Confused what my wife wants

Yes what Adv. Sroff says, I agree. Utpala, please refrain from advising unnecessarily. Person is distress needs help not tonts or torments. If you donot understand the gravity of the subject, please keep off. Request to others too. 

Dear Advocates,

Pardon me if this is immature of me to post this question in this forum, but as a law student I am curious to know that:-

In such cases can you advise people to file a petition for restitution of conjugal rights which may give the couple a little time to understand each other as this time of saperation may have brought some changes in both and may make things work out this time around

@ Adv.Vandana Vaidya

Thanks for your advice.Expect the same concern of yours for all distrssed people irrespective of gender.

Shroff ji .... i think you have misunderstood my previous msg .... i dont wanna break anything but trying to help my mate to assess his situation himself so that he is not suffering at the end of the day !!  Well i slightly disagree to philosophy of being an emotional fool and living a so called winning life in the eyes of society. I simply support equality and balanced relationships based on ethics and not on Pressure Tactics . I hope you will understand ....well actually its summers on this side of the globe from whrere i am writin this msg :-) .... Cheers !!! 

@ Hemant Sharma

I tried to summarize the situation in the following 7 points.

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1. Marriage duration - 3 years 3 months.

2. Double income family.

3. ***********Minor female child , age 17 months.***************

4. Four months after the delivery, wife files FIR against husband. ( Post partum, is known to peak around 3 months after delivery and can last for years after the delivery - https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007215.htm )

5. Aprox Four months+  after delivery, police arrives at home. Mother separates daughter from father. Father attempts at making peace thro family, friends and that further triggers more police complaints.

6. Wife alleges that husband misued community credit/debit cards. Husband has taken loan on wifes name. 

7. Husband summoned by law.Wife doesnt appear to have taken any steps for divorce but does not want husband to send any third party to her for any matrimonial discussion. 

8. Husband not keen on separating or divorce. Husband has taken a proactive step and appointed counsellor.

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Hemant,

The above situation may not appear like a situation where you need to get lawyers involved, however given the pattern of erratic behaviour  and her permeable nature where she appears to be under a strong influence of her parents or other forces, it may be in your interest to "open a file" with a lawyer and log all "significant activities". You dont need to move the court but the fact  that you apointed counsul and apprised the counsel may work in your benefit later, should the situation so develop.

There seems to a financial situation entwined and that needs to be addressed . The in-laws may not like your plans with the loan on their daughters name. They may not be getting benefitted by your plans. Why did you take a loan  the loan,how big an amount are we talking about ?   Why did you take the loan on your wifes name and why not yours ? 

That she could not keep her job for more than 6 months is moot - She is the mother of your 17 month old child and you should do whatever to keep the mother and wife happy which you are doing. Husband and wife are a team and in a team you give and take help.

Dont separate the child or the mother. If she needs a break and want to go to her parents, then help her get a break. She may be stressed with the responsibilities of the child, cooking, cleaning. Some women start hating themselves after the damage the baby does to their body - boobs hanging, big belly, stretch marks, lack of sleep and what not - it is part of life and it is quite possible there is more to it than what meets the eye. 

In summary, here are four pointers from me:

1. Get a clinical psychologist. ( you have done this. Their notes are valid in court)

2. Get a lawyer and open a file( log all significant incidents. ) 

3. Address the finances - credit cards, debit cards,and loans. Communicate to the inlaws that you are going to get this addressed on warfooting.

4. Address her stressors - get a baby sitter, aayah , cook, etc to relieve her day to day stress. Dont send your friends/neighbors to her. 

You need to address the root cause of her erratic behaviour and indecisiveness. What is her age and education level ? You have made some mistakes which you may not be cognizant of, or dont want to admit or not disclosing on the forum. That there are some issues with the other party is obvious but there is something about you that is triggerring her. You should attempt to find that root cause in between all this. 

@adam:

There are certain clarifications:

1. Marriage duration - 3 years 3 months.

------4 Years 3 months.

2. Double income family.

3. ***********Minor female child , age 17 months.***************

4. Four months after the delivery, wife files FIR against husband. ( Post partum, is known to peak around 3 months after delivery and can last for years after the delivery - https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007215.htm )

-------------No FIR has been filled till date...only an application with the complaint in it and that to not after 4 months of delivery. it was 17 months after delivery.

5. Aprox Four months+  after delivery, police arrives at home. Mother separates daughter from father. Father attempts at making peace thro family, friends and that further triggers more police complaints.

------again after 17 months of delivery.

6. Wife alleges that husband misued community credit/debit cards. Husband has taken loan on wifes name. 

7. Husband summoned by law.Wife doesnt appear to have taken any steps for divorce but does not want husband to send any third party to her for any matrimonial discussion. 

8. Husband not keen on separating or divorce. Husband has taken a proactive step and appointed counsellor.

@ account deleted and mikey,

get a treatment.You too look sick.Adam/Sam have you changed your name?

@Hemant Sharma

{ Filtering out the noise }

Since the legal machinery has not been triggered from her end and your intention is to keep the family together, it is possible that this is a passin phase.

From your posts, it appears that whenever you send someone to her as your messenger or rep, she is reacting and revolting. Try not to use any third party unless they are someone the wife accepts.

Post partum may not be easily discernable. In US, we ( new Dads) go thro classes on pregnency and child birth and post partum is a topic that is covered. Some of the men do detect it early on and discuss it. I had a similar situation as yours and my solution was to bring my inlaws to US to comfort her and it worked. 

Be patient.You should open up the whole matter to a counsellor - it may protect you should matters go southbound. 

Did you address the loan/credit card issue - perhaps the brain washing from the inlaws is around thes finances. 

RCA is top priority ( RCA = Root Cause Analysis. ) My take of the situation 1. Post Partum 2. Fianance related. 

The load/card issue is still on hold. I have managed to make the bank people understand and wait for the 8th of feb as that is when I will get to meet my wife in front of the counsellor. What I plan to propose is that if she is willing to reconcile, as usual, I will take care of all the expenses and if required, I will give that in writing. 

However, till the time she refuses, I will not pay of as her credit card was always used to pay of certain utility bills and I believe that she was also utilizing the house and the household utilities for quite some time. For example, she was earning not more that 15K a month, however, was using the air conditioning 24x7 and the bill alone used to cost me close to 12K a month. Similarly there was a period of 8 months during pregnancy when I use to drop her to office every day and pick her up every night even though my office wasnt nearby and I had to stretch for close to 3 hours everyday to meet her office timings.

This is for the financial part, let's see how well does the counsellor do as I am open for any type of counselling, however, she may not be...and I will definitely want her back as long as she is willing to cooperate and understand her responsibilities towards the family.

1. If your intention is to stay with her, try to work out the differences with the lady during counselling.

2. You can opt for marriage counselling as well.

3. All other issues are petty, they can be resolved once you decide what you want out of this marriage.

Regards,

Shnee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

@Shonee Kapoor:

Have sent you an email regarding the same. Awaiting your reply eagerly.

@ Hemant

Thanks for the feedback. Shonee already knows your case, a good candidate to represent you amongst others. As I suggested in one of my prior posts, it may help if you retain a advocate and "open a file". 

My best

Mrs Ranee, Still there are lot of women who is just following the  wrong advise of her parents as i am also a victim of one such.

regards

R Kannan