Kiran (SSE) 25 September 2013

Husband not ready to support

Hi, My friend needs help, her message is below, i have opted for the membership from the forum as she wants to be away from any one knowing who she is. please read her message below and help her with your valuable advice and suggestions....

I got married in Nov’09, ours is love marriage (inter caste), my parents were against our wedding however my in-laws supported, things went on fine, of course with few ups and downs with my husband’s family and I did face few challenges with my mother-in-law too and I did try to sort it as I wanted a smooth living with my husband. We have a little baby boy who just completed 11 months, I came to my parents house for my delivery (they accepted us 6 months post our wedding), I quit my job when I was in my 8^th month pregnancy, 3 months after my son was born my husband quit his job too stating that he would do business, I was against it as he had taken personal loans on my name and we had to re-pay the loans (up to 10 lakhs + 2.5 lakhs of jewels), however he stood by his decision.

I used to pay all the loans until I was employed, from the day I quit job my husband dint take any initiatives to pay them on regular basis, because of which I started getting calls from the bank and people from whom we took loans. In spite of requesting my husband to do justice in this matter, he ignored stating “I’ll manage not to worry”. With no options left I had to re-join my work, my son was only 4.5 months when I re-joined, from then I have been trying to cover up the loans and the back log he has left, I pay loans more than what I earn, I’m left with no money by 10^th of every month. I’m depending on mom for managing my Son’s expenses. I lost my dad 2 months back so I can’t expect my mom to support me anymore, as she is her difficult times.

With all this issues I decided to speak to my in-laws on this (they knew the issue from the time I was pregnant), so that they could help me with finance to clear the loans outside and I would pay them back on a monthly basis, I dint get any support from them too. I had had few discussions with my MIL to see how they can help me as I was really helpless. Last conversation I had with my MIL was on 23^rd Aug’13, when I asking her on how would I come out of all this issues, only thing she mentioned was to leave her son, she said if your finding to so difficult with him why don’t you leave him and lead a life of your own, I was taken a back with her words. I wanted to sort things not end my relationship with them as my son belongs to that family and he needs their love & affection.

My husband is also not ready to accept the fact I’m in this situation b'coz of him, it’s almost a month that he has come to see me and the baby. A week back my husband has got all my belongings to my mom’s place.

I have documents for the loans we have opted from bank, but for the loans which we took as hand loans. Receipts of jewels worth 2.5 lakhs.

I’m really in a difficult situation, and I’m holding back to taken any extreme steps, as I want to prove myself successful and strong and also I have a little baby and Mom to take care off. I don’t want any property or money from my husband’s side all I need is he has to clear the loans and set me free from this hell.

Please suggest what can I do to solve my issues.

(Note: Financially & Politically he has strong back up, I’m afraid he can harm my family using his influence – please suggest on this as well)

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2 Replies

Samir N (General Queries) (Business) 25 September 2013

I will use the pronoun "you," only for convenience.

Forget about political backup and strong backup. If he is unable to pay 12.5 lakhs loan in this day-and-age, I do not think he or your in-laws could be that influential. Try to get to the core of the problem: Is it because he has chickened out from loan pressure or is there something else behind his decision? You really need to answer this question properly without deceiving yourself. You say that you want to free yourself from this "hell." What is this hell that you are referring to. It all appears to be only a financial problem, at least the way you have described it. Is your husband abusive in any other way? Is he having any extra-marital affair? If it is only a financial dispute, then may be you should try to take a different approach. Perhaps thinking along the lines of reconciliation would help. Some men who do not come from business background can crumble easily when their business collapses which in turn disorients their moral compass. Have you tried to work with him patiently? Did you two try to put together a joint-plan to repay your debts? A practical plan based upon the two of you pursuing a job, for example? If a realistic plan is put in place, the marriage can be salvaged even now.

You need to think of your baby. Second marriage is not going to be an easy option with a baby around. Repaying 12.5 lakhs would not be difficult, if your "friend" can write English as well as "you" do -:) Certainly its not worth breaking a marriage.

You are in the early stages of matrimonial discord. Only think of repairing the relationship. Forget about your ego. You appear to be a sensible, family-caring woman and therefore I am responding to your post. Go to your husband, his friends, in-laws, etc. Seek their help, NOT to complain but to see if they can patch up your relationship. Do not wash your dirty linen in public, proverbially speaking of course. That will cause more damage to the matrimonial ties.

YOU PROBABLY CAME TO THIS FORUM FOR LEGAL ADVICE. BUT DO NOT TAKE ANY STEPS AT THIS TIME LIKE SENDING LEGAL NOTICES NO MATTER WHO GIVES YOU THAT ADVISE. ONCE YOU START A LEGAL PROCEEDING, YOUR MARRIAGE WOULD BE IRRETRIEVABLY BROKEN. Thats my two cents brotherly advise.

(Guest)

1. Your case is of Breach of trust that he had done to you,Now it depend's on you whether you want to solve amicably or through court.

2. Taking Loan on your name and then stopped payment ,it show's the ill mentality of him. Here the contract between bank and you is valid you can't go back without paying.

3. As suggested above The breach of trust and forgery done by your husband makes your marital life in diffent ball game.

4. If you think by applying any law will give you relief then proceed further but again the chances of your marital life to run smoothly will be hampered with such cases.

5. As per your statement you wish to join your husband but he and his family is making the plan to escape.

6. If you are working lady,self conquered and full of dignity as you have also mentioned in the last para of your query then boldly confere this issue with your husband as what he want and why the hell he is doing? If not agreed then ask him to proceed for MCD by paying all the depbts.

6. A relation when not handled by two person's....i.e husband and wife and where the entry of third party like relatives,parents,lawyers,police,judge comes then think all is over,you have to declare your dead marriage.

7. In both situation you will loose something.........1) if you will file cases on him you will loose mariatl life (2)If not filed cases then also you will loose your hard earned money through Loan payment against your will..

8. So,in this toto situation make yourself as what you want from life,what will be better cause of action further.

9. My concern is that when he was going for loan then without your concerned how could he will sanction loan on your name?

10. Involve your relatives and older people to solve this matter prior to any litigation legaly.

regards.