Help me in taking a right decision,
nandini
(Querist) 25 May 2013
This query is : Resolved
Hi am nandini..born and bought up in hyd. Am from a middle class family. Like evey normal girl..i loved a guy who is also from a middle class family. Once am done with my graduation i introduced him to my mom and dad though my mom initially supported me later she got influenced by dad and she also stopped supporting me and later my dad got a proposal for me and that guy is from bangalore.... As i didnt wanted to hurt my parents with heavy heart i said ok to marry that guy....we got engaged in the month of july and marraige date was fixed for the month of november. There was a gap of 5 months and i seriously wanted to go according to my parents and marry with the guy whom they selected.
I started building a wrapo with that guy, but some where in my heart i was crying like hell because i loved someother guy and was not able to forget him and even he loved me very much and he was also suffering a lot which i came to know from his friends.
Marraige date was nearing finally i couldnt control and i bursted out and started begging my dad and mom to stop the marraige but they reacted very rudely and started blackmailing me that they will kill them selves later i tried to tell everything to the guy with whom i was engaged he also started loving me very much till that time.....as soon as i told this to him that i dont want to marry him and i love some other guy he also started crying and beggig me not to stop the marraige..... He initially told that he cant foret me later next reason he gave stating that his dad is a heart patient and if this marraige is stoped his dad's life will be in danger...15 days left for the marraige and i was in a such a pressure that didnt know wat to do....one side the guy who loved me was crying like hell and begging be not marry other side my parents pressure and on the other hand the guywith whom i got engaged was literally crying..... I came to conclusion that i should make the guy with whom i got engaged should only cancel the marraige from his heart and one day infront of my dad i told him "see i will marry u but on few conditions 1) i will not stop speaking to the person whom i love neither i can forget him sorry that i didnt tell all these things initially but still its not too late alsowe will stop this, marraige
2) Untill unless i forget him i will not be able to accept u as my husband in all ways....it may take 1year or two years.
If these conditions are ok for u then im ready to marry you.... He agreed for everythng i was blank and didnt know wat to decide and said ok for marraige.
We got married and didnt stop speaking with the guy whom iloved. Daily my husband used to suffer a lot because of this and many disturbances started
The main mistake that i did again here is as i was also not able to see my husband suffering and i was also not able live without the guy whom i loved i wanted to solve this. So i told everything to my father-inlaw everything. Iexpected some sought of positive support from him but the situation got completely changed and finally it lead to family wise disturbances..my in laws family insulted me and my parents like hell. It creared more hatred in my heart against my husband and my in laws....i was kept in my in laws place for a period of a month(it was like house arrest for me) later with great struggle they sent me to my husbands place. He thought everythng is fine and i will start loving him and will give him the husbands position which i couldnt do from my heart. But yes physicall relation ship started btweem me and my husband from that time. I concieved but faced miscarraige. I didnt stop talking with that guy i was not in a position to forget him i hided everything abt my pregnancy and miscarraige and we both used talk.... Myhusband didnt know abt this secret contact. We used to talk daily on phone. With all the past experience and family disturbances we frequently used to fight a lot and there was hell lot of disturbances in our family life later for more than a year i didnt allow my husband to touch me which again created friction btween me and my husband we were never happy and finally both decided to take mutual divorce and it happend and now i am leaving with the guys family whom i loved and their family also accepted me as they dont know anything abt me...also my husband doesnt know that i am staying with that guy...he has now started calling me and now he wants to patch up with me... But now i dont know wat to do....frankly telling i would have been very happy withmy husband if i could have stopped my contact with the other guy and now i am staying with the guy whom i love along with his family but not able to adjust with his moms mentality. As i am already in a depression not able to able to adjust with his 55 years old moms mentaliti.. I also need some happiness in my life and space in lie....i have faced soo many difficulties and want a peacefull life and now again my husband wants to cum back in mt life...... Plssssss suggest me the correct way.....
nandini
(Querist) 25 May 2013
Also wat i am feeling now is that the guy whom i love will take a very long time to understand me and i dont have gutts to take a second chance (marraige) to marry this guy so easily after knowing that he dont even understand me and dont know wat i am.
My husband is a very simple person family oriented for him i am everything and for this guy also i am eveything as per him but i never felt till today that i am everyhthng for him, he always enjoy spending time with his frnds, team outng, cricket is passion......frnds frnds frnds...he dont enjoy spending time with me
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 25 May 2013
this is a legal advise forum and you are at a wrong place.
none can advise you to take a right decision as you are specialising in wrong decisions
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 25 May 2013
U mean you divorced ur husband MCD, and remarried with your lover??
What is ur status now? married or single??
where do you reside? with whom??
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 25 May 2013
consult local lawyer.
K.K.Ganguly
(Expert) 25 May 2013
You are demanding peace in life after taking such chronically faulty decisions which caused devastation on other's lives.
For a change, may you not atleast start thinking about being a cause of peace to others?
Do yo have any idea, what a shock your earlier FIL had after you had disclosed about your fiancee to him?
What was his fault? After all he has a nice & gentle son whom he gave to you in marriage in utmost good faith.
nandini
(Querist) 25 May 2013
i have seen each and every ones pain and now also as u said i am not demanding peace in my life ...i don't want to trouble anybody...that is the reason i am here..i didn't marry the person whom i love now i am single. But both want me...tell me if u can please suggest me what to do which can at least change others life who are suffering from me. I have got my punishment for what i have done and still i am in that punishment stage...i am leading my life with a great pain...
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 25 May 2013
Surrender to your wedded husband,
Love him, his family and forget your lover, who have [both have] no right legally or morally to keep any relation whatsoever. Lead Royal religious Road to happiness, peace. No pain. scarify to receive peace.
Illegal relaionship lead you to this state of life. Now change your views, and action
nandini
(Querist) 25 May 2013
But i have given hopes to the guy whom i loved and now i am staying with his family ... how should i dump him for the second time ...he trusted me ..how to manage him
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 25 May 2013
After marriage, extra marital relationship cannot be tolerated by any one though such relation may have trusted upon you. You should chose one side only and should stick to it.
nandini
(Querist) 25 May 2013
i didn't maintain any extra marital affairs with any body... i used to talk to that guy in phone that's it after marriage neither i met him he came to my place...i used to stay in bangalore and he used to stay in hyderabad...
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 25 May 2013
If facts told by you are correct then convince your partner by way of your act and conduct and win his confidence.
nandini
(Querist) 26 May 2013
whom should i convince? my husband or the person whom i loved????
K.K.Ganguly
(Expert) 26 May 2013
1. You loved some body but did not marry him. Wrong decision,
2. You married some body but did not love him. Wrong decision,
3. You married some body you did not love or did not marry the person you loved based on your parents insistance. They wished you to forget your fiancee. It is also required for you to forget your fiancee since you agreed to marry your husband. You did not forget him but ensured that your husband knows about your love affair & still carries on the relationship with you as husband. Wrong and brutal decision,
4. Now you are with your lover without the knowledge of your husband when you are legally married to him. Wrong decision and illegal act. Your fiancee may be in trouble for your this decision,
5. You had concieved but did not diisclose it to your fiancee. Wrong decision again.
6. With the back ground of so may wrong decisions for which two men and your parents suffered, you should now follow the path what is legally correct.
Stay with your parents. Decide if you want divorce from your husband. If he agrees go for MCD. Take advantage of his unconditional love on you. After that, marry your fiancee after disclosing about your conception, if you want to marry him.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 26 May 2013
Ganguly has clearly exposed your whole story so it shall be easy now to take a thoughtful decision for ever.
