Dear Sir,
This is a very unique case. I am still very much confused so as what should be my step now.
To begin with I got married 15 yrs ego, Within year or so there were family conflicts between my wife and my father.
My father is very stubborn person; very self-centered/selfish man one can write book on him, he is person with high caliber of spoken skill, no one can just beat him in argument , but it doesn’t take long for person, within few meetings to judge his character. Only because of his nature he neither has any friends nor relatives with whom he is in good terms.
On other hand my mother is very sensible but in front of my father she is lame. She pretends to be very respectful but on other hand she keeps complaining about him and very much un happy about their relationship.
My wife who is post graduate in Child &family welfare is very straight forward women, from middle class family background, with dream to have separate/independent life with husband, and time permitting do some job also, but then again because of nature of my job I preferred to have joint family.
Days /months..Years passed now we are proud parents of two children…but what I thought things will become better with time, but no, they were just not working. I can say she was being tortured /humiliated every now and then, although she kept giving it back. Now her giving back was not been liked by any of my family members. They were targeting her.. it was something to do with jealousy. Before marriage my bank accounts were operated by my father, The first offensive attack I felt was when I opened new joint account with my wife. At age of 48 yrs my father has taken retirement and then after did nothing then to enjoy his pension on himself and bought farm on his name etc etc. I was never concerned so as to what he is doing with his money (Pension/retirement fund etc). It was never required by me as I was earning good.
After marriage 6~7 years we were staying as joint family. Since I work on ships it was part of my requirement that we stay as joint family although days were night mare during that period also. After long sailing period my leave period was also not at peace. My wife is bit loud and clear spoken; she also has given back when time came, and because she was from social welfare back ground she was very much reluctant to take any bullsh*t especially from my father. Who actually behaves like a dictator?
In 2003-04 I constructed new house and every one of us shifted to new house, I thought now since it’s my own house my fathers dominance on me and my wife will reduce but it never happened. Now the frequency of fight between my father and my wife become more frequent. She use to keep crying and grumbling in front of me when I use to come back from sailing. I could never some up with courage to tell my father that he must change his behavior, but other hand kept telling my wife, that its okay adjusts kar lo. When I use to be at sea, after heated argument with my father, she use to go to my in- laws place. My father use go to her parents and relatives and kept complaining about her nature, and use to abuse her and her parents, in front of other relative, he use to cook up stories and her relatives, my relatives started to believe him, our relation with relatives/friends slowly started spoiling, he was projected her as vamp and me as useless fellow who in turn doesn’t break relationship with her. Children’s were growing I was becoming more attached to them, but as family matters were not improving, although I was the elder and running/bearing all the household expenses, my father other than dominance did nothing. He boost openly to all that this house is his, and he has spent money during construction. I have taken things light thinking let my father feel proud, were as fact he has not spent anything nor I have asked him, also it was not required at that period as I was earning.
Well few years back my mother wanted to visit my younger brothers house (In Bangalore). It was made clear by my wife that my father also should go along with my mother, as she will not be able stay along with him. My father had a fight on issue how can she refuse to take care of him. Any ways my parents went to Bangalore after few days giving some reasons he wanted come back home. Since he and my wife are not getting along my mother, brother and sister everyone told him that he must stay in our old house, he agreed and latter when he came to Pune , he straight away came to my house where my wife and children were staying. They had big fight both abused each other and my father went back to our old house.
When my mother came back both my parents started to leave in our old house, I use to visit but every time my father use to insult me saying I backed up my wife and chased him out, eventually I stopped seeing them for year or so later when my father was sick and was undergoing operation I visited him. Few more months passed and they were staying separate in our old house.
Last about year back or so my father had heart attack, after his treatment I thought he must be depressed and after this kind of illness he might be calm and would have taken some lesson from it and there could be some positive changes in his nature, so after discharge from hospital I bought him to my house. Just after few days of his recovery same quarreling started, my wife was also reacting very fast It was like both were not tolerating each other. In between my mother use to become sandwich, my efforts were in vain. I didn’t wanted my mother to suffer more, towards my father my relation and response was just simple, for me it was more of kartavvya then love or respect. He also kept leaving as if he was staying in guest house, Nil responsibility or help in any household work.
Few days back same situation came up …”same …my mother wanted to visit my younger brothers house (In Bangalore)…….. It was made clear by my wife that my father also should go along with my mother, as she will not be able stay along with him……Any ways my parents went to Bangalore after few days giving some reasons he came back home and since it was agreed that even if wants to stay in Pune he will stay in our old house ,but when he came to my home where my wife and children were staying. She asked him what is his program he said he is going to stay here if you are not comfortable then you leave, same evening my wife left house with children (to my in laws house) next day she went for kids summer came for three days, when she came back ,house was locked she thought my father must have left. After two days he came back again, again they had fight they had big fight both abused each other and this time my father dialed no.100 & called police, he lodged complaint against my wife that she had abused and throwing him out of house. He also filed a false complainant that her mother also abused along with her daughter which is totally false statement.
My wife along with children and in laws went to police and requested after couple of days I am expected to be back on leave and she will give her statement that time, police agreed. When I came back we went to police station were without asking any more clarification they issued warning letter to my wife and my mother-in-law. By then I guessed police also could sense the situation and they told my father to sought out the matter, but my father kept arguing that he doesn’t want anything but to stay together, if one has to leave house is my wife. I said now nothing doing you both can’t stay together, other than that whatever solution you have or as suggested by police or senior member of society I am ready to abide.
But my father kept saying he is not going to spare us and make us suffer. He still keeps visiting police station and wants to take up the case.
Now I am so tense and can’t think what should be my action because one side is my wife and children and other side are my parents. I don’t want to harm them. My In laws are keeping quite because of me.
Now what should be my action in order to avoid any further harassment/embracement. What should I do to prevent any further complication?
Best Regards..
