swapna (hr) 03 January 2014

Requesting genuine advice on divorce on verbal abuse grounds

here i am back to this forum for a genuine advise and support from all of you. i am married for 9 years now and have 2 kids of age 7 and 3 yrs. some time back i was in this forum seeking advice for my husbands physical abuse on me. However we reconciled in March 2013. Few months were fine. but then again he started showing up his colors but this time it was not physical abuse, but a verbal abuse and a mental torture. he started accusing me saying i flirt with everyone, though its a vegetable vendor, milk man, or any neighbour. he says i jollyfy men. when we both had been to one of the wedding receptions of our neighbour he accused me of staring at men. anywhere we go he always verbally abuses me of seeing other men. the very recent incident is 15days back, where he says that he got a call from one number and that person told that ur wife has an affair with her boss. this incident happend when he was in his office and he least bothered to check if that call was a genuine and immediately rushed in to my office and started behaving very aggressively with me. the way he was creating a scene there was seen by many of the staff, security, drivers, ayahs etc. by the ways i work in one of the reputed educational institutions as HR. and then i sent him saying i would come home and we will sort out the issues. and started immediately. as he confirmed that i was on the way to home. he again went to my office and behaved very aggresively with my superior asking him directly "Do you have affair with my wife","I will get people (rowdies) and kidnap you and dont mind even killing you, if the call wat i got is true", "my wife is not satisfying me in s*x since 2 yrs, may be she is enjoying here with you tats y she is doing this to me". after reaching home i tried calling him, his mobile was swiched off, i dint know he had been to my office and after he came home we went to police station to complaint about that number. and meanwhile my brother confirmed that its a TATA Docomo number 8951055098, and google has many complaints on this number. i took my husband to cyber and showed him all the complaints on this particular number. even then he dint trust me, he started saying me that if you happily enjoy with him and come home should i close my eyes and sit. you want more of s*x so you go to anyone.next day they asked(office heads) asked us to come together to discuss and sort out the matter. but even with them he talks the same. he says them that my wife should not work here. they made me resign on the spot. i am jobless now. i lost a very dignified career in a good place. since then i am getting into depression crying every day. after hearing all these abuse i feel like killing my self. i am from a very decent and disciplined family and my parents and we have a good name in the place we live as we are living here since ages. i dont feel like living with this person any more as he always suspects my character. speaks vulgar language. if i have password to my mobile it means i have p*rn in it, if i wear saree to office he says do i go to pose for blue films. i am fed up of this. please advice me on how do i proceed with my divorce. since this incident i am in my parents house. Kindly suggest me, if i file for divorce 1. should i go to lawyer and send him(my husband) a notice,2. will my children be with me. 3. the house which me and my husband are staying the land is given by my parents however he has invested 15Lakhs to construct the house. so should we give him this money back. 4. whether i can start looking for a new job. 5. any other challenges please advice thanks

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8 Replies

Ranee....... (NA) 03 January 2014

Seems he has psychological problems.Better divorce him and give your kids a healthy environment to grow up.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner ) 04 January 2014

1. should i go to lawyer and send him (my husband) a notice
Take: It is purely your call. If a husband ignores wife then he is slapped with 'dereliction of his duties’ If a husband shows possessiveness towards his wife which often is fact then couple end up in divorce.

2. will my children be with me.
Take: The moment you decide to you walk out of your matrimonial home carry the minors with you in that scenarios the court will delay even granting visitation of minors to their father which in a way creates fatherlessness in minors atmosphere. If you decide to leave them with him then your option to seek their return falls quickly under DV Act complaint case and not under GWA Act as ‘quick return’ is catch word here. If you decide to end the cohabitation then jolly well living under same roof you may file for divorce and enjoy company of minors under same roof. Make up your mind evaluating these mentioned scenarios and act accordingly.

3. the house which me and my husband are staying the land is given by my parents however he has invested 15 Lakhs to construct the house. so should we give him this money back.

Take: A partition suit will clear the title and eventually your side will end up paying construction cost with interest if his side is smart enough to act accordingly. Better would be to make up your mind why not to end or proceed on in this marriage then act in consultation with an advocate re-reading this episode in a Court; A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get the land which came in as some gift from natal home. The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honour, my parents aged and retired by the time they thought to give gift of this land to my husband. The land should be titled in my name". The judge turns to the husband and says "What do you have to say in your defence?" The man sat for a while contemplating. Then slowly rose. "Your Honour, since before marriage I have been laboring enough dreaming of living in a house of my own when the moment comes and when a gift which is a gift cometh to me I built a home, Whose land is it, the In-Laws ' or mine?".

4. whether i can start looking for a new job.
Take: An empty mind breeds empathy. Better to seek employment instead of allowing breeding of wrong vibes.

5. any other challenges

Take: Once spouses start meeting each other in various court corridors such daily meet ups becomes challenges in themselves! Hence take a pause and rewind and then fast forward life on positive note for sake of giving minors healthy atmosphere which we call amicable mutual consent divorce by a in-compatible wavelength couples i.e. mutually coming half way by somehow agreeing on to one time reasonable alimony, settling land-property issues, custody/visitation rights which in sum total comes at the end cheaper for mental peace and pockets too.

Now, make a reasoned call accordingly as you are now experienced person.

avijit (officer accounts) 04 January 2014

dont plan for any divorce, he is doing all this thing for get divorce only.

now u r in ur parents house? be there some more days, see how his behavior will change. Send elder family member for compromise (must capture all the discussion & other event at time of discussion) this will help you letter at court. Don’t go for any type of case filing they will get bell after maximum 15 days, do what he did with you. If discussion failed. Send only notice to his office (his office, head office hr) by notary / u can write a letter a women commissioner regarding this matter & sick help. This whole process will take time; let his office people know what he did with you. Send one by one notice to his office, parents. Remember by give divorce you wont gate any thing but he will gate. He will marry again. Try to make him suffer , why should you are trying for divorce, if you will send divorce paper you wont gate your money, let give him first notice then only you put your all condition (your land, money, maintenance money for you & child : make it one time settlement only )

Try these step ( make him blame in office). Write what are the result you will get after these step nether other step are also there

avijeetmuna@gmail.com

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate) 04 January 2014

It is a case a male suspicious of his wife, this is an incurable disease and will continue to prevail till death. It is better to part the ways legally.about your questions:

1. should i go to lawyer and send him(my husband) a notice, === It is not mandatory,

2. will my children be with me. Your children are there with you now also, they can remain with you, let him apply for custody, then you can contest the same.

3. the house which me and my husband are staying the land is given by my parents however he has invested 15Lakhs to construct the house. so should we give him this money back === If he is demanding the money funded for construction, ask him to settle it as alimony for you and your kids.

. 4. whether i can start looking for a new job === This has got nothing to do with you continuing with the your present job, you can decide about new job after considering your situations.

. 5. any other challenges====What else is the challenge do you expect, the present situation itself is a challenging situation.

Biswanath Roy (Advocate) 04 January 2014

Submit an F.I.R.ON THE GROUND OF CRUELTY AND HARASSMENT in the local police station of your paternal house and with that F.I.R. go to criminal court and file a petition U/s.498A i.p.c. PRAYING COGNIZANCE. Immediately and side by side rush to the Civil court and file a Partition Suit against your husband claiming that you invested stridhan money receipted from your father for purchasing land of the house, AFTER TAKING A DECLARATION FROM YOUR FATHER by .an Affidavit. and serve a legal notice to your husband for partition of the suit property .. Along with the petition of Sec.498A I.P.C. file an interlocutory petition claiming maintenance for you and your kids. You shall have to do all these at a time so that your husband cannot get any time to draw up a plan for his defense. As you have experience in working as HR you will definitely get another job but before getting the job you shall have to file application for maintenance..