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Harrressed Husband (Freelancer)     23 January 2016

Abusive wife, need help...

Abusive wife made life hell. Picks up quarel every now and then, calls mother and starts shouting as if she has been beaten badly, threateans of police complaint, suicide, getting me and my family arrested, etc. She has already put a false dowry case last year which ended up in mahila cell counselling. She had put my brother and sisters names in her dowry complaint along with parents name. From last 6-8 months for some petty quarrels she visited police station 3-4 times for making some or other complaints. I used to get calls from police station but I never picked so got spared of further action. She can pick up quarrel and reach police station for such a petty thing as not buying shampoo for her or taking her to hotel.

I stay on 1st floor with wife and father mother on groundfloor. Mother is bed ridden. Father and myself take care of mother. Wife does not like me doing home duties and helping out parents. She demanded separate cooking for her and myself. This is big thing but to avoide further fights we agreed. My borther and sisters are married and living in different cities and busy in their life. Sometimes in a year they visit our place for 2-3 days hardly. They hardly talk with or about her, fighting is far away but she just can't tolerate when they come. 

Whenever fighting she thinks I am recording her actions, though I try to but I don't do it always. Last time she threw both my mobiles doubting recording her when she was fighting and calling her mother. One mobile got damaged and not repairable. She does such things but I always keep my mouth shut as things may go beyond control if resist her. I am a freelance software developer and have lost peace of mind and unable to work and facing immence financial crisis. Lost all good clients and big money in incomplete projects because of all this. EMIs are getting bounced but wife thinks I am telling lie. She earns but demands money from me which if I sometime do not pay then again fights. She visits her mother's place 4-5 days in a week. About 10 days ago she asked me money to buy birthday gift for her brother so I gave her. It was also her birthday last week but I did not gave her any gift or took her out as I was severly ill. After 2 days my brother came and I went to pick him from station she started fighting as how I got fit now and going out to pick him. I was quit and did not responded her as I did not wanted any drama in front of brother. The next day she again picked up fight. This time I could not hold myself and just said "firse pagalpan ka jhatka aaya kya". These words and she was like burning with revenge. She called her mother and said I am fighting with her and whether she should call 100 to get me arrested. Her mother told to go to police station and complain instead of calling 100. Yelling and shouting she went to police station that I will get everybody arrested. I switched off mobile but later on got sms alert for missed call from police station number. Nothing happend after that. Since that incidence on this Sunday she is at her mother's place. 

Sorry for the long story but I wanted all the respected experts to get hold of my situation. Now I will ask my questions - 

1. I want to rent out a home leaving parents home as its very dangerous to keep her in this premisis. She was not ready to move out from here earlier also as her lawyer suggested but can I move out in her absence to the rented home? Can she takes any action for this? 

2. Its too much now and I have came to conclusion that it is not possible to live with her so what steps should I follow to proceed for divorce? 

3. Like many other harressed husbands I too fear that she might do anything when she gets divorce notice to take revenge. What should I do to protect me and my family?

 

All the above questions our laywer can answer but he is telling things in parts or sometimes says something and sometimes says some other thing. So respected experts please help and guid me in this situation.



Learning

 10 Replies

Harrressed Husband (Freelancer)     23 January 2016

BTW I am married since 2 years and don't have any kids. 

I noticed after posting query here I am feeling so relaxed, feeling light realesed from stress.

Thank you all!


(Guest)

immediately file divorce petition on the ground of mental cruelty to husband. state all these facts.

 

she might take revenge on getting divorce notice, so first apply for anticipatory bail for all your parents, brothers and yourself and then file divorce.

 

our laws are gender biased so i don't know how much i can protect you.

Harrressed Husband (Freelancer)     23 January 2016

Panchyat is not possible. Once her relatives came and made a big drama. We had to call 100 to save ourselves. Earlier I tried to talk to her mother and brother but they just don't believe me. 

You rightly said there may be some mental disorder with her which I guess can be cured by consultants but she won't go for that. 

I want to give it a last chance and protect my parents too thats why I want to go out from parents home. Please tell as to how should I proceed with shifting home. She is still with her parents. Can I silently shift home and inform her afterwards. She does not want to move from this home as her lawyer suggested so she may make false complaints after knowing that I shifted. 

 

Harrressed Husband (Freelancer)     23 January 2016

Perfect reply from you Renuka Madam. Thank you so much. I can't express how better I am feeling with your answers. I will make arrangements to shift soon. Will inform what happened next.

Dr Katta Venkata Rama Krishna (Retd Sr Director Govt of India/ Advocate)     23 January 2016

 

1) In the presence of your family elders/ experienced senior citizen friends from ur side, including their parents, no efforts appear to have been done which do once again.

 

2) U can then inform in all of their presence, u r even ready to take a separate house away from ur parents and stay with ur wife.  Shift to independent house, instead of secret, better just inform her whether she cooperates or not but whatever fuss she wants will do before or after.

 

3) If she does not turn up to the new house, then u can think of RCR.  In the event of her not complying RCR but prefers to stay at her parental house away from u, its a good ground for divorce.

 

 

kumar B Kumar (service)     23 January 2016

I am also facing same problem as you. My wife also filled a fake dowry case on me. Now case is in closing state in mediation center on 7 january she takes case back. 15 January onward again she is shouting for reopen the case. And saying give me all money in my hand. Her brother came at my rented home. I shifted my home by the order of mediation center. She wants to live with me in sperated home. So i did. Now her brother gave me a three options. 1) give 25 lakh 2) give 10 lakh +(20000 × 72 month) 3) ready for case. Now he gave me a time till tuesday. Even my wife also demanding money from me. I am planning to file a divoce case from delhi. I want to face a trail. I also have her brother audio recording in my mobile. My wife drama @ night like thrown all the valuable items. So @ this situation my old case can open again. Or they filled a again new case.

kumar B Kumar (service)     23 January 2016

I am also facing same problem as you. My wife also filled a fake dowry case on me. Now case is in closing state in mediation center on 7 january she takes case back. 15 January onward again she is shouting for reopen the case. And saying give me all money in my hand. Her brother came at my rented home. I shifted my home by the order of mediation center. She wants to live with me in sperated home. So i did. Now her brother gave me a three options. 1) give 25 lakh 2) give 10 lakh +(20000 × 72 month) 3) ready for case. Now he gave me a time till tuesday. Even my wife also demanding money from me. I am planning to file a divoce case from delhi. I want to face a trail. I also have her brother audio recording in my mobile. My wife drama @ night like thrown all the valuable items. So @ this situation my old case can open again. Or they filled a again new case.

Aashish George (lawyer)     24 January 2016

I am sorry to hear about your experience brother, kindly setup hidden cameras, record everything and hope for a break, then file for divorce and hope for the best. Evidence to support your claim will help.

Harrressed Husband (Freelancer)     24 January 2016

Dear Kumar, Its really difficult on our part to face such situations. Living with such wife is like going to border without any arms. Day to day there is fear of some bullet from enemy hitting you. 

If we had enough money at our disposal, we would immediately get rid of the person distroying our life. About other option of facing cases, I guess people like you and me are bit subdued and thats why we are scared of going to police station, jail, court. We also think of our wife's condition going through all these. Somewhere in our heart we do have a softcorner for her instead of her giving us lots of trouble. I think we need to come out of all these emotions because in long run we will have a better life, at least not so worst like the current one. 

So somehow we have to overcome our fears. The best thing we have done is shared our problems on this platform. There are these great people guiding us and boosting our confidence. Now we are loosing things but some day we will come out as winners.

Installing hidden cameras at home is not always possible but better option is to have an android mobile and install spy camera apps on it. 

 

Harrressed Husband (Freelancer)     24 January 2016

@ Renuka Madam, "arrested once" means what? Do they put in jail for few days or the arrest is on papers only or what exactly? Can the arrest be avoided by bribing or some legal way?


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