Seeking help

Broken_down (IT) 15 June 2009

Hi arathi

I suggest you repost the content of attachment which would get you more responses and advice.

As for my advise:

You made a mistake right in the beginning by agreeing to marry even after seeing your husbands "immature" ways during engagement. Marriage is a commitment of a life time. You yourself have shown immaturity. It is a very common problem today - people are too casual and yet get frustrated easily. It has happened in my case also (which has many similarities).

What you need to do next depends on what is buried in your mind. Forget about all that has happened so far - suppose you could rewind everything to just before you married - given sufficient amount of time, could you really love that man? By love, I do not mean just physical love, but genuine concern and attachment, willingness to change, sacrifice and more. If you really can not at any cost, then you should not bother going ahead. Start the process of seperation / divorce. Its the rest of your and his life at stake. Dont repeat the same mistake of focussing on your parents or his parents who are not the ones responsible for the rest of your life now.

If you feel there is some hope, and if he feels the same way, go and visist a good marriage counsellor. Dont expect results in even the first 10 sessions. And during counselling session, at home both of you should behave like friends sharing a room at first. Forgive everything no matter who was at fault and forget. Start afresh.

Be courageous and strong eitherway. Good luck.

1 Like

Raman ( ) 15 June 2009

Hello Arathi,

I read your story ... would simply tell you this:

First ask yourself "am I ready for divorce and what are the consequences? "
Try staying away from him for couple of months and see if that works or improves the relationship between you folks ... If it doesn't then ....
If the story what you presented here is true, then prove that he is not mantally/physically fit ...
Go for divorce ..

FYI - Either of you don't waste time on silly things in life. Focus on your career ...

regards

1 Like

Kiran Kumar (Lawyer) 15 June 2009

all such acts on the part of ur husband amount to curelty.

divorce can be done on the ground of cruelty, but u ll ve to proove the cruelty with cogent and sufficient evidence.

ur husband does not seem to be mentally fit, try to consult some local lawyer or get one from this website to help u out......

1 Like

arathi (manager) 16 June 2009

Hi,

Thanks for the suggestions rendered. I am staying away from my husband since Nov 2008. There is not even an iota of change that i can see. Its getting worse day by day. The moment I start the topic of divorce, he starts crying. He has got the landline disconnected and changed his mobile number too. He hasnt bothereed to share the number. I wonder what is he upto? I just want to avoid the humiliating situation of standing in the witness box and answering. It would rather be a much bigger mental irritation than just a matter of divorce. He still thinks that i would get back to him. But, the matter of fact is that we do not mentally match each other and he no where suffices the reson for me having him in my life. Life would just move the other way round. I wanted a man matured enough and who could take care of me, a man whose decisions i could rely upon in my life. But, I am able to understand that he cannot match my expectations. I cannot dictate anyone in life and lead typical 'Joru ka gulam' kind of life. When we do not match mentally, i do not wish to continue relation and later on look for a mental support from some other guy. As my husband is not accepting for divorce, can i get an ex -parte decree? What are the chances for it and how long would it take. I am almost sure that he would not respond to the notices.