Dear Experts, need your suggestions/ views.
Background: I have been married for over a decade. I brought up in Tier 1 cities and my wife in Tier-3 city/ town. During marriage proposal my wife's father and others who made intermediated made tall claims about the my wife especially on her qualification and being very smart. once we gave our assent and Roka happened they took me and my family granted not showing due respect at the same time pretending to be very cultured and humble (like they won’t offer you to even sit at their home if you ask they would say ‘yeah sure’ and will disappear). During marriage also they treated all of us very badly. After marriage we moved to another city (Tier 1 city/ metro). Gradually I realized though she is MBA but her knowledge is very poor that when I asked to buy Ford Car, she first time heard that word though; and likewise many other things. I realized she is not up to the mark (in terms of knowledge, English, mannerisms, dressing sense, her intelligence, presence of mind) her english is very poor (though studied in english medium) that sometimes she cant read area/ locality name so I started guiding her, telling her to read books watch good channels and so on. She pretended as if she is putting efforts which she never. To show her that am not happy I used to talk point to point thos show that as if am not happy with her and that will prompt her to study. She used to cover up this by saying I don’t talk to her as she is not fair looking, her height is over, look is chubby, she has a mole and blah blah… Since she was not competent enough I never shared financials in details with her (because she had never experienced handling money). her father used to call me and ask my earnings, my parents earnings, siblings earnings and other assets and allocation which I never liked. She has two brothers who are 14-15 yrs younger than me but never gave me due respect instead get into arguments. I could see the fake feelings and respect in their (my in laws family) conduct.
Moving from bad to worse: the key and noticeable part is that my wife has home sickness (parents and siblings). We live in city which is far from her parents’ home. she keeps on looking for opportunity to go back to her home. To me she used to present her family in miserable conditions, asking me to help them financially (while her father is Govt officer). Every time she would talk about her family's illness (surprisingly all family members mother, father, brothers, sister if not then some other relatives), and their sufferings. Her parents keep on guiding her. what to do, how to do, and shockingly they told and made my realized that she is like a maid in the home since she doesn’t grip on financials and assets. Although I told her that when I will have confidence in you then definitely share all details because : 1. she lacks in understating/ handling of finance and 2. she shares all the details with her parents/ brothers/ sister. Even if i purchase shoe she would report that to her family.
My wife met with accident and broke her leg. My parent didn’t leave singe stone unturned. my mother used to clean her all wastes, vomiting... etc, my father even slept outside hospital on the ground under tree to ensure if something is needed he is available. I was into different city and I used to travel twice a month then finally I left job and came to the city where she was undergoing treatment. her parents didn't even call me, didn’t visit, didn’t offer help to me but over the phone to my wife showed all the helps and commitments. With grace of god within 6 months my wife started walking. It is noticeable that she told me that when doctors were cutting her plaster my father got emotional and tears rolled out (which shows my parents feeling towards her). When everything was fine her mother came to our home and took her stating some reason that one of their relative has terminal decease (which was true but they took that as an excuse to take her). My in laws family daily call her abruptly, any time and talks for hours and hours brothers, then sister, father mother then some relatives. Now my wife knows what i don’t like so she does what i don’t like but will to hide it or erase the texts/ images (let me clarify I don’t think she has any affair). I never do policing on her but i keep on telling that truth can’t be hide. Some or the other facts will surface itself. which happens and then she says I track her mobile and keep eye on her. Even i say something jokingly she would bloat it and make it a point. I seldom gift my in laws because of their insulting and rude behavior towards me, even if i gift they will keep it without uttering single word.
The Worst happed recently, we had a function at home and her brother came to take her up and said they would send her back just a day or two before function. I resisted and told we need her. Her brother left with empty hands. Her father called me up over phone and abused. I told this to my wife that her father seems not happy and abusing me. We planned to go in laws home (along with my wife so that she could give them some solace and explain that she has to stay until function). After going there my father/ mother in laws started shouting on me. Inside their home there was one outsider sitting with them, along with her two brothers. They first shut the door and began with dowry, they said am 1800 century man because i do not spend on them (on my in laws family), i attended their functions without contributing any money.... i do not give adequate money to my wife (ridiculously not even to buy inner wears while we go shopping malls once a month at least). I looked at my wife to support me and calm them down ..... Bang! My wife joined the rally side and blasted on me. She even accused me for the doings which she asked me to do, hold me responsible for the decision she took, she did herself.... I was shocked with that hidden face of my wife (though i knew she pretends Tobe PatiVrata but actually she is not)…. long story short , my father in law and brother in laws went up to the level of saying they would kill me and my parents. you can imagine what could have happened in between. Inside their locked house, surrounded by entire family and outsider they provoked me and recorded selective contents which they told me will use later in the court if needed.
After that from my home i called my wife she was sounding normal, then there was a pause for 10-15 minutes then she blasted on me (her mother was behind her) and after that she stayed back at their home. I called up her cousin brother who is well qualified but he politely took her favor. I called up her uncle to mediate, while i was calling her back but she asked (on her father, mother and advocate’s advice) me to apologies in writing. Which i resisted since i feel i am the victim because of tall claims made by her father before marriage which influenced me to give assent (even now her father says she is very very smart even more than me J ), i was the victim of insult and disrespect, i was sulking for over 10 years, lack of knowledge and her being dumb and even after my efforts and encouragement she just sit quietly and expecting me to fulfill all her dreams. Yet ,to settle the issue i wrote but something with word 'we both need improvement'. her parents were in other room so she consulted parents and advocate. Ultimately she gave that note written by me to her parents inside the room and in front of me torn off some other papers pretending as if she has torn of that written paper. This cheating hurt me to the core. That was the day when i stopped trusting her. Then finally i got call from police station first day police officer got convinced that i want her to learn she in fact telling my wife to do so. Then my mother + brother in law entered and narrated their own version while covering up/ not disclosing their wrong doings (that they threatened me and my parents). Next day lady officer called me and said i know what you say make sense but this is women police station we will go with women's claim even it is false :-O, Astonishing! My wife wrote 2-3 pages of complaint dictated by my mother in law wherein she stated that she has apprehension to go with me and if anything happened to her for that her husband (me ) and in laws (my parents) will be responsible (those in laws who even cleaned her excreta and vomiting). Just to clarify that she wrote this not because we did something with her in the past but to cover up and safeguard that we may retaliate after closed house verbal encounter which her parents did with me. I bow down in front of one sided law which (in my opinion) now becoming tool to extort money, get power, take revenge, balancing s*x ratio (as men end up with committing subside)... I could have handled this but due to biased law of 498A, DV and so on tied hands.
At Present we three (me my wife my daughter) live like a happy family as if nothing happened but i always feel like am sitting on the land mine or a time bomb which can blast any time and can claim at least 2-3 lives directly and 3-4 lives indirectly. 24 by 7 for 365 days am burning insight. I don’t feel like doing anything, my productivity in office has gone down. i don’t feel like talking to any one I get irritated and shout on others. I continuously thought of committing subside which i don’t want to because of my daughter. Due to this incident my parent's health (who used to be known for their good health) deteriorated within 2-3 months of this incident. Now Sugar and high/ low BP is common for them which they never had. We pretend to be happy i know we all (me my parents) have burning inside, its pinching. when i enter into home i count 1,2,3.. then start smiling and look jovial in front of my wife and daughter. but that is killing me inside i can’t live with dual face. The biggest issue is i don’t have habit of hiding my feelings or views. i always think that people should praise my wife and i always give her feedback, she learnt alot from me, she gets appreciations in her office on acting on my advice off course i criticize when it is to be ...i shout also (being human to release frustration) ...but i think it’s not good to be honest with anyone sharing feeling and views, as my wife is very good actor at one moment she would cry on the other if her friends come or she talks to her family she would laugh loudly... After that incident her friend told her that he looks more happy than earlier.
What to do now, how to live with a person whom i can’t trust (who can say anything to me, can do anything to me). i even touch her after her permission yet am doubtful she may say anything thing to me. While she continues to do same things like talking hours and hours to her siblings, parents, telling me lie, shouting on me, taking my money and spending at their parents’ home then showing if her parents have given that to her.... always favors her parent's side. she sometimes asks my income, investments assets and so ... while my parents stay away from me in other city but due to their recent illness i insisted and brought them to our place for treatment. i used to call her cousin brother to update (who is well qualified appears reasonable/ sober) but he politely said I have made her sister sick by guiding her too much, so now i should listen her whatever she demands and i should ask my parents to go back to their city. My mother is not able to walks properly, make food or do daily jobs properly how can i leave them alone.
What to do? Living with dual faced person i just want to get rid of my married life or teah her lesson but my daughter is my life i can’t live without her that holds me back from subside, when i leave from home to office i pray i meet with some accident and die.
I doubt in future they will exploit the police complaint and may ask for money and transfer assets in her name. Please suggest how can I flip the situation that she Actually feel attached to us and reduce or stop taking instructions from her parents.
