Mental torture by inlaws

First try to settal your matter through mediation. they may be your parents/family members & your husband family members.

If this method failed than file a complaint before a marriage counseling cell.

If this also failed.

Ultimate filed   an application under Domestic violence act.

Yes, it is realy a mental torture, I agree. 

U r staying seperately from ur in laws, ur husband is on ur side.

 Of course, ur husband will have his responsibilities, though he knows ur pain.

What type egal held u need?

Your husband is one of the best in contemporary India.  Never lose him.  All the mental torture you are talking about is utter non-sense.  You married with your husband, not MIL,SIL and BIL.  You really do not know the present plight of women inlaws' house.  That is why, you are trying to find out illusionary "mental torture".

Your husband is a godgift.  He, intellegently has not sided with his mother and sisters, which would have made your position miserable.

Enjoy life.  If possible, with the husband's consultation, do some job, which will preoccupy you from unnecessary and extraneous thoughts about your in-laws.

@ Adv Chandu,

Thank you for your email.

I am very much happy living separately with my husband, but it irritates when they require him only for money. else there is no relation with him. any wife will get pissed off if her husband is being used like this.

I am well educated girl and i have my small business and earning good enough. but these kind of incidence took away my peace of mind. I personally feel my husband should behave like tit for tat and do not keep any relation with them. I am not saying to stay away from his duties, he should pay his mom for her living but shoud cut off all communication. please let me know if what i expect is wise enough.

Dear Querist,

Life is always not a bed of roses,sometimes we have to tread upon thorns also.That's the way fo life given to us by the almighty.The differences you mentioned are quite common in families and I don't think they are so alarming.Now that you are staying away from your inlaws,try to win over them,with love and affection.If still there is no change,engage mediators from your side and from the side of your husband for a peaceful conclusion. You are lucky that you have a carring husband.But his attitude towards his parents cannot be changed instanteniously.I feel he will realise in times to come.Sorry to learn all the mental agony you are encountering.

even if your in-laws talked to you,they will still expect money since that is the basic duty of any son.

you cant expect them to communicate with you in order to get money from their son.that is not a pre-condition.he is their son first,then your husband.remember this.

rather you shud feel lucky they are not interfering in your life and letting you run the household on your terms.they are not even instigating your husband against you.if they are not coming to your house,feel free.what if your in-laws came over to stay,then foundd faults in your housekeeping???

@ Sainath sir,

Thank you for your advice. Life is really not bed of roses always, i have always gave respect and love to all of them and their kids, but could not win them. my mom in law is not very bad women at times she used to be good with me, but sil wud change her mind and anyways they had not accepted me from the day one.

I have spoken with my mom and soon will have a meeting, we know our responsibilities and duties.

Thanks again for your help.

@ Roshni

There is no question of money, i guess you misunderstood it. I said they interact with my husband only when they need money. they can always ask for it, but should be treated as their own son/brother. he is running the house but all the decisions are taken by sil? that is pinching me.

Moreover i have not mentioend above once my mil had said i married my hubby just for money. she can blame me to this extend. she did not say that its my sil's mind.

Shindeji,

The only thing is that you are feeling alienated from your inlaws,because of their interaction with their son only.That is quite natural.For that matter you will be more attached to your parents,than your husband.That does not mean that they dislike him.Hence my sincere request is,please leave aside whatever has happened,try to win over your inlaws love and affection  and everything will sail smothely.

You say that your in-laws were not ready at all for your marriage. Then how do you call it an arranged marriage? Generally we call a marriage an arranged one when it is  an arranged by parents on both sides.. Any way that is not a matter here. 

You have a caring husband who earns well. You are also well educated and are earning money. Generally what I call  'in-law syndrome" is a natural jealousy that exists the world over. It is possible that your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law are pathetically dependent on your husband for money. It is also possible that if any of your sisters-in-law is married her husband is not as well off as your husband. There is also a possibility that since you and your husband are financially well off you feel yourself in a commanding position and hence feel that your in-laws should consult you (or may be that they should tell you) for matters concerning them. Well if they do not do that don't feel offended. I am of the opinion that if educated and intelligent persons recognize the existence of natural jealouslies, which can get aggravated by other things like one side or both sides being poor, they must use their intelligence and live above it.

If your in-laws ignore you, you ignore them too.  It would be still better if you are generous and ignore their ignoring you.  I think you  do not have children yet. If and when you have children you may need help of other female members of either family. First you request your mother-in-law. If she does not co-operate call your own mother.  Your mother-in-law may not like competition from her sambdi and hence she may come.

Anyway I feel that you are in a happy position and your mental torture is only your own imagination.

@Author, just ignore..

hi  Roshini,

                 i Agree with you. bec my case was much worst than shinda's case. my in laws were instigating my husband against me . just bec of them my husband  always quarels with me since from the beginng of my marriage. now he also started  to suspect my affection towards him by heeding to there parents and relatives they dont like since frm the beggining just bec im from different caste. more over my father in law asking me to change my property(which was in my mother name along with my name) in his son's name or else to sale it and bring the cash. fil tortured me by saying that my son would have got more dowry if would  given him for marriage with any other girl. alredy thay have taken 4 lakhs of rupees as dwry frm me but still kept on asking me wat u bought frm ur parents everytime i come frm my parents place. more over my husband had illegal contact with a married womens(two ladies). when my parents asked abt that  my fil replied saying that my son is man males r allowed to do anything as a women u should keep ur mouth shut  being a female even my mother in law also supported him.even my fil also having stepny illegal contact with some other women my mil knows everything and allows that .they want me too be like tat.