I am writing this on behalf of my friend who wants to remain anonymous & seek advice from you all. This is her story in her own words.
We went to the United States immediately after marriage and were settled there for almost a decade. It all started when my father in law started messaging my husband and convincing him to return to India. He said that there was a lot of property and everything was available here and they were getting old and needed him to be there. My brother in law although being in the US did not care much for them, and focussed on his own family. Even though I was not willing to return as we were well settled and kids were also being taken care of, he forced me to return to India along with our two children.
We came back to Bangalore and lived along with his parents. Within two months since our return, my father in law created a problem and managed to pack me and the children off to my parent’s house. At that time, My father was in the middle of construction of the house and was going thru tough times. But still he took the three of us into his house and cared for us for ten months without absolutely any financial help from my husband.
By then My husband moved to Chennai and his parents followed soon afterwards. He again convinced me to join him in Chennai and made us relocate from my father’s house in Bangalore to Chennai. After about a year’s time, we moved into our new house. I got a job and started working while kids were at school. I had told him that we should have a separate place to stay, in such a way that his parents can be at ease and we can manage our house hold. That never happened. Even when the construction of the house was going on, his parents never let me share in anything, He never discussed anything with me, and kept me out of any venture he did. They did not inform me about the house warming ceremony for the house also. I used to feel very lonely and left out. Many, many times, I talked to him and asked him to talk to me and share some of his time with me and the kids, but it never happened. His parents never let him do anything for us. They never let him have food with us, watch TV with us, take us out anywhere, or do anything with us. They kept tabs on his every move and action, and he also blended well with their actions, listening to and obeying everything they said. In spite of explaining the situation to him, he never could get it in his head. It seemed like as if he is under some kind of spell. As he would listen to whatever they say, without even thinking, and not even care about what I say. Things continued like this, as time kept going by. I kept going to work and kids were at school.
Then all of a sudden he started a training academy for IAS and IPS. Even this he did without informing me about anything. He invested all our savings and money on the training institute. He even quit his job to take care of the institute. But seven months down the line, the training academy did not pick up and the monthly EMI’s for the home loan started kicking in. The time and expense the academy was taking was more than what he had. Once the new school year started he had to pay for the school admission fees, books and uniforms for the children. These expenses he made me to pay for. Subsequently, I lost my job, and even then he started forcing me to pay for the children’s school expenses. He has until now, never paid even a penny for me, or spent any time with me, or taken me out anywhere. And I was not in a position to help him with money. This his parents used against me, and they started poisoning his mind saying that I am not supporting him in time of need. I took care of all my expenses, and the children’s expenses.
Since I was not in a job, my mother offered to help us with some money. This he took in the wrong sense and from then, his hatred and anger to wards me has increased. To add to this, his parents take every tiny opportunity they get to instigate him against me.
I could never talk to him as Whenever I asked him anything he would scream and yell at me,. This his parents would listen to and the moment I left for work, they would keep telling him nasty and false things about me. On the next day, I always found that I had an upset stomack or severe acidity. I found out the reason that everytime we had a fight or argument, they would add, calcium deposits, (Chunam) or some tablets in my coffee which used to give me severe stomack problems. On one such occasion, I showed My husband the peices of calcium in my coffee and he immediately went and told them that I thought that they were poisoning my food. This made them get very angry and from then on they have stopped providing food or water for me. They don’t want me to even cook my own food in the house kitchen. For all my food needs, I have to live on outside food or fruits or bread. With my stomach problem, I cannot eat hotel food on a regular basis.
My husband has not got a job yet. He wants to travel to the US. His parents are convincing him to send us out of the house and only then leave for the US. Now it is the middle of the academic year, and I am also going to work. He wants me to quit my job, remove the kids from school here in Chennai and move to Bangalore. I am supposed to go there and find my own accommodation, put the kids in a school and live on my own in Bangalore, while he will be here in Chennai with his parents. And when he gets the right job in the US, he will move to the US and then after settling down, will call us to join him in the US. We have waited all these years for him to settle down and for us to return to the US, but it never seemed to happen.
I have told him that the four of us can move out and stay in a separate house. I can quit my job and stay at home and take care of the kids. Then he can move to the US if he gets a job. I don’t think it is a good idea for me to quit my job, when he also is yet to find a job. He still does not seem to understand me, and has his own misconceptions. He is totally in the control of his parents and they maneuver his every move. My husband does not seem to think on his own and he discusses every tiny detail with his parents. Information which is private to be shared between husband and wife also he discusses with them.
It is going to be a month now since they have given me food. I am managing living on snacks and bread and fruit for my food, and sometimes, when my stomach pains I skip meals and drink only water. It is embarrassing when I am at work, as all the other female colleagues bring lunch from home while I have to make up a story about my lunch everyday.
The three of them are forcing me to take my kids and move out of the house. I feel his parents are forcing him to send us out of here, and he being in their control is blindly following whatever they say.
All these months I never disturbed him or asked him about his job or interviews he attended. I never asked him to help me in anything. I tried to keep him updated on whatever the children are doing and if there were anything we needed to do for the kids. Occasionally I used to ask him to spend some time for me. He never complied for any of my requests, but instead he hates me more and more.
Please advise what action she should take.
