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confuzed123 (Assistant)     06 April 2013

Ex-husband harrassing over custody & visitation, pls. advise

Hi,

I am posting my prblm here with a hope that may be i'll find gud guidance and solution to my prblm.

To give you a complete picture:

>Divorce with mutual consent happened in 2009 with nil alimony/child support from him till date as he was jobless and i was employed with a govt. bank.

>It was a mututal understanding between him and me that i wont ask for any money from him and he wud let me live peacefully with my kids. I now realsie how foolish i was at that time. He had tortured and abused me but i just wanted to get away from him asap at any cost as i had no supprt. My own conservative parents were pressurising me to continue with him and i cudnt afford to live on my own.

>At that time, I took the physical custody as well as whole-sole financial responsibility for my 2 daughters, aged 10 and 8 as on date which continues till today. There was no mention of this in the divorce judgement/decree.

>Since then, I've been living with my kids at my parents place and also have been giving him full visitation rights and he talks to kids almost everyday over phone even though his attitude has been negative. e.g. telling daughters ...why cant ur mother do blah blah for u...she doesnt have enough time to spend with u..she gets such rubbish clothes for you..etc etc. trying to poison their minds. I've been ignoring this becoz of the non-supportive attitude of my parents. They say as long as u live here, we don't want him to come to our house to create tamasha of any kind in front of other ppl. And everytime i object to him swearing or shouting at me or misguiding the kids, he either shouts and threatens that i wil come to ur house right now and i'll see who can stop me from speaking to my kids. Once he also said that if u try to stop me frm seeing them, i'll just vansih with them, u wont even know where they went. Another time he also said i'll get you killd b*tch.. the story is unending. Anyway, moving forward...

> Now, due to personal (My parents will be moving to another city within next 6 mnths) and professional circumstances (I might get posted outside the city myself), it was not pssbl for me to continue the same schooling for my kids for this year. I gathered all my hard earned savings till date and got my kids admitted to a boarding school in another state without informing him as i feared that he might create problems for me.

>The kids are adjusting well in the new environment. I've directed the school authorities not to allow the father any access to the kids without my consent as I am afraid that might try to bias their minds again against me and the school which he as done on previous occasions. (WHen I told my kids that i was thinking of putting them in hostel because of the situations, they shared it with him innocently (he talks to them almost everyday over phone) and he filled up their minds with things like boarding schools are the worst place, kids there turn bad, ur mom is only thinking of her selfish reasons, tell her u wont got to hostel etc. etc. He even threatend me on many occasions.

> I am still a single divorcee, focusing on my job and kids after almost 6 yrs of separation, while he is now total 3 times married with still no wife living with him and mostly jobless, working hardly 6 mnths in a year with some call centers etc. Rest of the time he asks for money from his sis who works in the US for his own expenses.

FINALLY> I am all alone in this fight. Now that the kids are growing up, I strongly feel that the father's influence on them will only be negative as he doesnt accept his faults rather justifies them in front of kids and even provokes them against me who is doing so much for them. He has never given me a single penny for the kids even though it has been really financially tough for me. He can never be a gud example of an adult. 

MY QUESTION>>Now that I have taken this step of admitting my kids to boarding school in a 3rd state without his consent, am i under any legal obligation to reveal the details to him? What can he do against/ to stop this? What should i do to be prepared? Can I do something to ensure he is not able to disturb the kids and their studies and me living a peaceful life anymore?

I AM SORRY I'VE TYPED A REALLY LONG STORY TO GIVE U A COMPLETE PICTURE FRM BEGINNING.

LOOKING FWD TO UR GUIDANCE.... pls. help !!! THANKS IN ADVANCE.

NEELAM, NOIDA



Learning

 8 Replies

confuzed123 (Assistant)     06 April 2013

ALSO PLEASE TELL ME---

(1) Can i file a restraining order against him in advance so that kids can continue without his interferece in their day to day lives and i can also continue with my job peacefully?

 

(2) Which state can the whole and sole single parent custody case be filed and should I file it or wait for him to file it? I am in Noida, he is in Delhi, Kids are in Uttarkhand. If I let him file a case frst for interim visitation and speaking over phone rights and he wins the plea, the whole purpose of shielding kids frm his negative influence will be defeated.

 

(3) What can i do to stop his shouting, abusing, threatening etc. over the phone with me? 

 

(4) Can he file a police case against me for not letting him speak to kids or not telling him where they are?

 

THANKS A TON!

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     06 April 2013

you cannot obstruct his visitation rights but on the same time he cannot use these rights to the detriment of child or as an opportuinity to threten and hjumiliate you.

 

Irrespective of being ex-husband you can move police complaint for threatening and abusing against any male/female.

confuzed123 (Assistant)     06 April 2013

Thanku for ur reply Sudhir ji... what about the other questions of mine...

>> Which state can the custody case be filed and should I file it or wait for him to file it? I am in Noida, he is in Delhi, Kids are in Uttarkhand

>>  Can he file a police complaint against me for not letting him speak to kids or not telling him where they are?

 

THANKS Again!

srinivasa rao (advocate)     06 April 2013

Madam,

I read your problem in detail.Not as a lawyer but as a human being.i am suggesting the following. you have absolute right to complain against your ex-husband. when mutually divorsed,he is noway concerned with your personal issues.rush immediately to the police station and complian as he is spoiling your children's brains and in such a way harrsing you. your silence giving him scope to harass you more and more. 

while speaking over telephone with the children try to record the conversation of ex-husband and your children which helps you as a record and you can assess what extend your children are being spoiling by his conversation.

Wherever you go definately he will follow you and continue his harresment so try to defend him and at the same time try to fight against him by giving police complaint for which approach a compitent lawyer to give a good suggestion while writing complaint against your ex-husband.

While joining your children in a school,you inform to the school authorities the total real information regarding your ex-husband and inform them your real problem and request them to help you accordingly.

As your children are growing,always be in touch with your children and explain them what is good and what is bad and do not blame your ex-husband directly but try to explian the problems which were created by your ex-husband in an explanatory way but not as a complaining way definately your children will understand that how you are struggling for your children and how your husband torturing you.You must maintaine balance while tutoring your children dont inject that your husband is bad but indirectly try to inform how he is behaving.Good luck

B.Srinivas Rao

Advocate

9948563635

1 Like

Mango (Consultant)     06 April 2013

Grand salute to you for the way you're handling your kids... In Indian society, there are only few divorced couples left who really think about their kids... Since HE is out of options so he could potentially try to harm you in one way or another...

His financial condition is miserable so I don't think so that he will run-by to any lawyer... Don't worry about what he says to your kids... Even kids know who is right and who is wrong... Probably, they do NOT have a good father but they got a great mother. All, I know is that truth will always come out finally... Thanks!

Mango

1 Like

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     06 April 2013

your balance questions:

>> Which state can the custody case be filed and should I file it or wait for him to file it? I am in Noida, he is in Delhi, Kids are in Uttarkhand

 

Ans :At anhy of three places.

>>  Can he file a police complaint against me for not letting him speak to kids or not telling him where they are?

 

Ans : yes.

1 Like

confuzed123 (Assistant)     08 April 2013

Thanks a ton for the guidance you provided - Sudhir ji & Srinivas Rao ji !!

Lastly, would u suggest that i find a lawyer and file for a solo legal custody for my kids immediately or let him start the police case/ legal proceedings?

 

Thanks & Regards!

srinivasa rao (advocate)     11 April 2013

madam,

your exhusband has no chances to take any legal action against you. Go ahead.

thanks

b. srinivasa rao

advocate

9948563635


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