Please guide

Originally posted by : prakashmehra
	I am a divorcee and have just mother at home. Have younger sister too but she is married. We are looking for proposals for my second marriage and since I had a bad experience earlier, would like you expert advice on the below facts: 1. I am staying on rent and it is the pre-condition from most of the bride's family to have our own home before going for marriage. So thought of purchasing a builder floor. 2. I have taken a personal loan and gifted it to my sister. Rest she has taken an home loan to purchase a property. The property is not in my name however will be used by me after my marriage. The rental payments will be used by my sister to disburse her loan. Though I am positive in restarting my life however still have fear due to biased laws. In the above light, please advise: Appreciate your expert guidance.

hello Prakash Mehra, 

There have been so very good movies which you have directed, Amitabh Bachchan swears by your name even today :-))

 Look, as you have so many fears about above getting married again, you better not get married.  99% success of marriage depends on how your approach towards marriage is, as you think that you will have problems in second marriage too, you will surely have more problems in second marriage than what you had in first marriage.  

Getting married is like searching black cat in dark room, you may get it or you may not get it, if you get it it may scratch you, bite you, all depends on your fate.  With preconcieved notions like this, its better that you stay single, go for adoption, you will give life to a kid, think of being of service to mankind, than to serve just one woman.

1. In case if the things don't go well, will my future wife demand any residential rights in a property that is in my sister's name.

Then ghoomo court, agle 7-8 years.  And if your fate is doomed, your wife will file criminal cases on you, as if one was not enough you will roam to court coz of second marriage, and will never sleep peacefully and also let any of your family members be peaceful especially age old parents.  Warrant issue, NBW, going absconding all this will happen.  Again pay fees to lawyer.  Go stand in court hall doors as if you are watchman.  But wherever you are sister house or mother house of father house or friend house, wherever you are wife can get residential rights u/s 19, 23 of PWDVA 2005, and you cannot do anything about it.  It will be legal entry with police protection.

2. Since I have taken a personal loan before my marriage, will my EMIs be considered before awarding any maintenance order?

income minus expenses = take home income on which 1/3rd will be calculated as maintenance.  

Only way to avoid problems with wife is:  Adjust with her.  Come what may, dont let things go haywire.  At all times tell OKAY, OKAY and act according to wishes of wife and her parents.  Thats the best way out for everybody, your wife wont complain, your inlaws wont complain, and eventually your parents will also be happy, you will have married life.  Stop expecting a wife who will be like your mom, today's girls will revolt, will question, will make their own rules, look at you, you wear pant, look around, girls also wear pant, so its time for man to wear frock, that time has come.  So you better think deeply before taking decision of getting married again.  Only if you can handle wife, marry, or else dont marry.  

If you are planning to enter into a marriage with such trepidation and concerns, then your marriage will most likely head towards another divorce. If you find the need to take such drastic steps to protect your assets or income, then you ought not get into a marriage in the first place. You will make life hell for your wife and she will reciprocate in kind making it miserable for you to communicate with her. The entire relationship will be based upon a lack of trust.

It is a better choice to remain a bachelor and accept the pros and cons of the choice until you meet someone special who makes you think beyond material things. If you don't meet someone special, stay single. The second time around, stay away from arranged marriages. Marry with suspicion in the background and hell will display itself in all forms - for both of you. 

First of all be positive. Already your thoughts/predictions are in future.

Just some thoughts –

Write a prenuptial agreement again shows lack of trust.

First write down what are you expecting from her?

Get a thorough back ground check. See what she is expecting and move on.

Wish you Good Luck!!!

Many thanks to Helping Hand!, Samir N and SuperHero :-)

It is not that I am negative but want to move with a precautionary approach. The risk is there whether it is first, second or third marriage.

Getting married with a divorcee who has already scooped her previous family, it is not comfortable for me to trust anyone easily and it will be very difficult to know her past. And decisions cannot be made solely on her past. We do have different emotions for different persons. Trust will take it's own time.

I have not taken even a single penny in my previous marriage but when things gone wrong, there were lot of false allegations and a long list of articles which were never given. Though the matter was sorted mutually and we amicably had taken the divorce however it left scars.

I am ok with giving my 100% but as earlier mentioned I feel very bad when a girl wants to marry salary packages and properties. What she has contributed in acquiring all this? I only can feel how much I have contributed to be here where I am.That's why want to park my hard earned money for the sake of securing my widow mother financially. Life is uncertain and there is no one except me for my mother. After marriage whatever I will be having will be for my future wife. This time I want to have a court marriage, where it should be clearly mentioned on the affidavits that no dowry was demanded/exchanged and there was no streedhan that she will be bringing.

@ Helping Hand! - When you say that she can residential rights wherever I will stay. It is my duty and responsibility to provide her the shelter however how can court attach third party's property.

Also when you say the maintenance will be income minus expenses. Will my EMI will be considered as expense? Actually I am earning 60000/- and my EMI will be 20000/-. 

Please show some light on the above facts.

Many thanks in advance !!

@Azam Shaikh - Please open a new post. Every one has there own problems.

Hi sir this is not the right place to post ? 

Sorry dear by mistake i have post here 

Thanks

My query got hidden due to some confusion :(

Please do not ignore and enlighten me.

Originally posted by : prakashmehra
	Many thanks to Helping Hand!, Samir N and SuperHero :-) @ Helping Hand! - When you say that she can residential rights wherever I will stay. It is my duty and responsibility to provide her the shelter however how can court attach third party's property. Also when you say the maintenance will be income minus expenses. Will my EMI will be considered as expense? Actually I am earning 60000/- and my EMI will be 20000/-.  Please show some light on the above facts. Many thanks in advance !!

Yes, as if 498a was not enough, its the gift to all married men in India from the great Sonia Gandhi who got the PWDVA passed in 2005, the Act u/s 23 gives power to the magistrate to pass exparte orders without listening to the husbands story, if the wife has asked for residential rights u/s 19 of the act, the court has powers to order police to  drop your lovely wife wherever you are living, and you cannot escape from such an order,  if you fail to comply with such order, warrant will be issued and if you run away NBW will be issued, if caught no bail until the magistrate agrees to give bail and let you out.  That’s about PWDVA 2005.  Moreover, it’s a proved rule that wife need to be where the husband resides.

Now expenses means, all expenses like insurance, medical bills, EMIs of house, not car can be shown as expenses and 60000 – 20000 = 40000/1*3 = 13 k approximately. 

Now stop thinking all that, what if it happens like this, like that.  If you want to get married, risk is definitely involved, there are many ways to get out of problem easily even if matters again go legal way, so keep your mind open for the best and prepare for the worst, that’s the only way to survive a bad marriage.

For the optimist I am, I always wish good to people who want to get re-married, life itself needs a second/third/fourth shot….  Until you are alive, you should fight.  Don’t worry, this time around your life will be good, you will get good wife who will be understanding.  Wishing you good.  In case if something goes wrong keep in touch with me.

@ Helping Hand – Thanks for your valuable reply. If the court issues a NBW or Wife wants residential rights.

Then shouldn’t Wife also go with husband to the jail to claim the residential rights, claim alimony or maintenance such as breaking stones or working inside the jail.

What do you say? J

@Prakashmehra – Wakeup Friend why do you worry and fear all the time.

Be strong and have courage, go and meet your to be wife.

Get married, have kids. Be Happy, Happy all the time.

Your fears are unnecessary, there is no such rule that the wife can claim a share in the husband's property during his life time, she is entitled for residential rights in the house where he is residing.   Mater of fact, you have not even finalised a girl to ring in to your life as a partner, how did you guess that she will be  quarrelsome like the previous one? You appear to be worried about two things which do not exist rather you are groping in the dark.  Better shed your fears and have a positive approach for a new beginning.