My wife dont like to stay with me due to pressure from her mother
Kamal
(Querist) 08 August 2013
This query is : Resolved
I married 5 years back. First one year, I lived with my wife in a rented house. The same city, wife house located. We are both employed. First one year was happy. When she leave to her home for delivery, she and her parents invited me to live in their home. Two years, I lived in her house with her parents and her brother.
Problems started soon, when we started living in her home. I could observed that my wife behaviour to me was so rude with the presence of her parents. She started to scolding without specific major causes. She started to sleep with her mother in night. After midnight (1pm) she arrive to bedroom and sleep again. Her parents encouraged her. She was reluctant to visit my home in my native place and bring kid to my home. My wifes mother started to put her nose in our personal matters too. I felt so irritated. I warned her against it, but no use.
My wife got mothers share of property and We build a home there. The property is near to wifes home. We both shared money and build home.
In that moment, I got another job and shifted to my native place. Wife stayed at her home. At that time they rented the home without informing me. They didnt informed me anything about advance amount and rent etc. All things controlled by her parents. I visited two or three times in a week to wife and kid. She started quarrel these days.
After one year her job shifted near to my native place. We started living in my home with my mother and father. Our kid started to go to a school near my home. After one month, she started quarrel by complaining about travelling problems to her office. Her office is 25 km from home and lot of buses to that place. She complained to her parents and they come bring back kid and my wife. She started to stay in a hostel near her office. And stopped all communications. After 3 months, we compromised through a friend. She demanded that, rent a house near her office and stay together. I rented a home near her office and started living. That time she got pregnant and her parents started to visit home to take care her matter. At that time, she again started to hate me in the presence of her parents. I found that, her mother give her lot of mental pressure. As the result, she behaves cruel to me. She aborted 4th month and went to her home by taking medical leave. I visited her home and meet her frequently when she is taking rest. Few months before the end of medical leave, she telephoned me and told that, she will not return to the rented house and asked me to vacate the house. She also asked me to dont try to contact me her again. If anything to talk, contact with her parents. She started to commute from her home to her office (150 km one side by train). She terminated all communications with me last 3 months. Kid (4yrs) also reluctant to call me.
My father tried to talk with her parents when she left my home first time. Then, they used bad words to my father. So he is reluctant to talk with her parents again. I am in a dilemma. I strongly think that, her mother give pressure on my wife so she act according their decision. Her father has no voice in the home. He is a silent man.
I am in a dilemma, what I do?
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 08 August 2013
Your wife is also mature enough to understand the situation. Without her consent the situation can not happen. Since no legal step has been taken by her till date , try to get a job at place of her office. Probably she may not be feeling easy to live there with kids who need better care and more time. Try to find out the root of her step and if possible solve the matter amicably and save the marriage.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 08 August 2013
consult a marriage counsellor . since your wife has a small kid she finds it difficult to travel long distance and look after house too . if talks for compromise fail fail file for divorce
Dr. Jyothi Vishwanath
(Expert) 08 August 2013
Wait and watch. She being woman and working, understands all. What is good for her and what she must do. You be cool and carry on till she realises her mistake. You stop all communication with her. Be strong hearted. Change your mobile number. She will come back running to you.
Kamal
(Querist) 09 August 2013
Whenever we lived together I arranged all things for her smooth house chorus. And we shared all works at home. And I take care all matters of the kid. Our rented home was 3 km away from office. Even though, she made quarrels for simple matters. I observed that she has no confidence to live with husband and kid and take responsibilities.
She started to stay in a hostel near her working place, after she run away from me first time. She started affair with an old boy friend, They started dirty conversations through telephone and facebook. In evening time and working time.
When we live together in second time, she continued the dirty communications (through SMS) without knowing me. She hide this friendship from me. I got some clues. She planned to meet him in a distant place without informing me by pretending to go for a training. She arranged all things for the travel. She suddenly informed me about the travel at evening, day before the travel. I accompanied her. Their plan collapsed. We returned home. I hacked her FB chat and recovered her deleted SMS history without knowing her. I startled. I questioned her about it. She beat around the bushes and scolded me. I showed the evidence of communications. She had no answer. I warned her boy friend. He left. After this incident, she behaved to me more rude.
When these incidents took place, she was pregnant (second time pregnancy). I warned her don't repeat this again. I forgot all things and life become normal again. After three months, her pregnancy aborted. And she left home for taking rest. One week before the medical leave expire, informed me that she will not come back to me. And dont try to contact with her. Then, she invited her old boy friend and started the communications. But this time their conversations was not bad like before.
I informed her brother about it with evidence. Her brother, replied me through telephoned using bad words. She asked her boy friend to scold me. And her boy friend also, warned me against sent the their communications details to her brother!! I think that her parents didn't warned her about the relationship with boy friend. Now she is publicizing among her friends that I am very suspicious on her, so she left me. And she accused that I was also torturing her.
This is the second time she run away from me. I strongly believes that she is not serious about life. She don't know how to keep justice in relationship. I requested her close friends to inspire her to attend counselling.
If she is not willing to attend counsellings what I do? I observed that after talking with her close friends. Her plan is to live with parents using my tag as a husband. File an RCR can help to know her decision? Court arrange a counseling?
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 09 August 2013
Filing any suit from your side, fear is that she may start no. of other matrimonial suits (DV act, maintenance, 498A etc.) which may turn you a commuter to courts. Better wait and watch for some time as advised by the experts.
prabhakar singh
(Expert) 09 August 2013
It is true that you seem to be aggrieved but
if you look for remedy through court,her counter blasts .as told by Mr. Rajendra K Goyal ,may put you in even greater agonies.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 12 August 2013
Only problem is you have a child. The illicit relations will not long last. Time will come that she will realize her mistake. Do not give any importance to her behaviour. Just ignore it. Do not keep communication. You can go and see your child once in a while if you feel like seeing the child. She must understand that you are not craving for her and still you will accept her if she comes on her own. It is unfortunate that you inlaws are encouraging her behaviour. You should not bother about the rentals, property etc., which is joint and your inlaws stakes are there.
Keep evidence in tact so that if she goes to court, you can use it. After a considerable gap, you can use your common friends and well wishers to counsel her. Whether the so called boy friend is married or unmarried? You should not keep any direct contact with him. He is in advantageous position and satisfying his lust. Once the lust is satisfied, he will leave on his own.
Kamal
(Querist) 12 August 2013
Thank you for the reply. I feel confident now. The boy friend is unmarried.
Dr. Jyothi Vishwanath
(Expert) 12 August 2013
If you want to save marriage, also find out from her what makes her divert towards her boy friend when she has a child. try to remove such defects from the marriage...
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 13 August 2013
Since the boy is unmarried, this relation will not last long. Sooner he will get married and quit from the life of your wife. She will understand what is life. Till then you wait and see.
Guest
(Expert) 10 December 2014
Well Attended
