Torture after marriage

1. Since 2006 Hon’ble SC guidelines, Registration of Marriage is made compulsory and many State’s have Amended their Death and Birth Registers accordingly.

2. However, if marriage is performed as per Personal laws of parties and there is no denial of marriage then this marriage is a valid marriage. Your side can file a case and there will not be any hindrance if parties donot deny marriage. 

3. Try sending SC guidelines to boy’s family via common reference to make them understand that Marriage Registration is compulsory since 2006 otherwise penalty – fine is to be paid and if they are accepting your sister as their Daughter in Law then what is harm in fulfilling Government directive – formality?

4. For rejuvenation of health, mind and soul your side may with consent of his family recall your sister for few days to her natal home and respectfully see her off to her matrimonial family as and when required. 

5. Do not insist too much on Registration of Marriage if para 2 stands true. 
6. Thinking on lines of teaching husband – his family a lesson, many married females youthful lives have been destroyed tied to Court corridors on her advisory circles advice(s). Make an informed decision or think deep before embarking on ‘teaching a lesson’ psychosis. Instead nurture this young marriage with a mature adult mind support to both parties.

BTW, have you - your family seen Airtel's recent  TV advertisement on wife juggling office and home? Is it a stereotyping women or a progressive advertisement - can you reply one question? 

Dear Concern,

At the onset, thanks for your information and guidance. I would like to put forward a bit details to get get more facts from you. We did not have any problem with the relation as it is very fresh and such petty issues do occur. But convey your thoughts on the following points. 1. In a high tech city like Bangalore, the boy expects the girl to comply all the rituals as done in village.

2. She has to change her attire, every now and then for doing kitchen works and then coming out of washrooms.

3. There is always a demand for talking to the in lawas at least 3 times a day failure to which ...big issues were created.

4.The quarrel turns worse and the groom party often indulges in conveying false allegation to our relatives to make them against us.When confronted for the same...they firmly denies. this did not happen single time but quite a number of times in this few periods.

5. We have tried to make the couple understand...even given them the freedom to led their own life...but such things when heard could not be kept unanswered.

6. The boy even at such times does not give her the money to buy the daily needs, which she purchases on regular basis...as he doesn't have the time often.

7. We know,,this is a lifetime relation...but adjustment is highly required...the boy gets too adament at times insisting to talk only with in laws and avoid parents completely..

8. Even though the boy knows that the leave of School is little ...he books ticket well 15 days in advance before the actual holiday begins.

9. On days of quarrel...he comes home taking food from outside...while many a times due to lack of food materials on such days she slept without food. We provide her the money when learned.

10. All such things has been going on for sometime..for which she has developed very indifferent attitude..We can bring her and keep with us for some time...but we are really concerned now that will they take her back or not as they keep on speaking about their sons Remarriage.

 

Pls Guide us the measure...if they forcefully wants to send her back to us, as registration is not done , can the boy go for remarriage again....if things get worst,,will we be in trouble for separation...as they had firmly denied towards getting registration done.

 

Your sister got married to a Narcissitic Family. The parents of the boy are Narcissits and the Boy is a codependent.

You should read more about this personality disorder which may run in families.

https://samvak.tripod.com/faq22.html

https://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=2005693

It is better to end this relation before a child is brought into the relation.

victims of narcisstic abuse usually experience lot of emotional pain. I have seen a friend of mine go through such an experience and it had tore my heart. So please be there for your sister. Love your sister. She needs you now.

If second replier to your post’s reply is put on test then it also means in recent marriages, 50% wife’s have BPD and rest 50% are Bipolar!

Be it so as concluded, here are legal takes for maintaining status quo;

1. In a high tech city like Bangalore, the boy expects the girl to comply all the rituals as done in village.

Take: It suggest the boy - family are orthodox religious minded people living in a urban city yet following customs - traditions - rituals which today urban people feel shy to follow. Your sister is urban breed thus she feels left out not able to follow customs - traditions - rituals why blame boy – his family?

 

2. She has to change her attire, every now and then for doing kitchen works and then coming out of washrooms.

Take: A working wife is supposed to change dress; night dress changes into work dress when she goes to work at a reputed school and when she comes back from work changes into formals. is it not even what you do if you juggle work and home? How boy - his family is made responsible on her three times dress changes?

 

3. There is always a demand for talking to the in lawas at least 3 times a day failure to which ...big issues were created.

Take: It is called communication in a joint family. She can talk to family after walkign up till breakfast before leaving for school work - job, she can easily communicate to family after coming back from work and so she can even communicate while cooking (helping) family dinner that accounts for 3 times talk as complained by her to you. I donot see big deal in such communication. Even if you are working for a job you might be talking accordingly to your family members including your wife who is from another family, donot you?

4. The quarrel turns worse and the groom party often indulges in conveying false allegation to our relatives to make them against us. When confronted for the same...they firmly denies. this did not happen single time but quite a number of times in this few periods.

Take: Why snoop and check with your relatives who are in Bangalore for every things - issues that are happening in her marital home? Leave her alone she is grown up not baby that she needs to be checked up by her relatives in same city for your feedback who is living 4000 Kms. away. Small issue becomes BIG like mountain when passed on word of mouth by a third person whose interest is somewhere else. You believe your relatives but call boy - his family demons how come?

 

5. We have tried to make the couple understand...even given them the freedom to led their own life...but such things when heard could not be kept unanswered.

Take: Why poke - mentor newly weds with your wisdom every time, they are not kids not your sister is a minor. Why try hearing as in hourly report every time from relatives in Bangalore as how your sister - her husband - his family is doing to your sister? If you are so concerned seek divorce for her and get her re-married to some other boy who is living opposite to your flat or may be who willingly stays back in your home post her re-marriage that way you may leave her in peace. 

 

6. The boy even at such times does not give her the money to buy the daily needs, which she purchases on regular basis...as he doesn't have the time often.

Take: Is she not earning a income working in a reputed school in top notch city? Or all her income is grabbed by him - his family the moment it is credited into your sister's account? You say boy does not have time so is the reason of not giving money but that also means this is not a fit marriage where a boy and girl cannot have time for 5 minutes to open purse and give/take money for household expenses so what cohabitation as husband - wife they are doing, check this from relatives :-)

 

7. We know, this is a lifetime relation...but adjustment is highly required...the boy gets too adament at times insisting to talk only with in laws and avoid parents completely..

Take: If he living with his parents it is obvious he will talk with them more often compared to your sister's parents. Why domesticate a son in Law or why expect him to be a lap dog in guise of 'adjustments' only from him?

 

8. Even though the boy knows that the leave of School is little ...he books ticket well 15 days in advance before the actual holiday begins.

Take: Donot you book travel tickets in advance when going on holidays? What is this un-reasonable complaint you are bringing to forums knowledge. With advance booking travel tickets chances of confirmation is there in case you donot know even such travel basics. If air tickets are bought much in advance one gets discount whereas school diary contains year full of HOLIDAY dates so accordingly the boy - your sister's husband is atleast making plans for holidays in advance why control even such holidays? To find peace for your sister please next time send tickets to them when 'actual holiday begins'.

 

9. On days of quarrel...he comes home taking food from outside...while many a times due to lack of food materials on such days she slept without food. We provide her the money when learned.

Take: He brings food from outside because he guesses rightly that your sister will not cook food or due to quarrel she may not like food cooked by her mother in law and least one sleeps empty stomach he shows in advance such concerns. Your statement also shows that mostly the quarrel happens in the morning so evening when he comes back from work he brings outside food thinking what is observed before. Your sister is expressing sheer melodrama nothing else in her marital life. You should not give money at all as if for eg. tomorrow morning they quarrel and as usual since you snoop everyday upon her daily life, from local relatives of yours you come to know of their quarrel and via same local relatives you send money for food for one person or two persons or for their whole family clarify that too for forums knowledge when you say you send money? I mean this is too much interference into newly wed couples life by wife's family members.  And she takes money inspite of earning a income working in a school OR she does not even have her own money to buy food for herself one day? I cannot believe all these you are placing here for opinion.

 

10. All such things has been going on for sometime..for which she has developed very indifferent attitude..We can bring her and keep with us for some time...but we are really concerned now that will they take her back or not as they keep on speaking about their sons Remarriage.

Take: If you and your side poke too much their nose into her - matrimonial family then better prepare for your sisters divorce and her re-marriage instead of thinking he will get re-married.

Pls Guide us the measure...if they forcefully wants to send her back to us, as registration is not done , can the boy go for remarriage again....if things get worst,,will we be in trouble for separation...as they had firmly denied towards getting registration done.

Take: Again this is also too much, what due diligence you people did before your sister's marriage that means? If you are so concern of her dress change 3 times, no food, giving money, train tickets and what not then this is my second question? It is expected that even what inner garments the boy wears would be objectionable to your sister - you - local relatives one day looks like!! 

Lastly, I will share with you one so called only useful hint since all above replies of mine you should not be liking as they are not upto what you expect to hear and the hint is to know if a person is already done Registered marriage or not and the link to earlier reply to another queriest is here which you shall read now and know if he did earlier Registered marriage or not (ask your local relatives for list of SDM office in Bangalore and replace Delhi SDM list accordingly in below post);

 

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Husband-in-relationship-with-someone-107869.asp

 

Advice: Please stop interfering into your married sister's life unless she is beaten or kept chained in her bedroom and also start looking for 100% local boy as this brief is soon going to end up in S. 498a / 406 IPC, DP, r/w DV Act and further read with S. 9 HMA proceedings by you - your sister. All above takes are picked up from various Hon'ble SC Judgments in similar facts of over indulgence of wife's family members into her married life and translated in laymen's way so that you can understand and mend ways accordingly, otherwise you may stop reading further my replies.

PS:
Please donot PM further, as I feel your sister's case is that of over indulgence of her family members case worth parting company soonest possible. Reasoning:- No wonder you ignored answering Airtel advertisement question that I asked in my first reply to your post to read your rural or urban mindset.

[Last reply}

@Mr. TajobsIndia, Does Our country has any laws about how to handle and share household works when both pati patni work outside home. In the older generations Patni stayed home and did the housework and kids caring and bringing up while Pati-Dev went out and earned money and food items. But now to accomodate a decent house and education for kids both pat-patni have to work outside.

But after work patidev usually rests while patni does all the cooking, cleaning, serving, washing pots and pans, washing clothes, spreading them to dry, folding and putting the dries clothes, ironing clothes, cleaning floor, wiping floor, organizing things in kitchen and other rooms.

Actually the patidev is stronger than patni, but still he prefers to watch TV after work. Shouldn't India pass some laws that instructs the patidev to share housework at least equally in cases where both work ? I belive in this case the girl is burdened with housework and her outside work and it is affecting her health.

Making fun of women who do all the work is easy, but Sir you should at least try doing what this women does everyday by yourself. I challenge you. If you have wife and family, prepare breakfast for the whole family, prepare their lunch tiffin, then go to work, after work, come cook dinner. And perform all the things mentioned above at least for a month and then please report your mental state here. Our married women are treated like workers in chinese factory.

Now about the narcissism I mentioned above :-

•Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

•Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

•Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

•Requires excessive admiration

•Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

•Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

•Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

•Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

•Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I belive the husband and in-laws are lacking empathy, understanding about the girls workload. they are also aggressive and rude which very obvious from the descripttion of the query.

@geetha, Life is an experiment if all the 1.3 billion people of India are alike , imagine how things would be . In some family (boys side ) they would have expectations from daughter in law that she should take the legacy forward ... If we see SRK doing it in karan Johar films .... We think he is hero of masses but a normal guy who works / plans hard for his family and future he narcissist ?... Now a days doing normal house has become burden for ladies .... 90% these activities are owned by ladies in indian family ...to help them out of love and affection some times husbands do it.... My view regarding the query here is , the girl failed to impress her matrimonial house ....If she fail to adjust with her hubby and inlaws .... She has to call the marriage off..we can't ask people who have lived avg 50- 60 years in some orthodox way......that's what we call maturity in English ..... Regarding registration of marriage ...which they anyways has to do as it is now a days becoming one of the legal document . Secondly , is the girl added in their family ration card?...do it with out forcing them ...

@Mr. TajobsIndia      

Thanks once again for your in details analysis for every point I made. May Be due lack of legal perception some of my view did not come clear to you but anyways I am taking all your takes into account . With due respect to your wish, I will not PM you further, but yes ... I would like to put forward the following points again from the above discussion into the subject.

1. We are from Assam residing in a semi urban area and as such not much urban in breed. The basic customs are being diligently followed which is expected by in laws . My problem lies to forceful compliance of such duties which can be done only by housewife not a working women.

2. We have got our sister married, that surely does not mean that we should put a blind side to her. We would have never interfered if things does not turn ugly. Regarding Relatives , I have mentioned that they being there we are not concerned of the security and I must clear you that they do not poke at things but only tries to pacify the young couple in distress. 

3. I am sure you have missed my points in the first post which depicts some actions of the boy.

           * High Voice quarreling, even when , the girl without having any clue and not getting any assistance from in laws rings to her parents house...and the same can be heard on phone.

           * Acts such as trying to rub the Sindoor, breaking the sacred bangles meant as a symbol for married woman, throwing all the clothes and gifts which has been given by our parents and relatives, coming towards her in a threatening mode  and then asking to concern only her Sasural and completely forget the parental home....Its only 7 months to the marriage Sir, can you please justify these acts,, whom would the girl stick to if her real hold gets such slippery and out of hand.

4. Regarding dress change, the times you have mentioned , those are normal and mandatory  ones.....I am sorry that i could not make you understand but those I have mentioned are in addition to that.

5. The in laws..does not stay with them...they live alone....that is why we get concern more when such things occur...and we become helpless and seek help from the local relatives to come into the picture and pacify the situation. Please believe, if boys family had heard us on every matter we would have never like to bring a third party into picture...but they do not see any fault of their son...how can then we be remain aloof in such cases.

6. Regarding Holidays , planning is absolutely necessary....... but booking a ticket on 12th when the holiday is starting from 28th and is known from calender,,,it would mean leave without pay...and yes the decision is taken by him only without consulting my sister.

Regarding your question on Airtel Advertisement...I am sorry I still did not see it, and i promise that once I get to experience the viewing ..i will surely put my view in this forum for you to consider.

Thanks again for your introspection,, and the links provided for Registration query and I would request you to consider my above points also and give us any reason that why they are not willing to go for Registration.

 

@geetha , 

Thanks again for your detail analysis. It may seem that since you are talking in support of my views I am more concern about your fact, but let the forum be aware, a family does not gives marriage to her daughter to bring her back. We know that she has to struggle,, work hard to make a new life out of it but at the same time it must be a joint effort as a clapping sound does not occur through one hand.

I am not married but I would like to put a fact before the forum. A parents only Son, has a host lot of duties, the bond becomes much attached when he becomes their only child. The relation with parents can never be erased but at the same time you should have a consideration for the girl newly added to your family; one has to get over petty issues and generate love in relationship, one has to give time to build up the trust and confidence as it is the girl who has come a long way leaving her dear ones, time teaches everything be it new rules and regulation or adjusting to new environment...a whole lot of changes occur in the thought process which can only turn into positive facts if nurtured with care and affection. We fear that getting over small issues and giving ample time is  lacking in this relationship.

 

We are still looking for a healthy relationship revival, but the strict denial of the groom family to go for registration gives us a entirely different mindset of their future perception. Please narrate me the problems which we could face due to lack of registration. We would like to be well prepared before the catastrophe begins.

@NUT

Thanks for your Views , and i woluld get back to you on the Ration Card Issue.

@ Geetha

1. Law follows society and it is not possible to make Law for every nano second of marriage life of spouses. What was there in medieval times is still followed by married males all over the world and only thing that has changed is he has a car and wears a suit and uses LPG gas and instead of starbed he sleeps in a double bed vis-à-vis what has changed for females is instead of BBQ under open skies from the hunted meat brought by male tribe she most often complains juggling work-life balance and funny part is that society believes only her just because of propaganda being created from top of vocal cord. 

2. That is what you have seen. I have seen many husbands doing household work after job and even washing bums of their babies. A female is biologically programmed for housework better than a male thus unless there is genetic change happening in distant future your say will be read down with glycerine, sari and sindoor in hand. 

3. The Law which needs to be made is for females not to get married if they are not physically fit to lead marriage and job life together. Forget and donot speak of women equality before me then. How about that law being drawn by legislatures instead of quoting your para with more glycerine?. One side women want equality so what equality they are aiming at; only for sharing household work? If household work is so painful for women then why even get married is my question.

4. I am not making fun of women. I am showing them mirror. If you live in Delhi stay at our home for 1 year free of cost I will show you how we balance our work and life with a minor out of our marriage. Same ghisa pita challenges are easy to write down in forums to garner support as if women are only sufferers in marriage. BTW, your challenge of job-cooking -washing to me etc. reinforces stereotypes and succeeds in forum expressions that the new Airtel 'Boss" advertisement does sparks a gender debate and it reinforcing stereotypes instead of breaking them. 

5. I have better medical knowledge than copy and paste medical analysis you are putting before me and moreover what is advice that you want to present to the woman in the query put by her brother? You want law to be made so give your legal opinion as I have suggested to him my opinion; divorce the sooner the better since they are incompatible couples. 

6. It is a shame that a couple both working having most probably different working hours living nucleus social life are not able to make their marriage workout. Both to be blamed and it is not advisable to continue in such marriage and gone are days when ‘divorce’ was a dirty word now every 10000th. house has a divorcing or divorced gender living r/w re-marriage for both is not that easy now-a-days so coining only Indian woman re-marriage as being difficult is also like pushing them back to medieval age. 

Lastly I suggest donot engage me with same innuendo of patriarchal society and Indian women are down trodden stories. I live in social conformity and see them in daily experiences and Indian society has moved on and only feminists with certain agenda to break joint family system that survived Indian ethos for long are now making all out efforts to push back such development which many a today’s Indian women are finding difficult to cope-up with and seek solace in easy available 41 Women centric laws Vs. only 1 Law available to Indian male. Women empowerment without application of mind is biggest enemy to women themselves is also my view.

 

Anything else in social Laws or Medicals now you want to discuss with me? 

[Last reply to your comment]

@Tajobsindia.......@Geetha

With due respect to your arguments,,,,may i please request someone to answer my query.

Since Registration is not done and it has been confirmed that it will not happen by the groom family, will we face any hindrence while filing for separation.

Will be grateful if I get a direct answer, thanks for the discussion and care about the matter.

Please take a look at this query and its answers.

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Marriage-certificate-without-husbands-presence-79001.asp

Marriage registration can not be done without the cooperation of your brother-in-law, who happens to be the one who married your sister. Both husband and wife should sign the applications and submit necessary proofs.

Now aren't there already enough red flags in this marriage including, non-compliance regarding legal procedures (marriage registration), Yelling & shouting at your sister, Breaking bangles (which is traditionally done towards widows), rubbing off sindoor, enforcing laws regarding how many times a wife should change their clothes in a day......

Do these things open your eyes to the fact that your sisters husband is an ABUSER. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. Now on the days of quarrel, your BIL conveniently takes food from outside, while not informing the wife and also not buying provisions for food preparation. If he could communicate to her that he do not want to eat from home that day and she should buy her own groceries will his manhood fall off ? You better handle your sisters marrital situation properly. While conducting marriage, the girls family should have sought marriage to a family with similar value/moral system and customs.

The family your sister married into seems like having low morality, low compliance towards the laws of the country, low respect towards the women. A wife of a son is equivalent to a daughter. If the boys family could treat her that way problems wouldn't arise. Instead they treat daughter in laws like servents. Apparently this girl is burdened with housework in a non-proportional way. There are many men who share housework happily with their wifes. But a law regarding housework and marital duty by husband is needed because many men seems to lack understanding about their responsibilities. Even after marriage they tend to live like Bachelors.

To Tajobs Sir,
So many families in India live happily, husband valuing and respecting wife. Wife doing everything to make husband and family happy. But accept that there are many bad apples in India and Laws are needed to control the damages created by them. But your view point that women are not downtrodden is a very one sided male only view. And when educated men like you maintain that attitude, it makes life easy for the criminals who want to make women suffer. I am in no way asking that males should be downtrodden or discarded..

Of course India can micromanage couples lives with properly structured laws. What is wrong is passing a law that mandates that housework sharing is part of the deal for man to get married. If that deters a man from marriage, then he can saty unmarried. The more celibate man india has the better it is to reduce population. At least you may be aware that north india is now facing a shortage marriage age girls due to all the female babies killed in the uterus.

@ Geeta Jii plz put your hand on geeta and take sworn that what ever you have said is not unbiased.

 

My Take : I solemnly affirm and believe that what ever going through out the country to uplift women are totally disguise in nature.

 

1. Women only Kills unborn babies and shout through out the world that "Bhrun Hatya Paap Hai"

 

2. Every women law is made to uplift women but they are not uplifting themselves but they are uplifting their male counterparts in the way of tremendous harassment.,so that the word "Male" may disappear from the map of India.

 

3. Just like a women who dreams for a richer and well settled guy to get married in the same way Men also dreams for a woman who could shower love on him, take care of his breads and family and aged parents. But, unfortunately The urban women have really changed the concept of marriage,family and responsibility.

 

4. Legally U/s 6 of Hindu succession amendment act 2005 women have got equal rights of inheritable properties of her father but she needs double ladoo of both eye candy ie properties from husband as well as father and now they are demanding for in-laws properties..

 

5. Juggling of work,family and love doesn't need a substantial law within a country, It's a demography of married girl to perform household activities and assist her husband in all means. So, if she assists financially and also as household activities then it's not a new concept in marriage terminology.

It's a vice versa situation and I bet every compatible husband n wife who love each other are following this concept without any hesitation.

 

6. Where is the women empowerment going , does we really see any changes in remote areas , leave it  ...when we move just 20-25 kms in the interior of any developed city of India we Still see the destitute condition of women and childrens in terms of hygiene and overall living condition.

NO, This women empowerment is only concentrated around metro women or urban women.

A strong say " A richer becomes more richer and poorer becomes more poorer"

In the same way the all women friendly law is made for the urban women only to gather vote bank from them as the real destitute women even don't know to encash these women frinedly laws.

 

The whole ancient world is witness that every disaster of a kingdom cause due to a woman only. So, it's quite relevant to say that "The day is not so far when women will be called as NOMEN".If this misuses of women laws are not checked and regulated.

Hence, India will be such kingdom where male will revolt against female due to the partiality in terms of Biased Law

When there will be No man in this country will be left who could agree to marry a woman or to establish an emotional relationship.

 

ESIS.

Agree with Tajobs.

 

@Author

Let your sister live her married life on her own. She will learn negotiation in the process and slowly adapt to the new environment. Me as a brother of a sister who a few days back gone thru the same phase. It is my father's intellect and his foresightedness solved the petty issues. I thought of legal options but it was my father who convinced me and now the couple is happily living.

 

You or your parents cannot be there for her all your lives, Its practically not possible. If once a litigation is created then it is almost impossible to patch up the things. I totally agree to tajobs and dont listen to tones of the litigants, they can only spoil a relationship.

And Author's brief is only a side of the coin. No man without provocation does stupid things. If you get your brother-in-law and his side of the story onto this forum, then people like geeta can better understand the things. Otherwise they will spoil the lives and relationships like how they spoiled themselves. They can see an issue from only one angle, that is why they are here now.