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Nikki Popat (I.T)     05 December 2013

Advice on possible divorce

I am writing regarding my uncle who lives in Gujarat. This is his and his wife's second marriage. They have been married for about 12 years now and have one 7 year old daughter. They are currently living in the same house.
Ever since they got married, his wife has been argumentative and has outbursts of rage. On many occasions, she has gone to live with her parents who have then brought her back promising that she will behave properly. Each time my uncle has given her another chance. After she had a daughter, she changed completely. She has become more and more argumentative. My uncle loves his daughter and till now has stayed with his wife for the sake of the daughter.
Recently his wife has become uncontrollable. She has become abusive. She even abuses my elderly grandmother who lives with them and is over 90 years old and bed-ridden. Recently so much that my grandmother has begged my other uncle to let her live with him. I have heard that she even showed my grandmother a knife recently. Her own daughter starts trembling when she starts shouting. She also threatens her daughter if she misbehaves.
My uncle can't ask his wife even a simple question as she will start shouting which develops into a rage of anger where she becomes uncontrollable, sometimes for hours. Recently, she bought a new smartphone mobile and my uncle asked where she bought it from. She has been arguing continuously for 5 day regarding this one question. When she starts arguing, she shouts so much and starts to bang the doors and even goes out into the street and walks up and down shouting abuse at all hours of the day, sometimes even in the middle of the night. All the neighbours are so tired of hearing this shouting every day, that they have all started complaining and threatened to call the police. A normal person does not act like this. We suspect that she has a mental problem but have no evidence apart from her behaviour.
They are no longer invited to functions for fear that she may go into a rage as this has happened on many occasions. She acts like this in public as well as at home, therefore there are many witnesses to this behaviour.
This has started to affect my uncle's heath who's diabetes has gotten out of control due to the stress. He works as a civil engineer and it has started affecting his job as he is making mistakes due to his mental stress. Due to his health, he wants to retire early, but he can't because he doesn't want to stay at home all day with his wife. She shouts at him while he is eating and sleeping that on many occasions he feels he can't come home. Sometimes for peace and quiet, he goes to sleep in the temple at night.
My uncle has never denied her of anything. He gives her money when she asks for it, but even then she steals money from him and sells the rations and items from the house. She asked for him to buy her new gold necklace to wear for a family wedding. He took her to a gold shop where she started shouting at him in front of everyone. She always wants to put him down.
She lies about everything even to her own parents. She tells them he doesn't buy her any clothes, but the tailor is always asking my uncle for money for her new outfits which he pays without question. She tells her parents that he doesn't buy her any food, but she is always eating outside, and has put on so much weight that no one can say she is not being fed.
She has started doubting him recently. She thinks he has kept another women which is not true. She follows him around everywhere even at work. She often calls his colleagues at work to ask about him. Recently she has started turning his own daughter against him by telling her lies about her father. She is teaching her daughter to lie and steal money. The daughter  is becoming argumentative like her mother that she no longer has any friends in school. The daughter's teacher said she is behind in school. This is due to the home life. The wife's behaviour is affecting everyone.
My uncle wants to leave all his property and earnings in the name of his daughter as she is his only child, but he doesn't trust his wife.
Many family elders and village members have tried to talk to her about her behaviour but she doesn't listen to anyone. They have also tried mediation a few times, but that hasn't helped.  
My uncle, for the sake of his own sanity and his health told his wife he wants to divorce her but she said she will only leave if he buys her a new house for her to live alone with her daughter. My uncle wants to put his daughter in boarding school to keep her away from her mother, but his wife refuses. She is also demanding half of all his earnings as well as half of his properties.
She has never acted like a wife and we suspect she has married him for his money as we have also heard this from others. She has misbehaved since she got married. She never does any housework, and she is always unreasonable. Her behaviour is getting worse day by day.
My uncle is willing to keep providing for the daughter, but doesn't think the wife deserves anything. Considering all this, if they did get divorced, would my uncle still be required to give his wife half of what he owns?


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 12 Replies

Laxmi Kant Joshi (Advocate )     05 December 2013

1. Before taking any action take your aunt to the doctor for her proper health check up , physical as well as mental and give her time to recover from that , and go to the advise given by the doctor if she is mentally or physically ill . 2. your uncle can take divorce from her on the ground of mental cruelty , they have to pay maintenance amount to her wife as she is not working or has no earning for her maintenance .
1 Like

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     05 December 2013

1.  She needs psychological treatment and should be consulted.

2.  If she can be recoverable from mental problem, he should help her  in recovery.  Otherwise, he can file divorce petiton on the ground of cruelty.

3.  Even against her consent, if the daughter wants, he should send her boarding school, so that the daughter can concentrate her studies and occasionally visit her ailing mother and her father.

1 Like

Hardeep (Business)     05 December 2013

Agree with Mr. Joshi. Mental instability is a disease and once established can ease up/ become considerably controllable with proper treatment.  Such people have to be handled with care and concern, just like you would another sick person. Considering your uncle has lived with her for 12 odd years now and there is a daughter too such concern seems to be a better way out presently.

Re Mental Disorder  as a ground for Divorce it has to be incurable and at such a kind that the couple can not be expected to live together. So anyways, such status and its incurability will have to be established first.

1 Like

Nikki Popat (I.T)     05 December 2013

Recently. my uncle's friends' wife tried to talk to her regarding her behaviour as she is getting our of control, but she replied saying that she will continue acting this way, therefore she is perfectly aware of her actions. She knows that my uncle has a heart condition, insulin dependant diabetes and high blood pressure, all of which are worse with stress and could cause him to have a heart attack or stroke, but she is not at all sympathetic about this.

My uncle recently also spoke to his wife's aunt who has known her since she was young and she told my uncle she has always been like this. My uncle also doesn't know the real reason that she got divorced from her first husband, as her parents told him that they were not giving her food and mistreating her.  

I will definitely tell my uncle to take her to be assessed by a doctor. She often goes for a physical check up, but she definitely needs to be mentally assessed. At least after that we'll know for sure. I don't think it will be easy as I know she will refuse to go and also she knows how to 'act sweetly' in front of some people that unless they know her personally and see her in one of her outbursts, you'd think she was perfectly normal.

Once the wife locked my grandmother in the toilet, when my mother asked the daughter quietly who locked her in, she said ''My dad did it.'' Her dad was at work and wasn't even home.

Another thing is that when she goes into her rage, she starts shouting ''He's beating me, he's throwing me out of the house'', when in fact my uncle is nowhere near her. I've witnessed this first hand. She often threatens to call the police. He usually leaves the house as this is the best thing to do otherwise she doesn't calm down. I'm afraid that she might make false allegations against my uncle as she has often said to him ''I will put you in jail.'' As she has taught her daughter to tell lies, she could use her as a witness.

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     05 December 2013

This female needs a medical attendance especially regarding mental health, but it will take a very long time to cure this depression, and such depressions cannot be guaranteed to become alright even after continuous treatment because firstly such characters will not cooperate with the medical attendant or with the treatment and instead they may feel insulted for being treated as a mentally affected person.  For the purpose of divorce,you may obtain a certificate about your mental health and as advised by some gentlemen above, if the daughter is not willing to live with you, she may be accommodated in any boarding school by producing the medical certificate of her mother.

1 Like

Nikki Popat (I.T)     06 December 2013

This lady is definitely the kind of person who will not cooperate. She overreacts about trivial matters, I can imagine she will create a scene at the mere suggestion of a mental check up and will end up resenting my uncle even more.

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     07 December 2013

If she will not cooperate for the medical checkup also, then the only alternative is to file a divorce case on mental cruelty only.  In that the pleadings should include the real fact namely she overacts/reacts to even simple issues or no issues and all her psycho activities.  In the pleadings it should also be mentioned that if need be she should be referred to a psychiatrist, but the grounds should be on cruelty, in the mean time collect all evidences against her 

1 Like

gautam (not disclosed)     09 December 2013

am surprised nobody advised to take video/audio recordings of outbursts, it could prove very very useful in contested divorce case to prove mental cruelty, and a strong case to be referred to the psychiatrist.

1 Like

K.K.Ganguly (Advocate)     09 December 2013

1. From what has been described at leanth by you  about your aunty, it appears that she needs immediate medical attention,

 

2. If she does not co-operate to go to the Doctor, there are ways by which psychiatrists manage to check their wild patients, Contact a Psychiatrists

 immediately.

 

3. Arrange for medical treatment first. A normal person can not behave the way she is behaving as per your statement,

 

4. If all steps taken by your Uncle to change her her fails, he can file a divorce suit on the ground of cruelty after collecting evidence like audio recordings etc.,

 

5. The Court will decide on the amount of alimony or even the amount of maintenance to be paid to her which is generally 1/3rd of  his monthly earling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Like

Nikki Popat (I.T)     10 December 2013

Sirs, I will definitely tell my uncle to start collecting solid evidence as you suggested. 

 

My uncle and mother are brother/sister and but we live abroad and come to India once a year due to work commitments which is why it is difficult for us to help and there is no one else willing to get involved. We are due to come to India in the next few months, so I will tell my uncle to start her medical check-up before we come.

 

Last year when we came, the maid came to see my mother and started crying saying that my aunt is torturing my grandmother so much and she feels so sorry for her and pleaded with my mother to take my grandmother with her. My grandmother is bedridden and can't even travel a short distance, how could we bring her back with us? Because of this worry of my grandmother, by mother is also stressed and has high blood pressure because she is feeling helpless.

 

Due to my aunt's behaviour, my uncle has become a very nervous person and has told my mother that he doesn't want to live anymore. He has in the past talked of suicide, which is why we are concerned for him.

 

As I mentioned, his diabetes has got out of control due to this stress that it has started affecting his legs. Two years ago, he was hospitalised for this and was not working for 6 months. He had to have physiotherapy to be able to walk again. Even in this state, my aunt was torturing him and he would start to cry as he could not walk away from her as he normally does. His legs still become numb and he is walking with a slight limp now. He wants to retire early due to this but is not doing so because of my aunt.

 

Sir you mentioned that he would have to pay her generally 1/3 of his earning, but what if he were to stop working?

 

Many thanks

gautam (not disclosed)     11 December 2013

check if he can prove medical reasons to opt for early retirement.

in that event, his income will be nil and maintenance will be calculated on the basis of his assets

K.K.Ganguly (Advocate)     11 December 2013

The latest view of the Apex Court is  'You beg or borrow, you shall have to maintain your family'.


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