Giving money to parents after marriage

I could not agree with you more.  You are the absolute owner of the salary, which you are earning and after paying for your maintenance to your husband and on the remaining part of the salary, you can do whatever you like, as per law.  Similarly, you are the absolute owner of Stridhan, which was given to you by your parents and/or inlaws at the time of marriage.  Your inlaws have no right to lay their hands on those articles.  It is also ignominous position you have been put to go to market to get the gold weighed.  It is also insulting after you took 11 lacs for your brother-in-law they are not allowing you to part petty amount to your mother as a matter of gratitude or affection that naturally arose in your heart for what she had done to you till date.  All they are doing is wrong and illegal.  DESPITE THAT I WOULD NOT SUGGEST YOU TO TAKE REMEDIAL STEP BY FILING A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE AGAINST YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.  The reason behind this is that you still love your husband and you rightly believe that he is a good person.  A new cute little member is knocking at your door to lighten up your life.  At this stage, you should not think of law, lawyers, courts and litigations.  Another reason why you should not approach the court is that once you take the assistance of law, your husband totally will turn against you and side with his mother and it will ruin your married life and no harm will be caused to your mother-in-law and her ego will be satisfied.  Your view point in respect of the rights of married woman, are originated from fundamental and legal rights by treating a woman, a living human being with fine sensitives.  Quite contrary, your husband and in-laws view point in respect of the rights of married woman, are originated from traditions, where a married woman is an object brought in the matrimonial house to get services out of her and to get s*xual pleasure by husband and to produce children, who would be means of production in the coming days.  Now, spend your remaining pregnancy period without having any mental and physical tension and let yourself go with the flow without raising an issue.  After baby's delivery, gradually try to make your husband understand your view point.  It is a long process.  Because centuries of abominable socalled traditional values are imbued in his thoughts.  Go slow, try hard and after giving two to three years, if your husband is still obstinate and cannot understand your emotional feelings, then start to take legal action.  One thing make sure - do not leave your job whatever pressures you get.  That is the only way you can tide over this crisis.  Warm regards.

1. try to keep away and take as last resort to solve your problem from legal system

2. its not that you can solve the problem through legally but once you go through this process then for any another step you do not have a chance to persude personally or any elder person but to approach legally again for every issue

3. at this time you need complete rest and also no tensions and also you have ample time to change your husband and think about taking rest

4. on each and every pretext try to contact your husband and make him your companion and helping hand to resolve the issues if not yourself without any stress because a new world is entering into your married life and you and your husband has to take care about his future happy 

give some time as you will be taking rest for some time so give some time to come to their terms may be your mother in law may change after a new kid comes to their home 

and if not then any how you have lot of options to approach legally finally but not first 

Thank you all for your valuable guidance. We thought to sort out this issue with elder's presence. It's been agreed that i pay 10000 to my MIL every month and remaining i save it for my baby.However my MIL was happy with that she asked my entire my salary. I just kept quiet for a while. I am blessed with a baby girl now.  But things got worse in my family now. After my delivery my MIL and husband was there with me for two days and when i am back to my mom's house, my husband did not come to visit me or my daughter, he did not even call just to enquire about my daughter. All the medical expenses of my daughter has been taken care by me, including delivery. Before delivery my husband and me decided that i'll resign the job and take care of my daughter for an year, my husband will settle my personal loan of 3 lacks which i gave for building the house. Since he was not responding to my calls, i just dropped him a message whn i resigned my job and asked him to take care of the emi. he did not respond either. i waited for one month. then i searched for another job and joined there last month(my daughter was 5 month old). once they knew that i am going to work now, my husband and my SIL came to my mom's house and asked me to come. I went to my husband's home unconditionally. for one month everything was fine, my MIL and husband seemed really cared towards me and my daughter eventhough they did not keep in touch with for the past 3 months. Trouble started during last month end when my husband started asking for my salary. I said since i am already paying emi of 10500 rs. I will save my rest of the money for my daughter. But they could not accept this, and on 4th July , my husband started to beat me due to my MIL influence. My MIL locked up the doors and window in my room while he continue to beat me. Then i called to my mom and when she came and tried to take me home, they started telling like these are husband and wife matter and happens in every home. by listening to them my mom left me in my husband house and went off. I was in my room with my baby. After 30 mins my SIL came and started banging the room door. i opened the after sometime, she just rushed into my room and started to squeeze my neck right away, i struggled for sometime to take her hands off me, but she started to beat me contiunously telling that why i did not i give my entire salary to my husband. my MIL, my husband and my co-brother no one tried to stop her. they tried to take my baby as well telling that it belong to their family, but i hold my baby strong in my arms. My MIL said that she'll get her son married to some other girl and they'll throw me out just by getting my signature. then my mom came and took me to her house. I thought to file complain against them, but one of my welwisher asked me to wait for sometime. meanwhile MIL called my brother, told that they will report on me in commissionar office if i did not return home in 3 days. We ignored it, then my husband came with my neighbour, he did not talk anything, only the neighbour called me home, I said i cant live my MIL anymore, I'm willing to live with my husband if he agreed to stay separately. but he did not agree. I dont know what to do now. still my jewels,clothes are in my husband's house only.  i am still paying the loans though the house in my husband's name. what i am left with now is only dear daughter. I really dont want a single rupee or any property from my hubby if he is going to divorce me, but i need him atleast share my daughter's medical expenses and educational expenses in future. now these are all the questions in my mind now. whether my husband can divorce me without my knowledge ? or shall i wait and see? or file complaint against my SIL but not my husband ?  or just be with my parents forever, i dont know what to do..

Valarmathy, the solution is very simple.

You should beleive your husband. Who else you are going to belive in this world?

You should beleive your husband and give all your salary to him.

That is the simple solution.

If you are not believing your husband, you should get mutual divorce and get away from him.

But you would do grave sin to your daughter as your daughter's life will tear apart due to the divorce between you and your husband,

If you love your daughter and trust your husband, give the entire salary to your husband assuming him as a Savings Bank. Nothing wrong in that.

Else hold on to your money and loose your peaceful life and put your daughter in great pain.

Money is not life.

Money can be earned any time.

Earning the trust and love your husband and daughter is utmost importance.

Please review.

Legal procedures will tear the marital life apart irrecoverably.

@ Author 

Once things are taken legally its as good as the marriage is over .

1.Your husband cannot divorce you without your consent legally . 

2. Maintenance of the child is co-extensive as per law and as both of you are working hence the two of you have to contribute towards the child .  

3. The EMI's that you are paying can be recovered by you once you prove the same in court that you have contributed for the house even though the house is in the name of your husband .

Hence think and see if the issue can be resolved .

Hi Prasad, what you said is correct. i am not trusting my husband now. That's because there are many times when i trusted him but he turned me down. i brought 11lac loan on my name and gave it to his brother, i gave money to him to settle 20k loan took by MIL. I gave money to him for my seemandham, i allowed him to claim on my medical bills, though i can myself claim it from my office. I gave money to him when my SIL's husband lost job and helped him in his new job as well. My husband does not spend unnecessarily because he has never managed his own finance.My MIL do always. till now my husband gives his salary to his mother and i never asked for it too. My MIL never explain about the family expenses to me even if i ask they turn it as a prestige issue. if i give my salary to my husband, he will give it everything to my MIL, whom i cant ask about expenses. i am willing to take risk of trusting my husband again but definitely not my MIL. She is trying to settle her another son and daughter with my money. thats why i asked him if he could agree to stay separately. my husband beat me only because my MIL provoked him, telling that i am not respecting his words, i am betraying him and most importantly he is my husband he has all the rights to beat me. not only my husband even my SIL and FIL has all the right to beat me.  this is what she said on that day. my husband stood still when his sister squeeze my neck in front of him. this behaviour of him made me feel worse. he never stood up for me when im in trouble in front of his family. the fact is he loves his mother and SIL than anyone. does he love me? i really dont know. even if they kill me, he will support them only.

Valarmathy...

If trust is lost, how do you say " thats why i asked him if he could agree to stay separately."?

Your Athai can provoke your husband wherever he is.

That is how many mothers are ill advising their married daughters as well.

So, if you have trust with your husband, then discuss with him, pursue him patiently to live alone.

But if you do not have trust, just ask him form mutual consent divorce.

But you both will be doing grave injustice to your daughter.

Your daughter needs her father as much as you.

I think you should think about your daughter's good and should talk to your husband.

If you have decided to part in any case, please use mutual consent divorce and do not bring police and court between you, your husband and your daughter.

Valarmathy... In summary, you cannot use legal procedures to save your marriage and peaceful life.

You can use lagal procedure to get divorce or break the relationship irrecoevrably.

Thanks Prasad. your words made me to rethink on this. I decide to wait for sometime. i just let the time heal everything if possible. if my husband comes and talk with me again about going back, i'll give it a try. but if he comes up with a decision of divorce, then i'll give it up. there is no point in continuing after that.

Certainly Valarmathy. Time is one of the best healing mechanism.

Then there is one more healing mechanism. Your smile.

If possible, Smile genuinely and lovingly at your Athai for she gave you your husband.

It does not take any effort or money to smile.

It is possible. Even you can start with slightly less genuine smile then improve on it.

You develop an understanding and relationship with your Athai.

Even you should not allow your husband to come between you and your Athai.

I assure you. Your Athai does not hate you. She loves your husband more than you. That's all.

That will change. Make your Athai busy with your daughter.

I wish you all the best Valarmathy.

Personally, as I can feel the pain that you, your husband and your daughter going through, I pray to god that you all have very happy and pleasant life very soon.

Very very soon.

Good times are very near to you. Smiles please.

You cannot see tears in my eyes as the only thing I am trying to do now-a-days is stop the break in a marriage unless your husband has become completely bad and unmanageable.

Our marriage system is the most wonderful in the whole world.

Let us save it for the future generation.

Gift your daughter, her father. 

You wouldn't know how much your husband misses his daughter.

@Valarmathy - Sorry for what you are going through. Really at this time you should be well taken care because a Women goes through lot of hormonal changes after a baby's birth. 

And there is always Post Partum depression. I pray to God for your wellbeing and your daughter's life.

Physical abuse is not at all acceptable at any time. 

This family is very dangerous. Looks they are more into money.

Please be careful with this Mommas boy. A word spoken can't be taken back. 

And Life without a Spouse is also miserable.

If you would have posted the same in a Women's forum. The following would be the advice.

1. File the domestic violence case and put them into jail.

2. Continue your job, develop your self esteem, self confidence. 

3. Stand up and be bold and courageous and live for your daughter life.

Originally posted by : SuperHero
	@Valarmathy - If you would have posted the same in a Women's forum. The following would be the advice. 1. File the domestic violence case and put them into jail. 2. Continue your job, develop your self esteem, self confidence.  3. Stand up and be bold and courageous and live for your daughter life.

@ Superhero 

For DV prior to any order being passed there is no jail term once the order is violated than u/s 31 of the act there is a jail term .

Leave aside Womens forum here it self on this forum if the posts are browsed our women centric lawyers advise file DV , 498 A.When there are so many options to settle the matter peacefully or rather to end the same .