taking out their frustration on you.....

 

then another lady of my mum's generation(who is 60 +) shared that till now her sister-in-law taunts her whenever she visits and stays in her house.and she bears it till now.i asked her why you always welcome her in your very own house,when she misbehaves...and she looked at me peculiarly,as if i am provoking her to rebel.

 

 

similarly when i was in college,i was once having a discussion on dowry with my batchmates.we were in B.Sc batch.all the girls except me said that there's no harm in paying dowry,because thats the tradition.rather they looked at me peculiarly,for having a wrong thinking.mind you,these girls were from upper middle class families,with educated parents...

In fact,in all these years,i have so often heard women welcoming suppression as some indian tradition,that i know in advance whenever i am sitting in a women's group,what they will speak when the issues of marriage and social evil come up..

if u note,in all the the above family dramas,no men are involved.the fight is amongst women only.and women also dont like to stand up for one another.they keep advising women to bear harassment gracefully,as if it's a tradition to tolerate nonsense in india.

rather i was blamed for having a wrong thinking!  mind you,all these ladies hold masters degrees,and are working at good posts.

 

so whenever u talk to indian women,it doesnt matter whether they are educated or not...,usually ladies are not united when it comes to social evils and keep lecturing others to "change their attitude".they like to remian suppressed,and welcome this suppression too.

 

for example-u will never hear men saying "let's change our attitude to adjust with our wives".

 

you will never hear mother in-laws saying in a group,"let us changge our possessive natures to show love to our daughter -in-law and equal treatment to our samdhis...they always speak sharply about them.

 

that is why i always say that education cannot change a person's thinking,because we are not getting any spiritual or moral education.we are only getting technical education..

To whomesoever it may concern:

 

Men Do adjust and so do women..this is the mantra of a successful marriage...no one blames each other.but adjust..no one says that men are not adjusting..but they adjust..there is no revolt..there is only one objective..to be happy as a family...have children, grow old together, se our children grow, children getting maried..

 

These good things are possible when both men and women adjust...try to make every day as new as possible...

 

In successful marriagEs...men take care of their wifes..and women of their husbands...

 

THE SINGLE THOUGHT THAT THE OTHER PARTNER IS NOT ADJUSTING AND IT IS ME WHO HAS TO ADJUST ALL THE TIME...WILL BREAK THE MARRIAGE..

 

Gautam

aptly opined to have a good marriage by author above

can someone explain what "adjustment" in a marriage means???

 

as i can understand,it means to accommodate.for example,if your spouse has a bad cold,you lower your bedroom's fan speed,so that he can sleep comfortably.however,if he doesnt want the fan at all while you want it,you sleep in another room till he recovers..

 

similarly,if your spouse hates outing while you like it,you dont fight with him,but go our with your frenz occassionally instead of fighting with him to change himself.this way,ur dignity or self respect are not compromised,and his likes/dislikes are also considered.

in the first scenario,for example,though the healthy spouse had to face a little discomfort,it was not so bad,that it affected his mental health,or lowered his confidence.the unhealthy spouse was also not harassing him/her..he had a genuine problem..

the above 2 egs. are cases of +ve kind of adjustment dun by the compromising spouse in which he did not have to lower his dignity,and the comfort of the other spouse was also catered to.such adjustments are very much reqd. for harmony...

 

however in india,we often hear people advise a married woman to "adjust" even if she is facing verbal abuses(like gaalis,taunts for her bad cooking,dark complaexion etc)

 

in all the egs. that i quoted above in my last post,all those women are facing some kind of abuse,which they dont want to admit that they are facing....they say they are adjusting,whereas i feel they are "tolerating"and do not want to have any say in life even if they are highly educated and working.at the same time,they are teaching other women also to tolerate verbal taunts becuase their MILs also tolerated the same...so this family tradition of envying and abusing must go on...

 

so can u LCI people tell me,what you exactly mean by the word adjustment?I ask this since u said in a few lines,that adjustment is the only key to a successful marriage.but this is a vague statement...i am not sure about wot u r saying..

is it to tolerate ill behavior,or is it to become a lil flexible(without lowering ur dignity) so that ur spouse can live comfortably and so can u??

 

 

kindly elaborate..

never ending debate....yet nobody would change their attitude

can someone explain what "adjustment" in a marriage means???

Marriage brings perfection in life.Marriage is not an adjustment.

 

 

 Marriage as "socially legitimate s*xual union, begun with a public announcement and undertaken with some ideas of permanence; it is assumed with more a less explicit marriage contract, which spells out the reciprocal rights and obligations between the spouses and future children” 

All the marriages are aimed at happiness in one or another way. Most couples marry filled up with expectations. Some of the expectations will be realistic while others unrealistic. This is due to the complex nature of marriage and each individual is as complex as a universe. Therefore, in marriage two universes close together.

Marriage brings perfection in life.Marriage is not an adjustment. It is a belief in each other.The wife and the husband. Once they get married they both should treat the other as half of his life.

A strong partnership provides companionship, interpersonal closeness, emotional fulfillment, and support that acts as a buffer against physical and emotional affliction. Marriage should enrich the love between two people, and it evolves through the foundations of friendship, a meaningful s*xual rela¬tionship, mutual respect, trust, and compassion.

Graduate non-working married women feel more depression in their daily life and in home task than the women who get education above than graduation. Because if a married woman is highly educated, she can well judge her household problems and solve them with ease. In this way she feels free from depression and lives a happy marital life. On the other hand less educated married women cannot solve their problems because of less information about that problematic issue. So that she feels herself in depression and this affects her marital life. Along with this, the results further suggest that highly educated married non-working women are better adjusted in their married lives. It indicates that those non-working women who are highly educated can spend their married life easily and solve their problems without depression as compared to only graduate women. According to researchers high education encourages women to solve their problems marital maladjustment and it also helps them in bringing up their children properly .

Components of a Strong and Satisfying Marriage

Strong marriages are the result of efforts by both spouses to make the marriage work

 / Consider mate as best friend 

 / Like mate as a person

 / See marriage as a long-term commitment 

/ See marriage as a sacred institution 

/ Agree on goals 

/ Laugh together frequently

The Warning Signs;

l. Criticism—Often this can start out as complain¬ing. There are always things that can annoy us about our partners. However, when it moves into criticism there can be real problems in the mar¬riage. "Criticism involves attacking someone's personality or character—rather than a specific behavior—usually with blame." Criticism tends to be generalizations rather than about a specific issue.

2. Contempt—O vertl me, if partners are not careful, criticism can often move into contempt. This is when there is intention to insult and psychologi¬cally abuse your partner. Bringing these on are often extremely negative thoughts or feelings about your partner such as he or she is so stupid, disgusting, incompetent, etc. 

3. Defensiveness—Often defensiveness comes in reaction to contempt. It can become automatic to defend yourself when you feel you are being attacked. Defensiveness can be actions such as denying responsibility, making excuses, turn¬ing a complaint or criticism around on the other partner, cross-complaining or returning a Complaint from your partner with a complaint of your own. All of these are in contradiction to listening to the partner's complaint, and trying to internalize it and change that behavior. In an attempt of self-protection, the problem is never really resolved.

@ Utpala why should we change our attitude if the opposition wants to be the same...
 

Looks like utpala is here to judge everyone

@Mayur, both side wud never change their attitude..i meant that.

so don't judge me in the light of wrong interpretation.

After going through all these conversations & arguments  My opinion (feel) " Be single ,Be independent ,be Happy'

I don't agree with @hegde,that is not the solution,being single will not make us independant and happy,b'coz human beings are surrounded with other relations.Not getting married and without a partner is not the answer.as we all know wedlock is not ultimate.

i think we all are getting deviating frm question raised here.The question posted itself is wrong.Author made unnessasary aligation on other gender,where as we all know it is not men always who make changes or decisions in the soceity according to they benifits or favour.Women is good and sharp in visual and verbal skills,i've seen very close relations of mine ,how much can a woman take over the entire charge of her household and man remain a puppet in the house,its not that 'he' is incapable it is because 'she' express herself clear in verbal,But men are innovators,experimental,stronger,better in motor skills and manipulating objects,but they fail in verbal 'war' with woman.That does not make man weak .

Thus,before me going off hand the subject 'i like to put up my last words,it is the human being that can be dominating or dictating in the society ,its never 'MAN OR WOMEN'.as a single.

i don't think this is such a big question to hold a debate.good luck to all..:)

@ Miss Anita you are right... The question posted itself is wrong.