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muble123#   08 September 2015

What should i do

I am a female from kochi (Kerala) . I have been married (Love marriage under special marriage act) to a guy from Ranchi (Jharkand).The marriage was on 30th March 2013. My husband is working with a reputed bank in Kerala ( From date of marriage till today).He didn't tell about the marriage to his family (He have his mother and 2 sisters who are married). But i had already informed my parents and to avoid a social embarrassment they told the marriage is to be declared public through a function and only after that you can live with him. We said ok and the function was held on 27th April 2013 @ kochi. Even due to my repeated telling he didnot inform his relatives. Then after a month (This one month we where staying at my home) that is by the end of June 2013 his relatives came to know about the same and his mother fell ill. Then he returned to this place and came down with his mother to kochi by mid of May 2013.

Then he told and convinced me that he and his mother will stay at a different house which is just 5 min walk from mine and I can move in once his mother is convinced.Then he told to wait for 6 months by which he will convince his mother. But it didn't happened instead they (his relatives) started brainwashing. Again he came and convinced me to stay away.During all this stays he used to visit my home everyday and in few a week he used to stay 2-3 days(All this was know to his mother and relatives).But then things started to strain between us as I said he was being brain washed and at my home my parents and relatives started questioning me on all this (Hope you understand the social taboo). Then after 1.6 years of marriage I decided to forcefully enter his house but this created few sceans but at the end I started living there. Then after 2-3 days he told that he will take his mother to his place and then will come back and we will go for cancelling and we will repair the marriage. This again I believed and moved to my home. But then he his mother didnot go or stay and she came back. Then again I was not allowed to get in which even called the police (called by his neibhour) to open the door at 9:30pm. But then i didnot file any case. from then we where living together in to different rooms. After this when I felt he was going to file and individual divorce I suggested to go for mutual in the belief that he will change his mind during the 6 months time. I signed with an verbal agreement to live together happily for this 6 months (3rd August 2015 was the date given from the court ) . 6 months went happily and then I went and rejected the mutual. Mean while my husband shifted the house (with me) near his office (We where staying in rented house). And on 16th August 2015 morning he told he is going to temple with his mother and left home. Without seeing him return when I called at 5pm he told he is going to his place(Jharkand).Then after a week he messaged me to vacate the house and go. There was not much luggage for them so I didn't notice them packing.Then he returned after 2 weeks and stared staying in a gents hostel and he have blocked my number so I cannot call him but used to message him daily.

 

I still fell that the marriage will work if he adjust a bit and I am really ready to adjust. Please let me know what to do. Your suggestion on filing a Restitution of conjucal rights. If filling then which address should I put for him.



Learning

 5 Replies

I walk alone (Asst Manager)     08 September 2015

Hi Friend..

First of all, I'm really feeling proud of you, inspite of all the turn-arounds by your husband, you are feeling that the marriage will work. I really appreciate you for it. I hardly have seen this kind of conviction in today's Females. It truly shows your love & trust for him & some female of our society must learn a lesson from you.

To answer you query, I'd suggest, before filing the case of RCR, take a train to Ranchi and go to a hotel, you must know his address right? Pay a visit like a visitor. It will create the panic within him and he might get into screaming and yelling. Now, you need to strategically take him out of his house and sit and understand what he actually wants. I mean, is he looking for moving out of marriage or he wants to continue.

If he looking for moving out of marriage, there is nothing much you can do, cuz I'm sure you're matured enough to understand that one-sided relationship wont get you anything, you both can go for MCD. move on in life. But if he loves you a single % also, he will tell some stories (which might or might not be true) about his family preferences etc. Suggest him that, you can adjust (as you already said) as per his family likes and dislikes, if then also it does not work out, come back & file RCR and you should write down the entire incident in your petition and mention about his wrong decisions to which he asked you.

I'm sure the differences between you both will get re-solved soon..!

All the best..!!

Born Fighter (xxx)     08 September 2015

Muble123,

 

  1. It was a love marriage. His parents were against and you managed to convince yours. So both of you knew there was a problem from boys parents side. This was a redflag but both got married.  You pay the PRICE for the CHOICE made
  2. I can see both of you tried to handle the situation somehow, but could not and differences cropped between you both. Your husband could not handle his mother and you simultaneously.
  3. Now the most important disaster --- 1) calling police 2) filing Mutual consent divorce assuming something. Madam, when you threaten a husband with police /divorce and then do it then he will start unwinding from the relation. And thats what has happened. You cant win someones love and attention by threatening !!!!!!!
  4. Your husband could not handle the situation properly and failed to maintain peace ............but you ask yourself if he was disloyal /  had an affair elsewhere / was drunken moron / hitting you / dumped you ???????.

 

It was a difficult situation where things could have got better if both had maintained PATIENCE. Its a fact parents take time to accept Love marriages.

 

 

The damage is already done and im sure his parents would take advantage of the situation and could have asked him to leave you as you took them to task by filing a police complaint. Now dont do anything again by force by bumping into the hotel and creating a scene. Call him and ask for a peaceful meeting and discuss about your relation and see what he is upto and then take steps.

 

My advice if its not working go for the same MCD that you were planning for. Do not go legal again and destroy the love that you once had for your husband. !!!!

 

Prashant Mayekar   08 September 2015

If suit is dismissed on technical ground and said order is confirm by high court  in that case whether principle of res-judicate isapplicable.


(Guest)

Admire your positive attitude regarding failing mariage.

 

Nothing bigger than conscience, that being absent in your man, nothing much can be done, and rest all legal procedures will stay legal procedures and nothing more than that.

 

In past years he has been like this, ie unfaithful, in coming years he will remain faithful?  No gaurantee.  Such men cannot be trusted with life of a person. 

 

Girl, you better forget this entire ordeal and look for someone else by remarrying after taking divorce from this person.  

 

There are lot of good men who have been cheated by women who are looking for women like you and genuinely will give 100% love and affection if they get at least 10% of love and affection what you have shown to your own husband, time to find such a man.  Dont engulf yourself in legal battle.  Nobody will get anything from matrimonial cases.  But take heft alimony from husband before giving divorce to him, as you will need money in the future.  

 

All the best.

muble123#   09 September 2015

Hello Friends

Thanks for all the response.

I just want to clarify few things .

  • There was no police complain loged. The police was called by the neibhours. And to the police I made my point clear that I am not interested in any police complaint or stuff like that.
  • And now he is staying in a gents hostel at Kerala.

Thanks

Mithul


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