Matter of Life or Death (URGENT),
Pls spare 5-10 mins to read this and give your valuable suggestion :
SUICIDE, DIVORCE, DOWRY, DEATH
PART A:
· My wife had a troubled childhood, wherein her parents discriminated her. Her mother never use to love her.
· Both the parents always favored her brother because they always wanted a male child, she was always made feel worthless and good for nothing.
· Her parents were not happy with each other only, but due to societal pressures were caring on. They always use to taunt her that because of her, the parents have to spend money. (not because they don’t have it but because she is a girl child.)
· Her brother use to beat her, slap her, scratch her skin by nails but parents use to saying nothing to him but if she revolted and beat her brother, her mother use to scream at her and even beat her.
· She was not allowed to even talk with her friends. No phone calls, no outings, no parties, no extra time for hanging out after the college.
· She started doing things according to her only and stopped listening to her parents. She never trusted anybody.
· She had spend many nights eating only 4 rupee Parle G biscuit and many times only the half of the packet for sake of filling the stomach and save her parents money so that they do not taunt her for the money spend by them.
· She also cut her hand for 4-5 times before marriage but her parents reaction was normal, applying cream and bandages.
· She started believing only in god and thought that she is God’s daughter and lucky that inspite of all these hurdles, she use to excel and achieve her target in studies.
· She developed a lot of inferiority complex, feeling of worthlessness, no motive to live, too sensitive, insecure about money because of her troubled childhood.
PART B:
· I met her and heard all her stories, got very much emotional and started caring for her and decided that I will keep her happy, I will give her all the love and care which she was deprived off.
· She always said she had a troubled childhood and never had a family and always craved for one. We started carrying on.
· I use to care for her a lot, many a times use to bring breakfast from my home for her when she use to go for her work, picked and dropped her for her exams, paid her exam fees, sat for 3 hours for exams (twice) outside the exam centre leaving everything aside, use to give her money, recharge her cell phone, gave her some money for buying cell phone when I use earn less, paid her college fees (which her parents were reluctant to pay after we got engaged), use to go once in every 2-3 days to her building to motivate her, etc……..
· Her mother came to know about us one day. She asked me directly about the relationship and I dint denied as I always wanted to keep her happy and so agreed for the marriage also.
· Both the families agreed for the marriage (with no demand for dowry) although girl’s father dint full heartedly consented as his ego wasn’t satisfied as the groom wasn’t suggested by him.
· She dint wanted to marry so early because wanted complete her studies first but her parents forced her for the marriage and they themselves wanted to get rid off her, that’s what even the girl quotes today.
· She visited my house and was very happy with my family.
· Her parents use to again taunt her that because of her they will have to spend for the marriage expenses and even forced her for court marriage but then finally they married her off with a proper marriage due to societal pressures.
(We carried on around for 8 months, courtship period 7 months, post marriage 10months till date)
PART C:
· The girl after coming to my home started saying that the home is not comfortable, the home is not like a home its very dusty, she doesn’t likes dust. She started saying that it was for her now comfort matters more than love.
· Although deeply hurted, I still use to make her comfortable by whatever things i can do.
· Her almost 3yrs of college of post graduation was still left after marriage and her timings to college are from 7:30 am to 5.30 pm (Still 2 years left as on today.)
· I use to tell her to help my mother in some or the other way at home if not in preparations of food then atleast in serving, so that she is involved with the family and even the other family members will feel happy.
· But she started saying me that not to pressurize her or give her stress for getting involved in the family and use to bluntly refuse for the same.
· She limits herself to our room, & does not interacts with my family much, only to the extent to show me when I am present.
· Her father in law (my dad) also use to make her understand that there are some responsibilities which a married woman has. And she use to cry and say that she was never taught this and use to each & every time say I will do it, I try to interact with family members.
· Her parents started showing love to her, and she went blind in that love and forgot everything about the past what they did because she was getting the love which she always craved for. Her father’s intention still was not good behind this love as he wanted to control her mind and wanted to prove her wrong, in taking the decision to marry me as it was not with full hearted consent of her father.
· If my clothes are hanging or are on bed she will not fold them & keep in cupboard saying that you also don’t do mine.
· One day there was a kind of family function, she dint contributed for the preparations for the function and said she was having body ache and rested the whole morning and wanted me to be fulltime next to her (which she always wanted whenever does not feels good, which is not always possible), I made tea for her and talked with her little and went to other room for preparation on computer for scriptt writing for hosting the program. In afternoon she said that she wants to go her mother’s house (which is just 10mins away from my house) because mother was not feeling well since 2-3days (she could have gone later also but she dint) . Without my consent and inspite saying no by me as she herself wasn’t feeling well, she went to her mother’s house and came back in 2-3 hrs which was almost my time to leave for the pre-checking of all the things for the function. She joined after 2 hrs with my mother, we dint interacted much and I went to stage to host the program & was there at the stage till the end. The next day she attempted suicide by eating 10 pills and was luckily saved.
PART D
· After the incident, she resided at her mother’s house for 2 months and we use to meet outside. Inspite of knowing all the past about her, during a family discussion her father alleged us that we forced her for dowry, we harassed her, its because of us she is in depression, nothing prevailed during pre-marriage.
· She is now living with me at my home, I took her to marriage counselor (around 8-10 sessions over last 3.5 months), two psychiatrists but there has been very less improvement in her. She is not ready to take any medication because it gives her head ache.
· Even her psychological test shows that she is having a major depression.
· Now a days whenever any argument happens, I have to bend down on that, if I disagree, express my feelings she says that I don’t care for her, don’t love her, she threatens me that she will again give her life. It seems with me that I am living at a gun point wherein any major disagreement and she might take any step and I, alongwith my family will be behind the bars.
· She is not interacting with my family members and not at all talking to my father, only communicates when he asks her anything (he has become just like her enemy because he advised her during our internal family discussion when I use to be present, her father has termed me as “Silent Spectator” in her mind because I use to be quiet when my mother or father use to advise her.)
· I feel quite depressed that inspite of doing so many things, still she is still not understanding.
· I am trying my best till its possible from my end.
· Kindly give your suggestion
· I am afraid that if in case she takes any such step, how will I protect my self and my family? Her father will again allege us for harassing her and forced her for dowry.
· Kindly suggest according to you how can I protect myself, by taking videos of her acts, will it act as evidence? Or what should I take in writing from her? Any affidavit which can be obtained from her with signature (remote possibility)? Or should I go for divorce but if Yes then on what grounds?
· I even think many times in adverse situations to take a divorce from her but then if I will ask the same from her there is a possibility that she might commit suicide and again I will be in trouble.
· The above information is not known to public and is still confidential.
· OPTIONS available with me which comes to my mind:
1. Tell others about the situation I am facing to prove myself for any future allegations and then go for divorce.
2. Tell others about the situation I am facing to prove myself for any future allegations and then go for making her understand about the reality of life in a more appropriate manner without bending.
3. Live in a separate house with her but no surety that she will change because at present she is not much concerned about what I wear, eat.
4. Go abroad for 2 years till the time her studies complete but still there is no surety of improvement and don’t want to leave my family.
