Telling husband not to come home does this amount to cruelty

She seems to be feeling unsecured. Spend more time with her and things should fall in place.

After marriage husband and wife should stay together if both are in same city. If you are keeping your things in parents house then where are u staying? Are you taking financial responsibility of ur wife, I mean ur family?  At the time of your marriage you told her that you are keeping the thinks in parents ouse and just visiting her? Are she agreed for that? Since u r coming late and keeping the things in ur parents house, she is strongly suspecting that you are going to ur parents place after office and coming to stay with her just for name sake. If your wife keeps her all the things in her parents house and comes late night just to sleep with you. Do you like this?

My good advice is, understand your responsibility towards wife. Keep her happy and stay with her. If your parents are the well wishers of your family then ask them to stay with you and your wife. If they are not willing to stay then let them stay separately and you can visit whenever you are having time. Don't forget your duties towards wife just because of your parents. Every Indian woman expects the husband to stay with her and take good care of her instead of just visiting like this. I can't think she has done any mistake to take divorce from her.

good advice shweta je.

Sure wife likes husband to care for him. But she also has responsibilities. A nagging wife is like a pest. He must have a good reason to stay away from her. A wife's behaviour is equally important consideration in a marriage. A wife is not the only responsibility or relation of the husband. A man is also a son, an employee and a member of a society and has multidimension responsibility. The wife cannot insist on having man to dance according to her tala all the time! counselling may help to help wife change her behaviour. But if she doesn't a husband cannot be expected to tolerate her. It is time when responsibilities and behaviour of wives are brought under scrutiny.

Wife running to and staying in her parents house and making unreasonable demands on husband and in laws are nothing new in India. Lo and behold any expression or criticism by husband of this- then comes the DV act which essentially say allow the wife to behave as eggregiously or irresponsibly-else you will be in trouble!

Dear Bhima,

This is the way girls are brought up in our country. While a father may not hesitate to take his belt to his son, daughters are invariably pampered and develop an overly bloated notion of their importance. They moreover tend to expect it all their lives. During their childhood, they get what they want from their fathers and when they get married they expect the same from their husbnds.

While I do not recommend corporal punishment, these girls must be properly educated and taught to be responsible members of the community. Perhaps one may ban the TV in the house for sometime, this may lead the females to take a look at real life, far different from the saas bahu dramas

Who is paying for your wife's rented accommodation?  Is she a working woman?  What prompted you set up a nuclear family while living in the same area as your parents live?

Hi Bhima Ji,

I agree with you that, in a family both husband and wife should understand the responsibilities and if any one of them are doing mistakes then they have to correct them self to have a normal, good family life. I am not at all differentiating like husband or wife. But each case is different. In this case, I clearly asked him some sensitive questions almost 1 month back which are the common mistakes lead for family problems. Now, Chandrashekar ji has asked the same questions again. But this guy has not even replied for my questions almost it is one month now. Can you guess whyJ??? By looking his statements one can understand the actual problem in this case. He is staying with his parents and planning to divorce his wife and searching some excuse or her mistakes to divorce her. As a Indian, we believe in nuclear families we expect to respect the elders and even we expect the in-laws to accept the daughter-in-law as a daughter. I have so many examples to show still such good culture is there in India. But here, his  parents are not at all behaving as a elders!! If so why his parents can’t advise him to stay with his wife? Why he has to seek for a good advice in lawyers club? He knows he will get better advice in Lawyers club than his elders or parents. Tell me now, his wife can stay with such parents? Practically is it possible? One more thing, if his parents are good advisers then divorce plan will not come in his mind in this stage only…so I am sure that his parents are forcing him to divorce his wife instead of giving him good advice to stay with her and even they are not allowing him to take the financial responsibility of his wife. So he could not reply to my questions.

I feel he is still not matured to take independent decision and don’t know how to manage when parents are miss-guiding. He needs counselling to balance and take independent decision to take care of his wife as well as parents. I am really not finding any mistake from his wife in his statements. Please don’t compare each woman in the same line. She is expecting him to stay with her. This is minimum expectation each woman will have. I wonder how can he think it as a condition or cruelty? Please tell me is it a cruelty? So I told, he is still not matured to think which is right and which is wrong. I advise him to take good counselling instead of divorce.

@chandrashekhar...........hi sir. as per your query, i am paying the rent for the acccomodation, i am paying for the gas, the electricity, and giving daily expenses to my wife. she was working until she left my home to her mothers place, i never wanted to live separately, i am a family man, and wanted to stay together with my wife and parents, however my wife always insisted that i take a separate accomodatiuon and stay separately, she started petty figjhts in the house, thats the reason i had to take  a separate accomodation

The author has given the fuller details which is in lieu with the common happenings. It is a case of nagging wife who is hostile to her inlaws and wants her husband to dance to her tune.That is all. The husband here is the one paying for her upkeep yet she is the one causing problems. No one can/ should tolerate such wives.

 A good wife will visit her inlaws with her husband- not pester him and nag him to separate from them. The problem arose due to wife antics to separate the husband and his parents! If at all anyone is immature -I guess it is clear what the answer is! There should be no tolerance to such behaviour.

Agree with Bhima balla.  Your primary duty is towards parents and then towards your wife.  Imagine a company having trained you for two years to acquire the necessary skills to perform a job and the moment you complete the training, you join some other company which had not invested anything on you to train you.  Parents are also like that.  They have invested their money, energy and efforts to get you educated so that you stand up on your own feet.  Your wife has not done that to you.  So you have a duty towards your parents to repay their debts.

It is not simply in terms of money, but also in terms of love, care and affection that you have to repay their debts as a son.  Wife not allowing you to perform your duty as son is not a good wife.  After your parents trained you to become an able man to get a decent job and made you an "asset for their family", your wife had separated you from them and like an organization which lures the employees trained by other organization.  If your wife had educated you, then it is her right to take you away and force you to not contribute to your parents.  But these women are thieves, they steal the "assets" created by old parents who invested their entire incomes, life and energies on their sons.  Just when they feel my efforts have been yielding results, the wife takes those assets away and sets up nuclear families.  That may not be illegal, but whatever is not illegal may not be moral. 

Leave her to her fate and be loyal to your parents.

People like you will get justice the day Indian Law recognizes that marriage is not a contract of maintenance of wife by husband, but it also involves responsibilities on the part of wife.

Coming to your question of whether a wife restricting entry of husband to into house amounts to cruelty, it depends on how court views it.  For me it appears as cruelty only.  But we do not know how the judge views it as.  If you have any case laws setting precedent in similar situations where any court delivered judgment in favor of husband in similar circumstances, it may help you.

Hi dlf,

In the same forum, fasmily -> divorce, you have put completely new story about your wife with the tittle " Wife running away from husbands home and statement to police"

which is not at all matching with this story and in that story no mention/ question about staying or visiting your wife daily, taking financial responsibility of her nothing....

Now which is the true story? both can't be true. So atleast one should be false.

So please don't put such false blames on your wife just to prove that she is bad. It shows how good you are

@sheweta....................i do not wish to post any false and misleading situations here, the fact is that the first title i posted : Wife running away from husbands home and statement to police"    is an incidence where it took for the first time, in my house, when she left my house, i searched for her for a full day, the next day i lodged a missing persons report, here she was summoned by the police and her statement was taken by a lady police inspector, here the police lady took her into confidence and asked her if she really had trouble in the house, here she flatly told here that there was no trouble what soever, and i left the house on my own, had a minor quarrel in the house, and left the house in a fit of rage, also she mentioned that she has no  complaints against anyone whatsoever, and there was no forceful eviction from the house. this statement is in writing with the police with her signature,

my second post of not allowing me to come home is the second incident,  which took place in a residence which i took on rent on the insistance of my wife as she never wanted to live with my family, i took the rented accomodation and stayed with her seperately, but there was no one to look after my parents who are aged,  my brother is always away from the house, hence it is my duty to look after them due to which i visit them everyday, this irked my wife, and hence she started nagging deep in the night everyday that i stop coming home if i go to my parents, this went on for days together and i never used to get sleep at night due to this nagging, finaally i approached the womens cell myself and lodged an application to counsell mywife, but here to she appeared for the initial date and then remained abesent for future dates, she refused to come with me,  she wanted to come on her own. since she never appeared my conselling session was filled by the womens cell of the police. and then one day out of the blue she appeared and made fasle statements to the police and went away with her mother to her own place. i told her flatly in the written statement that i will be filling for divorce.

this is the entire situation madam..........hence place see both the sides of the coins before judging somebody

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