Hello,
I got married in dec2009. I left my job because it required me to work long hours which weren't acceptable. But a month after my marriage, my husband started to insult me for not having a job, in spite of me trying to look for a suitable one. They wantred me to get a well paying job which allows me to come home at 5pm and help out at home. I obviously cannot find a job which I have no qualifications for. Meanwhile we stayed with his parents.
He earns well but we didn't have many costs except for his expenses for when he went out with friends, drinking. We didn't go anywhere after our marriage- I was ok with that. In spite of this- he didn't save up anything. I have worked for 10 years and have saved up money and have invested it . So a few month's delay in job hunt is not a problem for me.
I don't have the experience of his mother at looking after the house, but I was willing to learn. I don't have a mother and have lived in hostels most of my life. However, I made small mistakes now and then- like leaving the bathroom light on one day or not using clothes-pin while drying clothes. But my husband screamed at me badly for this. I started staying in my room most of the time- I was afraid of making any more mistakes.
I wasn't thin enough for them, my father didn't give me enough gold or spend enough money on my marriage. Every now and then I had to hear disguised taunts like this. Mostly while my husband was not around. Also, his mother is fanatical about cleanliness. She cleans after the maid leaves.
I don't have the experience of his mother at looking after the house, but I was willing to learn. I don't have a mother and have lived in hostels most of my life. However, I made small mistakes now and then- like leaving the bathroom light on one day or not using clothes-pin while drying clothes. But my husband screamed at me badly for this. I started staying in my room most of the time- I was afraid of making any more mistakes.
He doesn't have any responsibilities at his home, didn't even know where to pay the electricity bill. He is pampered there like a little boy while I am expected to do all the work. Once his father started screaming at me in front of the neighbor and i told him that we'll talk a little later- I didn't want the neighbor to hear what goes on in their house. It hurt his ego so much that he asked us to leave home.
Since then I have been blamed for the separation. Everything that goes wrong is now my fault. we have shifted to another place- far away from his parent's home. I had wanted to shift somewhere close so that I could at least visit his parents, and they- us. I joined work with a reputed company after asking my husband. He seemed to be okay with the fact that it involved travelling.
But once I started my work, I could not be around for family gatherings or card playing nights, which happen in his house almost every weekend. I was travelling and between 2 trips, I just had a day or two to recoup. I did this job because it paid well, which pleased my husband. But because I could not be present at family gatherings, I was sounded off by his mother. This made my husband dislike me even more. Every month he would find an excuse and tell me he wants to end the marriage. So, I gave up my job. But nothing I do, makes him happy. I asked his friends and family for help but they turned on me.
Finally after two and half years, the situation is such that my husband has no valid reason for a divorce. So he wants me to agree to it mutually. But no one should be allowed to ruin someone's life by marriaging them and then leaving because they're done with them. Use and throw.
I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been toturing me mentally, sometimes physically.He calls me a home wrecker and mostly stays at his parent's place until my father calls him up and tells him to return.
He said that he will need to find allegations against me to get me to divorce him. Is that possible? Can he force me to divorce him. He can allegate anything- adultry or theft or anything. How am I to protect myself against this?
I don't want my husband to divorce me. I just want a happily married life. I don't want anything from him except for him to be sensible and save for his future. I have been running the house at my expense for most of the last 2 years- thinking atleast he will be able to save up. He is a stubborn and egoistic person- but can I ask for a mandatory marriage counselling?. How do I deal with this?
Please help.
