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Sandeep Kumar (....)     21 August 2017

Wife influenced by her mother and relatives

Hello,

I got married on Nov 15, ever since we were married my wife had issues with my mother. She had made a lot of fights with my mom and me for a lot of reasons. We as a husband and wife had rarely fought over our issues, but it was always about my parents that she had problems. I understand that a Girl coming from a different Home and culture will need time to mingle in a new family. I provided my full support to her, in making her understand how things run at home and how she needs to respond to situations and not react. However, she would just keep quite for a few days and start issues again. 

One reason i can strongly point out is that her mother and relatives are influencing her to make quarrels and seperate me from my Parents. Everytime her mother nd relatives visited us,  she would somehow make a fight against my mom and dad within a few days. I had tried my best to sort out the fights between both of them and everytime she would agree her mistake and after few days she would start again. I was helpless in most of the cases, as i could not take sides.  I know that these are commonly seen family problems. But things have taken a new turn. We had been blessed with a baby girl on Dec 16.

My Daughter is the most precious thing that has ever happened to our family. She is the first Girl child in our family and she was everything for us. My parents were attached to my daugther and they visited atleast 2-3 times a day when we were in the hospital. But my wife's parents and relatives didnt share our happiness. They influenced my wife in so many ways that she started picking fights with me and eventually started insulting my parents in the hospital. My wife started calling out names and denied giving my daughter to my parents saying that them seeing my child is bad omen. I recollect my wife's mother and relatives telling me the same before this incident, i however told that they are just overthinking and should let them be. 

This incident took a nasty turn as she insulted my parents right infront of me and denied giving my baby to my parents. I made her clear that she was not thinking straight. I went back home, and decided not to talk to her until she realises what she had done.     A few days later she calls back saying the baby is very ill and she doesnt know wat to do. So i decided to get her back, forgiving  to what she had done in the hospital. She again kept quite untill the baby recovered and again pulled another fight with my parents. This time she called her mom saying that i was beating her and they should come and get her immediately. The next day they came and made a huge ruckus, at took my daughter and wife with them. 

I saw no point in calling her or convincing her and thought she should come to her senses if i didnt go to visit them both. She called my Mom a couple of times, and demanded that we come and get her. That was evident that she has not changed for what she has done and there was no point in getting her back. Or else she would again make another fight. 

I am seriously concerned, how i should approach this situation. Its been 8 months that i have seen the baby and i fear that her parents are just making her wait for me to either come out of my house or go for the ultimatum(divorce).

Please suggest.



Learning

 18 Replies

Raveena Kataria (Advocate )     21 August 2017

Hi! Just a note. These instances are, indeed, as you stated, common. A lot of times, whenever women seem to be 'slipping out of one's control', that's to say, they do not necessarily relent to your demands and fight back, in majority of the cases it is assumed that it may not be so out of her own violition or will. That she is being "influenced" to behave in the way she is, otherwise things would be perfectly smooth and it would all be just butterflies and happy things.

Please let me correct you on that misconception. Your wife may indeed be acting out because she, individually, is uncomfortable with whatever you and/or your family are putting her through that causes her to lash out. Perhaps she needed more space, perhaps she needed space just from your parents. I'd say you'd do well to pay heed to her demands instead, and not involve your family in this as they may not be likely to see reason.

Even though it is your baby girl, it's also her baby and she wouldn't want for any harm to come to the baby either. You do not have much in terms of legal recourse. Perhaps you can apply for restitution of conjugal rights, but again you may have to go about your few options carefully. If indeed you have tried to hit her, I'd suggest you refrain from doing that as she'd possess more legal options against you. Try to sort this with her, alone, and if she isn't content living with your parents, do not force her to do so. An unhappy marriage would have a serious impact on your baby girl.

Sachin (N.A)     21 August 2017

There is nothing new, I seen many cases where parents of women provoke / misguide her to create scene in her matrimonial house so she can become the head of the family.

You move on rented accomodation with her and ask your parents to disown both of you. It will definately reduce the complications in case she file any cases against you and your parents.

First let your parents disown you,

then find rented accomodation shift there 

And then inform your wife that because of her your parents have thrown you out of house, and invite her to live in rented accommodation. 

Sachin (N.A)     21 August 2017

Originally posted by : Raveena Kataria
Perhaps you can apply for restitution of conjugal rights,                                                                                         

 

Never file the case of restitution of conjugal rights as suggested above by the "client hunter". It will backfire you.

Sandeep Kumar (....)     21 August 2017

Thanks for your responses.

@ Raveena: Your view of the problem is how I perceived it earlier, that is why I always supported her and encouraged her to mingle with my family(Never forced). Also, I have never beaten her till date, that was a lie she told her mom. My parents are more than willing to forgive her and give her that space. But tell me, even if in my absence/ presence she is being treated as a daughter by my parents and she herself told me a couple of times. But when her mom's interaction with her started she started changing her attitude. When she hasn't changed her behavior towards us, what good will it do to give into her demands? She might take this as an advantage right, and don't you feel I have the responsibility to keep up my Parents respect. 

I don't have any worry about my daughter as I know my wife will take good care of her. But my concern is losing them both if she is still at her home.

 

@Sachin: I am the only son to my parents and you are suggesting me to leave them ??. I am responsible for their well being, I cannot abandon them like this.

Yes, I do not want to go legally on this right now, as I want both of them to come back to me. I wanted to know if there is any better way of handling this situation. 

Sachin (N.A)     21 August 2017

Originally posted by : Sandeep Kumar
Thanks for your responses.

@Sachin: I am the only son to my parents and you are suggesting me to leave them ??. I am responsible for their well being, I cannot abandon them like this.

Yes, I do not want to go legally on this right now, as I want both of them to come back to me. I wanted to know if there is any better way of handling this situation. 

 

Where i suggested you to abondon them?

I said start living in rented house with your wife, for the saftey of your parents from false cases. Otherwise if she file false cases while living with them they will be in deep trouble. Longer the time you live in seprate house your parents will be the safe.

Also when your wife will start facing problems of living in rented house she may realise her mistake.

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     21 August 2017

You have been properly advised.

You might not be having any irrefutable evidence of any instance that you have posted.

It is good that you want to save the marriage.

Your spouse has let you know in clear terms what extactly is expected from you.

However you shuld also prepare your defense if false cases/complaints  are initiated. 

If you wish you can try with intervention of elders of the family, nuetral well wishers.........and try to save the marriage.........

 

Adv Radhika Mehta (Advocate)     22 August 2017

Living seperately from in-laws' is not guaranteed to make your marriage a success, that is only and only if you are convinced your wife is at fault.  If you give in to this demand of your wife, it is quite possible that her misbehaviour will only increase. You mentioned that you would want to save your marriage.  I would like to understand from you whether the same is only because of your daughter or whether the same is arising out of genuine love for ur wife? If it is only for your daughter, then i would advise you that there are other legal options. If it is out of love for your wife, then under those circumstances, live seperately with your wife and give your marriage a second shot. 

However, while you come to some decision regarding the fate of your marriage, do not neglect your daughter. Go to meet her, transfer some money in your wife's account towards your daughter's maintenance.  Trust me, this will help you later.  If you do not, there is a possibility that you may be cut off from your daughter and may lose her.  


(Guest)

Nothing new, if "wife influenced by her mother and relatives." That usually happen in the life of almost every girl at the beginning of her married life. But besides maintaining some restrainsts, you are required to instil confidence and mutual trust in the mind of your wife, if you want peaceful married life for the future.

Law can only mediate between you and your wife, may be for some agreement or disagreement of views of both. In my views, nothing gainful can be achieved if you adopt legal route of action, as actions and reactions are equal and opposite.

Anyway, best of luck.



 


(Guest)
Originally posted by : JIGYASU
Nothing new, if "wife influenced by her mother and relatives." That usually happen in the life of almost every girl at the beginning of her married life. But besides maintaining some restrainsts, you are required to instil confidence and mutual trust in the mind of your wife, if you want peaceful married life for the future.

Law can only mediate between you and your wife, may be for some agreement or disagreement of views of both. In my views, nothing gainful can be achieved if you adopt legal route of action, as actions and reactions are equal and opposite.

Anyway, best of luck.
 

 

Nicely explained by Mr. Jigyasu! I really like it!

 


(Guest)

Thanks for the appreciation, Mr. Dhingra.

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     22 August 2017

One should not jump to judgment and litigation until or unless irrefutable evidence is on record.

Either of the spouse must give space and time to other spouse.

In case the marriage lacks trust, respect and is made an instrument to torment, harass, fleece, abuse, and it is proved by wisdom of spouse and elders of the family, nuetral relatives that have put in sincere efforts and have done their best and have conluded that it is to end....................then it may end................either amicably rather preferably amicably..............or in court of law..........

 

Generate irrefutable evidence as it alone works in court of law.............

Kumar Doab (FIN)     22 August 2017

It has already pointed out and you should be quick to realise that there are many entities that loiter at online portals like LCI to allure and fleece unsuspecting querists..........

 

Yo need to defend yourself from such entities also..............

Sandeep Kumar (....)     23 August 2017

Thanks for your suggestions Ramesh, Kumar, Sachin, Jigyasu, Radhika.

As I had mentioned earlier, I do not want to proceed legally at any point. But I hear a lot of situations where things have gone wrong if unprepared. Since, I have not approached anyone, I had a lot of questions and didn't want to approach anyone who would bias my situation. That was the whole point of me coming to the forum. 

Regarding, evidence that is being pointed out, yes I do not have anything concrete, except for situations and conversations I have personally interacted. I will see if I can gather any of this.

I have initiated talks from our well wishers know to both of us. Hopefully, it goes well.

Thanks again.

Kumar Doab (FIN)     23 August 2017

Dear LCI Querist @ Mr. Sandeep Kumar

 

Anyone; man or woman, any gender, should not jump to dump oneself and one’s matter in courts of law, without becoming properly informed, properly supported and until one has adequate irrefutable evidence and duly examined by elders of the family, competent and experienced well wishers, a LOCAL counsel of unshakable repute and integrity specializing in concerned field of law e.g; Family matters in your case, and having successful track record.

 


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