Varsha 12 December 2016

Need guidance on personal issue

hello sir/madam, I am 31 year old single mother. I married to a man I loved in college in 2011. I have a baby of age 3.8 years (Born in Year 2013). Initial years of marriage (1.5) things were ok as my in-laws were demanding but my husband was supporting me. We both work in reputed IT company. I am a girl from middle class family so had less expenses and was very careful about money management whereas my husband and his family are shopaholic and strongly believe in show off.I was paying to their demand till my baby came into our life. during my pregnancy I was willing to take six months of break for baby and same was agreed with my husband. but my in-laws started forcing me to join office immediately after baby became two months which I denied. As I was on loss of pay I kept some saved amount for my n babies medications. But as I was forced to have a delivery at Nagpur my husband was occasionally coming to see us and i have to take care of all expenses. later on he stopped talking to me I was getting his call only to transfer money in his account. He deserted me in our own house for almost two years. he and his family keep on humiliating me and demand for money time to time. up to certain extend I paid them but later on they started demanding for control of my entire salary I was asked to disconnect myself from my family and friends. In all this our baby was totally ignored by his father. I was going through depression. NOw his family had started threatening me saying they will demand money from my father or they will file a false case against my family and put them behind the bars. I was scared and tried to get help from woman cell, as they suggested I put application for help in near by police station. Still the torture was going on. they used pull baby from my hand n push me out of house. But I have to stand for our baby n I did. later on my husband left me without any notice in Nov 2014 and I was left all alone with year old baby in house. Later on he went to onsite and I was unaware. After his return he filed a restitution in family court (MAy 2015) and sent me a legal notice. We attended counselling from feb 2016, as he dint attended first two court dates. During counseling he refused that he left the house and started blaming me for all wrong. At a stage I agreed for mutual divorce as m alone in city with kid and was getting into depression again but for our kid I thought of giving him another chance. Now I have make up my mind to fight and get my and our son's rights. He has never taken any of his responsibility as father. his family keep on emotional blackmailing him about leaving my husband alone or doing something wrong with their life. I know my husband is very emotional towards his family and do not want to leave them, but they used to create emotional and health related drama in front of him so that he couldn't thing about his own family and start paying attention n take his responsibility as father/husband. 1) Need your guidance how to handle this situation. I am ready to stay with my husband but his family is of criminal mind. Even when we were together his mother used to insult me in front of family and friend. he father used abusive language. I was called maid/girl from slum. That time our baby was small n dint understand but now he can. I want him to have healthy surrounding. 2) I want my husband to take his responsibility of husband and father. As his family did want him to pay a single penny on us. What need to be done to get maintenance from him as share of responsibility? 3) He is forcing me to divorce him as his family's real face is in front of society and they are not willing him to be with us. 4) We have a property bought during my pregnancy. I was 5 month preganant and had some complications in pregnancy, in that situation I was forced to be co-applicant in that property and asked to put all my saving to buy that house in Pune. I paid half of down payment in that property. NOw they have not paid bank EMI's from last 2.5 years. I was threaten to pay amopunt multiple time multiple way. I am willing to sell that property and get back my hard earned money. Also during our marriage his family borrowed money from relatives which we were forced to repay withing a year. I helped him to pay that. Also helped him to sponser his brother's graduation and post graduation. though his father was bank manager it was expected from us to pay for his younger brothers education and demands. His mother forcefully take me for shopping and asked to pay bills in thousands if i dont pay i was used abused and hurt by my husband. I was tortured and humiliated to death by my in-laws. My only hope is to have father for our son but with respect and dignity. I don't wnt to get into same abusive relationship and depression. Need your help and guidance. Thanks!!

Reply Follow

5 Replies

whatnot 12 December 2016

Your husband is an example of disoriented fallacy of single child policy. If I have to venture and take a guess he is ladla of the family and never had to struggle in his life. At the best he is medicore either in life or in job.Promotions are hard come by. A leech of parasitic in nature feeds off and is oxygen waster.

While that rant is over, it is sad that you have entangled yourself. Love is blind.

Here are the facts that you need do. First keep you job. Being busy would help you allievate some problem and money plays major in upcoming struggle. In order to do that you need to be physically strong. Contact a good gynae. You may have been malnourished or due to stress you may have devloped some kind of post-natal pregnency depression. A good care take woul help (mother, aunt, someone elder). Though it might be far too down the line still worth a check.

Now coming back to RCR, attend it and for benefit of the child states your willingness to live but with pre conditions. It is human nature to blame . He is actually done a blunder moving to RCR. You can ask for maintainance while the case drags. They will have to pay. Attach a very comeptent lawyer and fight maintaiance case. Sissy family (one who live for gratficiation from society) will crwal back to negotiating table once maintainance notice is issued. State in maintainace notice that your money is locked in the proerty and hence he needs to maintian. They will come with you working and earning. Hence seek for child and later you can include yourself.

Never give divorce. Period. As for as house is concerned. If you are co owner, send a legal notice to rest of party that you wish to sell it and let lawyer handle. See how it deveoples. Market will be down for a while. Even banks won't foreclose. atleast until currennt money situation improves. So you have time to battle this out. Property mayn't be worth anymore. But should be able to recover your share. let them take a hit.

But all this advise is based on that you're not gulity of anyadverse act that you may have taken to divide the family. Hopefully you have tried your best.

Please be reasonable in your cliams. Consult right resources. But don't do anything in a hurry.

Child is your future. That alone should be your saviour.

Varsha 12 December 2016

Thanks for reply and concern about health. With god grace even after oppose to my love marriage my parents stood strong behind me to support in this critical situation. I am getting all support from family and friends to recover from depression. I am better now.

I never tried to divide family. In fact I became the reason to bring his parentt together (for sometime only) who were living seprately since long to enjoy their own life and freedom. I convinced my husbad to bring them together, as they were keep on saying they are doing it for their sons. But even after they completed their eduction they both were preferring to stay away n only on weekends they were seeing each other.

As i have mentioned i have helped my husband and his family all possible way to get out of debt or support his brothers education or fullfill his family demands with no expectation but jus love n care.

For almost two years i dint tell anyone about my situation and how my husband and his family deserted me. But when i denied to pay them my salary they started insulting me and my family. they were showing that they are under debt because of me as i forced to buy property and now not helping them to pay EMI and other expenses. Whereas I was asked to pay 25K/month to stay with my own family in same house. I paid them online. Later on they started demanding money in cash. My husband was using very abusive language to make his mother happy and father comforatble that he is not going to take me or kid as priority instead of them. I used to have sleeples night. My husband started drinking and used to fight for no reason. His mother and brother were njoying the pain i was going through. I was asked to accept whatever wrong going on around and others were enjoying luxury whereas me and baby were struggling to get my husbands attention. when they were njoying a car bought with our money i was taking my kid in auto for vaccination. there were no one to ask me what i am going through. I suffered and tried my level best to save this marriage but I was the only one who was trying and failing everytime.

Jai Karan Nagwan (consultant) 12 December 2016

you have two option to resume cohabitation, with a statement that you have not seserted the comapnay of your husband, rather abandoned by your husband. after resuming your husband family, fight out intelligently with the help of your relatives, if still harassment continue, it is hard to do, yet you may go for DV proceeding. second option proceeding under Section 18 of HAMA 1956 for seperate residence in your husband property itself and stay there peacefully and continue with your work. there may be chances that you may not get maintainance, but might get seperate residence.

Forget your ego, if any and try to align your relationship / turn your life around.