How to get a peaceful divorce?

Dear Advocate,

On the first place, i have posted a query in this site to get more opinions from advocates.  Because i myself felt that all advocates are trying to use the law to help their clients to achieve their goal,  But they hardly discuss the procedures with their clients.  Goal can be concentrated on, but the path also has to be right, isn't? And does it mean that indian law does not support justice??

For example, in my case i had lived separated since 2007, but because he used to meet his kids once in three months, it is acting against me.  Is there no clause to file for a divorce based on 'incompatibility' when the spouse is not willing for MCD??  On my part, I can prove that i have been financially independant during this period.

My appreciation again standing firm and right. Absolutely no class for incompatibility.

Since you initiated separation, desertion is not ground

and also even after a year by when you stay alone 7 years, the whereabout of the person should be unknown to claim marriage as dead, but in your case he frequently meets your kid, so cannot be availed.

May be can you check some good lawyer for legal separation, there must be some ground as you stayed 6 years alone, did you check any such possibilty. I will find out for you from my close circles.

Missing Tajobs here, where are you sir?

My appreciation again standing firm and right. Absolutely no class for incompatibility.

Since you initiated separation, desertion is not ground

and also even after a year by when you stay alone 7 years, the whereabout of the person should be unknown to claim marriage as dead, but in your case he frequently meets your kid, so cannot be availed.

May be can you check some good lawyer for legal separation, there must be some ground as you stayed 6 years alone, did you check any such possibilty. I will find out for you from my close circles.

Missing Tajobs here, where are you sir?

Originally posted by : HK_Jain...
	How cheap Advocate Mr. Rajarshi.

Well said sir...

Dont want to file cases, roam to courts, if thats the intention, and if you are able to promise yourself that your attitude will stay that way, then, I could tell this.

There is no legal binding that one has to do this or do that, as law would suggest to husband and wife or the society at large.

Many a couple dont live together for a lifetime  due to unspoken differences and they dont have any issues staying away.

That seems to be the case here with your husband who comes and visits the kid.

Let it be that way, unless you want to get remarried, I really dont see your wish to get remarried, so what's the point in applying for divorce?

Some things are meant to be that  way, and they stay that way, wont ever change and I have seen many couples who stay apart.

Thankyou Helping Hand,

I had been doing that for the last 6 years already.  Would continue to do so, if i have no other choice.

But as a human, i too dont want to live my life before i die!!!

If i meet a person, whom i can trust and love, i will surely re-marry.

After feeling this, i asked for a mutual divorce.  But he is not willing to give MCD.  His mother also suffered the same kind of situation as mine, but she remained as such, and finally at old age, when her husband (FIL) came back, she accepted him back.  I think my Ex also expects the same from me.  But i can do that.  I hate him enough not to accept him anytime anymore.

So looking for a divorce.  But what i see is ... Indian laws do not favour a peaceful divorce.

I think i have to make up my mind to face the miseries ... if i have to get a divorce!!!

Correction:

But as a human, i too want to live my life before i die!!!

Originally posted by : Nithya
	Thankyou Helping Hand, I had been doing that for the last 6 years already.  Would continue to do so, if i have no other choice. But as a human, i too dont want to live my life before i die!!! If i meet a person, whom i can trust and love, i will surely re-marry. After feeling this, i asked for a mutual divorce.  But he is not willing to give MCD.  His mother also suffered the same kind of situation as mine, but she remained as such, and finally at old age, when her husband (FIL) came back, she accepted him back.  I think my Ex also expects the same from me.  But i can do that.  I hate him enough not to accept him anytime anymore. So looking for a divorce.  But what i see is ... Indian laws do not favour a peaceful divorce. I think i have to make up my mind to face the miseries ... if i have to get a divorce!!!

As our friend Mani here said in the previous pages..

Thankyou Helping Hand,

I have almost made up my mind to face anything now. Earlier, even though i decided to live separated, i did not concentrate on the divorce part, as i had changes in career, then kids' education, financial stability, etc.

Of late, Had been talking to lawyers.  As usual they are asking be to file on grounds of 'cruelty', 'infidelity' etc. for which i have to prove, or atleast keep answering everything at court. I am getting prepared for that too.

I have been asking advocates about 'Irretrievable Breakdown of Marriage', in which i will not need to explain everything, but not yet got a satisfied reply, i think its still not in force.

Just waiting to find the right advocate!!!

If only 25% of Indian women took common-sense decisions rather than being influenced by corrupt lawyers,then Indian men won`t be driven to the wall by the system and enmity for life won`t be created between individuals and families.

In my experience of reading lots of cases on the online journals,if the Indian woman wants divorce,the judges generally tend to favour them and even if they don`t,if there`s a long separation between the two parties 6 to 7years),then the High Court has started to give divorce on the basis that after this long separation,irretrievable breakdown of marriage has taken place and it is cruelty to as the parties for such a marriage to subsist but you may not get much alimony from the Courts.Whereas if you negotiate MCD with your husband you may get reasonable alimony.Check out latest judgements from Madras High Court available on Court website.

@Nithya

Nobody knows when the bill on irretrievable breakdown of marriage will be passed.

From your mail, it is understood that you want divorce and your husband does not. You don't have proofs of his adultery/cruelty. You started living alone with kids. He is meeting kids regularly. By doing this, he is portraying that he is a responsible and caring man.

You should hire a detective to collect evidences of his adultery etc. or clear your suscipcions.  Then you should decide whether to go ahead with divorce or not.

If you decide to go ahead with divorce then the best method is to involve a mediator (relatives ) or by filing a divorce case in court and taking the case to mediation centre. This method may or may not succeed but it should be tried.

Thankyou Red.  Will go through the judgements. I am not looking for any alimony as i have been able to provide for me and my kids since last 6 years. I am just looking for a divorce.

Thankyou Gopal Arora, for your response.

Regarding proofs, i still dont know whether it would be right to hire a detective and proceed collecting evidences.  He had been pretty much open on his closeness with other females, will my statements not be enough? If i try to collect evidences and prove it in court, will it not affect the females?, i am not sure whether he will marry anyone.

Let alone the 'adultery' part, will my statements be enough for the 'mental cruelty'?  I have not had any physical injury.  But he is of abusive nature, which is known to many. He has openly abused me on many occasions.  But even in that case, bringing in relatives is another pain, as we both are related and have common relatives.

I am not looking for any mediation/compromise.  I have already compromised for almost 5 years even before the separation.

Originally posted by : Nithya
	Thankyou Helping Hand, I have almost made up my mind to face anything now. Earlier, even though i decided to live separated, i did not concentrate on the divorce part, as i had changes in career, then kids' education, financial stability, etc. Of late, Had been talking to lawyers.  As usual they are asking be to file on grounds of 'cruelty', 'infidelity' etc. for which i have to prove, or atleast keep answering everything at court. I am getting prepared for that too. I have been asking advocates about 'Irretrievable Breakdown of Marriage', in which i will not need to explain everything, but not yet got a satisfied reply, i think its still not in force. Just waiting to find the right advocate!!!

Be firm, think, rather deep, think about kid, what they will feel about your decision, they should be talked to and taken into consideration before such a move.  There will be trouble, and for the kid too, so you should make them aware as to forthcomings.

Almost, wont work here.

Once you take the step, there is no turning back.  Indeciveness wont get you anything, but trouble.

I just wish you good.

If there are any problems wrt your divorce proceedings, I would be more than happy to guide you, as to how to get divorce from a husband who is not willing to let you go.

Thankyou Helping Hand,

'Almost' i meant was not on the decision.  But on the procedure.  I dont want to do anything that takes a wrong path to reach the destination.  I want to be right, and still succeed.  But i am not sure how the laws are going to favour me.

Just have got into the surface of it, will know about it once the procedure starts.  Have heard that contested divorce takes a longer time for judgement. Well, have to face.

'If there are any problems wrt your divorce proceedings, I would be more than happy to guide you, as to how to get divorce from a husband who is not willing to let you go.'

Is it really possible to do it??? If so, i would really need that guidance.  But again, am not for the methods like filing false cases, etc.  Thanking you in advance.

@Nithya

Some specifc comments to what you wrote

Regarding proofs, i still dont know whether it would be right to hire a detective and proceed collecting evidences.

Court needs evidences or eye witnesses to confirm the allegations on accused.

 He had been pretty much open on his closeness with other females, will my statements not be enough?

If he openly claims his assocation with females, then why not record his voice to produce it in court? Does he claim adultery or just friendship?

If i try to collect evidences and prove it in court, will it not affect the females?, i am not sure whether he will marry anyone.

Once you have proofs, your husband will come forward for out of court settlement to avoid conviction. How will it affect those females? They have to decide whether they are doing it right or wrong and should know the implications of their action. You have to prove adultery of husband only. If you make any allegations without proofs then then it can go against you.

@Helping Hand !

If there are any problems wrt your divorce proceedings, I would be more than happy to guide you, as to how to get divorce from a husband who is not willing to let you go.

Please PM me your method of getting divorce. My wife is not willing to give divorce.