Are working married women really financially independent?

I agree with you Roshni.

there is a no independence of earning woman. when i was earning at my inlaws home.they took all my salary & did not give me my earned money for even my expences. i was asked to bring all my needed things from my parents' home.

& i was helping my father in his business. & after marrige i was not allowed for that.it was like earn money only for us & spend money of your father but dont earn money for him.

Nice article to debate.

Once u decide to enter into the institution of marriage, the question of MY MONEY, HIS MONEY, HER MONEY, HIS PARENTS, MY PARENTS shud nt come in between. Trust & affection shud be deep enough to submerge these feelings. The boys/girls who nurture these feelings are not living in true matrimony.........my view

i agree.

but i raised this issue becoz in most indian families,DIL is pressurised to hand over her salary to in-laws.you cannot force a person to love u or respect u under pressure.whereas in her own house,she may hand over her salary to her parents out of love,as they have nurtured her all her life.herein lies the difference.

if in-laws are so loving like parents,why do most of them rebel when they get to know that their laadli "daughter" wants to financially support her parents?is this their true love?

I agree with @roshni to some extent beacuse the situation you are explaining is in joint families and usually during starting days of marriage ,in-laws expect a lot and frame there own rules.to show to youth that they are the controllers and law framers.But things change after kids and years pass by.When a woman is questioning about her financial independance,or if the thought arised,then its sure that frame work is done in her brain,how to break these rules.

It depends upon individual woman how she handle her family,if she is mentally a supressed creature than it is 'she' herself letting the strings in other's hand.we can work these things ,first in between the couples and then letting the family know.

A very good question: galsober has raised a great point.I don't think we should be talking about this as if this is happening in all families-because it is not.

1) Parents have made sacrifices, usd their well earned money on trying to educate their sons, taken risks, cut back or complete forego vacation and other enjoyments in life. Now that he is married to a woman should the son completely neglect them? Should they be left to fend for themselves? Since their bank balance and their support structures could be meagre and their expenses including but not limited to medical is growing as they get older!

2) The same may apply to daughter in law and her parents as well. However if a wife is BSc and husband is BE could you say that their parents have spent equal money- maybe not! If husband's parents are in the beginning  poor or middle class maybe their percentage of spending on their son is far highre. This almost prevents any savings or may in fact they maybe in debt. Now which parents are better off?

3) Now wife in many families may control the money. The parents of husbands are left holding a coconut shell! Is that acceptable?

The discourse seems focussed on wife and daughterin law. The NCW and MCD wants everything to move around this. But hell there are other people in the country-hello!!!!

4) All right wife is earning and husband is earning-the question is shouldn't each control part of the money individually to help their own goals such as supporting their respective parents?

The dynamics are not that simple. The question raised could be relevant in some families but in others the wife/ daughter in law is the tyrant. We cannot let those go unaddressed!

How about the wife/ daughter in law then filing false cases of domestic violence and 498a?

Now the other question is-are men who earn independent? On one hand wife wants to control the money, then on the other mother and father  in law, then their own parents and hell even their daughters later. So can you say men who earn and educated are independent?

That is why we need prenuptual contract-not agreements but contracts in India! Define everything right from the start so neither husband nor wife may abuse each other!

what is being independent?

my wife is working in a big firm and earns a more than decent package. Me and my family had a lot of dreams when I got married to her. We were looking forward to good future as the famly's income would almost double with an additional member in the family.

we had so many dreams

1. my brother's education abroad

2. my sister's marriage.

3. finally a home for my parents who have done so much for me

but she bluntly refused to contribute to any of the above. She wanted to have a lavish and comfortable lifestyle for us at Bangalore and that her salary is to be used only for us in Bangalore. She even refused to take up the responsibility of helping with my personal loans which I had taken only for our wedding expenses.

she says I am free to give as much as I want to my parents. b*tch..she knows most of my salary goes away into savings for our future...so my old parents and young brother and sister are left to their fate and me being their son can do absolutely nothing for them..,While they suffer in misery and struggle for every paise, I was living in a lavish home with that b*tch...you can only imagine how painful it is....I was so depressed and fights came up...

my six months of marriage with her have literally been hell..

and now this lady just like everybody else has filed a fake 498A and DV on me...and these stupid biased indian laws say that a guy should give girl the maintenance...but they completely fail to mention the responsibility of the girl towards the in-laws...isnt it the responsibility of the girl to accept husband's family as hers own............................would her behavior be the same if it were for her parents

She is correct in doing so.

She has no obligation towards your brothers/sisters and their dreams. She has no obligation to your parents to build a home etc. She is obligated to spend money towards you, the family expenses if you live separately or a portion of her salary if she is staying with you in your parents place etc She must contribute to pay bills in the house and so are you.But, provide for your brother and sister is not her obligation but your parent's and your's if you want to. But although she is working if she fails to contribute towards your home expenses while she spends money lavishly on her brothers and sisters-then that is a problem. If she spends on her brothers and sisters after she meets her obligation towrds current family expenses and future needs then that is her prerogative.

If you want to help your parents and brother/ sister then you need to get job/  skills to make more on your own.

This I think was just a scenario created for an argument-nothing more. If you seriously think your wife has that kind of responsibility/ obligation-then I do not agree with that.

a wife has the money and she saves it in her savings account for an interest rate of 3% pa whereas the husband to fulfil his family needs borrows from people for an interest rate of 3%pm....

are you telling me this is right...

whatever, I am saving for our future will be used by both of us or our kids only right....I am not going to use it up only for my own personal expenses or my own self then...so why should she not help with my expenses now...

some one here said, once you get married, there should be no my money and your money, there should be no my responsbilities and your responsibilities...they all become ours...

I am not telling her to go and bring any money from her parents...I am only asking her to give whatever is left in her salary after spending on us in Bangalore...but everytime I ask, she act as if i am begging her for money and shows so much attiyude and insult me...

if she were in my place, I would have defnitely helped her...

My friend, you have all the rights to seek to use her income for you and your children's expenses.But that right does not extend to your brothers, sister or parents. She can do so voluntarily. You don't have any obligations to spend on her parents, brothers, sisters etc, do you? You can insist on views as to how her savings should be used on the future of you, her and the kids.She can do the same.

Your parents can take a loan or your brothers and sisters can take a loan for their dreams. You can even take a loan from your wife after you have a loan agreement. But expecting a freebie? No, that is not acceptable..

But if she is hoarding money for her personal or her parent family use without any contribution to you, your children and maintenance of household where she lives, then you got a point. Remember, her parents have spent and made sacrifices to raise her, to educate her and that is why she is a earning member in the first place. Hope that helps!

I waited a lot to reply to your post...I wanted to see how other guys on LCI who are all supposedly innocent male victims of legal terrorism react to you... 

I thought that would also gimme an idea of the number of the guys here who are really innocent...and I kinda got my answer...

@Raghav,

"if she were in my place, I would have defnitely helped her..."

you wouldnt have married her at all if haer family was in a situation worse than yours...you only married her for her money...and YES...you are indeed begging your wife for money...if you have any self-respect and are really a man then help your family yourself...what do you mean you are saving for your future...doesnt your wife have a right to save too...you are being cheap and are really cheap...

you want to save your money and use hers' to fulfil your family needs and btw, education ABROAD, a new house and sister's marriage are not needs...they are demands...your brother can study here in india and pass out ith good grades...but no,,,you want him to study abroad and earn in dollars and that too with your wife's money...your parents can continue to live in a comfortable cosy rented accomodation or they can come and join you but no they want to build a home for themself and live there and that too again on your wife's money...

and fnally your sister's marriage...aren't you ashamed of asking your wife to help you with it...you can perform her wedding on a small scale with whatever you have instead of going for a grand wedding with your wife's money..however, if you dont even have enough for that, then you should be asking your sister to work and help bearing the expenses...after all the wedding is for her...what has your wife got to do with your sister's wedding...

wonder where are all those who are against these biased women laws who dont see the sisters and mother of the husband as a woman too...the same people who comment on women asking for maintenance...dont you find anything wrong with this sister and this brother?

and now to conclude legally...

1. you do not have a right to ask your wife for even a single paise not even for your houseld expenses...they are to be borne by you. (and before the cribbers start again...the reason for this law is to only prevent women from guys like you who treat women like an source of income)

2. you have a right to ask your parents to come and live with you

and to comclude on a personal and human note...

1. you can only ask your wife to SHARE your household expenses...that too only if you had not taken any dowry/streedhan before marriage...if she has brought some money with her and/or has brought streedhan for like TV, fridge etc which are required for your new home...then you cannot ask her to share the expenses for initial few days/months accordingly as she has already contributed hwe share for the household...but you cannot expect your wife to competely bear the household expenses...no matter what...

2. It is up to her as to what she wants to do with whatever money is left after this...you can just watch her habbits and if you think she wasting it or using is unwisely, you can suggest and advice her to save it for future and retirement...but if she is a saver and is making wise investments...then you are actually a lucky guy...

3. you can ask your parents and the rest of entire family to move in with you..this will help you a lot with your finances...but dont expect your wife to then share the household expenses equally then...but if your parents are not willing to move out of the place wherever they are living, its not her problem...

4. your wife doesnt have a right to refuse to live with your parents unless she has some major issues...things will depend on at what stage such issues come-up and what kind of issues come-up and who is at fault for it...accordingly you will need to come up wth a solution...

5. please ask your brother to stuy hard and get into a good colege in india and pass out with good grades...he will have a very bright future....Indian institutes are quite good and they do offer bright future...there's nothing much to studying in US except for expenses...however, if your brother is adamand about it, then he better study harder to get a scholorship or may be get a part-time job instead of depending on your wife...you have not mentioned for studying what he wants to go abroad...but if it for MS or some other PG..then he can also get a regular job, work for an year or so, save, and then go abroad chasing his dream...

6. You have not mentioned how old your brother and sister are...but if her wedding expenses is really bothering you so much...then you can ask your sister to get a job and start saving...you can may be wait for an year or two till your brother too settles down and then you both can contribute and have a grand wedding ceremony of your sister...but dont depend on your wife it...have some self-respect...you may also consider post-p*rning your brothers abroad travel plans until you are donw with your sister's wedding...

7. you can stop saving for your future and spend it all on your family...your wife will not have a right to quesion you on this...you can ask your wife to ensure she is having a savings plan...is she is sensible she will agree...but you saving your money and wanting to use your wife's money for your family is not at all acceptable...

8. you wanted to buy a house for your parents...why dont you buy a house a bangalore and ask your parents to move-in with you...this way your parents will also be finally living in a self-owner house and you will also be entitled to ak your wife to share the cost of the house..

The solution to financial problems in not free money from your wife (be it in the form of dowry or salary)...but to focus and plan and work on it...and ofcourse...get rid of all BIG dreams you cannot fulfil...

And last but certianly not the least...you demanding your wife for all her money is economic violence and it does count under DV...and you said you married her for her salary and you demanded her for the same...demanding money from wife in consideration for the marriage does call 498A...the 498A and the DV on you cannot be called fake...the sooner you realise this...the better for you...

:-)

@ Shwetha

Beauty of Every woman is that "she speaks always keeping status quo in her favour", this is reason if things doesn’t mend their ways, their lethal weapon aka “Tears” help them. If you excavate History throughout any civilization major sin, crime & conviction is committed involving 3 purposes, i.e. Wealth, women & Wine.

But here I’m NOT here to fight for Men v/s Women, I never say all women are bad or Money hunger, But purpose of these laws never ever for what exactly it was meant for.

Let’s examine one by one...

.

.

Arya, Ethically he has done wrong having Sexual Activity with his own MIL, but One thing also to be noticed is he only responsible for this act? His MIL equally responsible for this isn’t it but when law interferes only Arya will be punished for Adultery because there is no provision in Law for punish female in Adultery.

Ashok Kumar, where your Remarkable Comments “ole ole ole babyyyyyyyyyy....kuchi koooo...cho chweeeeet...” Now what we seee helpless man here, Look at his story, Can he do anything? If god forbids he Divorce this lady or Obtain divorce? Who will bear the compensation / expenses of Post Divorce benefits and who will get benefits?

I guess I don’t need to say, Isnt it?  I mean to ask Any safeguard for him here?

Raghav, he is try to relying on his wife income which is itself unethical in my view, But look at this way? His wife can demand not only his earning but also assets which he or his family own through DV, or any other Marital Act means. Does our law provides safeguard to husband? What in case if his wife walked away with all money & still claim compensation under DV?

Aparnaa, she is running for maintenance for years, but have you ever noticed she was saying 75k and 1 lac per month on the place, besides misguidance from her own lawyer so lying at first place and then look for something isn’t it so absurd??

I’m not here to fight here for men versus Women, because I don’t want to be. But laws needs to amended to gender neutral, either gender can be guilty then why only Men suffers with these laws?

Not only men, our own sisters & daughters getting arrested overnight for cases, no matter it is genuine or not?

Are Mothers & sisters are not women?.. Or I could say a woman is the enemy of other woman.

Both want to dominate men in the role of “Mother” of “wife” in the family itself. Where this Man will survive? Will listen to his own mother or to his own wife? Both are equally important for him

DV act do not govern with Indian Evidence Act, so don’t you think this law is unconstitutional? As U.S already declared it in the past?  So there are many many flaws which needs to corrected

@ Genric.......


For most emancipated pseudo freedom seeking metro woman's, in the age of manipulation the cause title of this discussion post has lost its relevance other than time pass author raking it purely on "sentiments and emotions frivolous persuasions" before the eyes of Law and thus eternally gaining sympathy thy name Article 15 (3) Constitution of India.

Some gyan link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fL7f1oFhiBI