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Kareem   08 May 2016

Girlfriend won't abort! she is now 20 weeks pregnant!

Hi,

I am 25 yr old Muslim male. I was in an on-off relationship with a hindu girl(24 yr old). I had made her clear that we won't marry as it was impossible and would have been a bad decision in long term. We did like each other and spent time together. In February 2016, she told me she has been missing her periods for two months now and don't know what to do! I freaked out, I accompanied her to a gynaecologist, who suggested an ultrasound and it was done, it was clear she was pregnant. Ever since, I have been suggesting her to go for abortion. It has always been a suggestion and advise from me that she aborts the child as we were 1) unmarried, 2) from different religions 3) too young for all this 4) marriage being a bad decision from family perspective, etc. 

Initially she said, she will take care of the baby herself, she won't abort the baby and told me that I can leave, she will not bother me and so on. But I knew, she was in a trauma after finding out that she was pregnant and her morale forced her to think emotionally and not the right way. 

By March end 2016, her senses kicked in and she agreed that we should go for abortion, she told me that she went to a doctor who prescribed her a medicine which my girlfriend took at her home and she told me that she bled that day. But after that nothing really happened. She didn't have any more blood.

Since then, she has been telling me that she has been going the gynae but can't get an appointment. Yesterday, I asked to go to some other doctor, whom when my girlfriend went to see told her that abortion cannot happen as its late. It has been a 20 week pregnancy.My girlfriend seems so ok with it. When I suggest that we should tell our parents about this, she says no and says she will deliver the child and give the child for adoption, which I believe is not the way to go about it.

I have had some trust issues with her as she has been a liar in this relationship. I always forgave her because I really had nobody else to talk to. I sometimes believe that all the ipills that I gave her, she didn't take any ipill. Plus, she faked intaking that medical abortion pill and the blood she said she leaked was tomato ketchup(she showed me the picture of her bloodied shorts).

Please advise what I should do in this situation that my hindu girlfriend is 20 weeks pregnant and we cant abort. Should I tell our parents about this or would that be a mistake? should we go for illegal abortion? On a serious note and this might sound bad, but since I never wanted this child and always suggested her to go for abortion from the beginning, I don't want to have anything to do with her and the child.

If I dont tell her parents, they will eventually find out and I don't know how their reaction/action would be.

Please suggest if there is a way, I can get out of this trouble and stay away from all of this.

 



Learning

 8 Replies

Dr. MPS RAMANI Ph.D.[Tech.] (Scientist/Engineer)     08 May 2016

She is pregnant and not you. She should have asked this question and not you. Do not abort now. It will be dangerous. In due course she will deliver the baby. If she asks you to do anything or does something before and after the delivery then come here and ask what to  do.

Kumar Doab (FIN)     08 May 2016

Don't force to abort.

Kr   08 May 2016

20weeks is the threshold for abortion ,anything after that is fatal and mtp is illegal beyond it unless proved to be fatal to the mother or in a case called annencephaly

saravanan s (legal advisor)     08 May 2016

Better convince the parents from both side and marry her in order to prevent complications in the future

Pawan S (Advocate)     09 May 2016

Inform the parents from both sides and understand their thoughts on this.

adv.raghavan (Advocate,9444674980)     09 May 2016

The query is more of moral issue than legal issue, so the querist is the right person to take a call.

muthu   10 May 2016

Convince on both the sides and get marriage registered if they agree or not.

Kareem   12 May 2016

there are two concerns i have that ever since i got to know about her pregnancy(10weeks) I have been pleading her to abort but she wouldn't listen. I can't force her right? Secondly i have a strong feeling that she didn't take the ipills I bought her everytime we had s*x. I feel like being forced into getting married to her. I never wanted the child but i couldn't force her to abort and now it's almost impossible to abort. She says she can't tell her parents and lives alone in a rented flat. She msgs me telling me how she misses me n all. I completely understand her perspective that she is alone n needs support but she knows I never wanted to be a part of her pregnancy and thats why all these months i have been pleading her to abort the child but she wouldn't and now I don't feel happy to be with her to be honest because i feel like she forced me into all this. I don't know what to do. If I stop talking to her I am always thinking about her hoping she doesn't take any wrong step like committing suicide. I really don't know what to do. But I sincerely don't feel good about the fact that i may have to marry when i don't want to. Please suggest what to do. Is there any way I can stay away from her or will i have to marry this girl when I don't want to. She knew from the beginning that i never agreed to marry her. Lastly, she & I both work in the same company, should i resign from that company or not? Will itgo against me if i resign? please advise. Really need your help on this.

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