I hate my self that I landed into this position, It is very hard to explain and express the problems I am going through in my married life, i am M.Tech professional working as project manager in one of the IT firms in Andhra Pradesh. I preferred to have simple, cool and calm family life so I preferred to marry a normal graduate/ unemployed girl so that she stays at home, takes care of me and my kids.
With high ambitions married to B.A graduate girl around 10 years back, we have two kids ( daughter 8 years old and son 4 years old). My married life was not that great as I dreamed of, many issues made me upset for last 10 years and I have being very patient all these years thinking that things will change and she will understand what I am looking for, but over the years it went from bad to worst and it is daily torture at home, so many nights I preferred to stay back at office till late night worried of going home of hell.
In 10 years of married life, 2 years I was in US when she was pregnant and now for the last one year she is living with her parents. My kids are with me only, she left me and my kids and went to her parents a year back.
Its hard to explain my problems here but I need help so I am expressing these here,
First: They cheated me that she is BA graduate, after marriage I found that she is just 10+2 and did discontinued education after B.A first year, during our initial years of marriage I asked many times on why she discontinued college but I never got an answer except that "not interested in education" ... after couple of years as I wished basic graduation is required for her I tried and pushed her to complete B.A, but she never cooperated. She is like dumb when it comes to domestic works ,. it is like one man army, I have take care of all things at home, starting with buying groceries, taking kids to school, school related activities, hospital treatment what not every everything at home needs to be done by my self, absolutely no support.
Second: She had some psychological problems, its kind of strange behavior in her and I strongly feel because of this their parents stopped her going to college. It took 3 to 4 years for me to understand that its a psychological disorder and it is heredity from her mother side grand family. Immediately after marriage I moved with her to China stayed there for around 8 months, at first I thought it could be home sick or kind of problem. Roughly 10 days in one and half month time she goes to state where she can't do even basic works at home, we can see that there is something wrong in her face. She keeps calm, cannot sleep well, keeps on deep thinking, cannot speak normally, if you give simple water bottle and ask her to tighten the cap she will easily take more than a minute to do this at times. Its very strange, initially I tried to find out why she is upset, she won't respond to the questions most of the times, even if she responds she talks about incidents happened years and years back and start worring about them now. After this 10 days of depression period is over next 10 days its of high energy period, confidence level boost to very high, she becomes arrogant if something doesn't go as per her wish. its kind completely contrasting characters in every 20 days of a month. For some reasons I did not shared this with parents or friends even after I returned back to India after my China trip. Hardly my parents come to my place in Bangalore so they too don't know about this problem at home, it kept on going years and I have been suffering with it. More problems started after we had kids because in this 10 days period it is kind poor parenting to them at home. Even parents from labor families do better care of kids at home than my kids. Its painful to talk about the food my kids eat and I eat during this 10 days of the month.
Third: the only reason why I preferred very less educated girl than my education (I am M.Tech she is B.A at least that's what they said before marriage) is I wanted to nice homely atmosphere, she cooks, keeps the house clean, manages household activities, good parenting to my kids etc., but she never keeps the home clean, I was put into pathetic position I hardly dare to invite any one (from my relatives or friends or neighbors) for a lunch or dinner, I can count on my fingers how many days I have guests at home in 10 years of married life. It is horrible home, you will surprised how people on living in the home where a died cockroach is in the middle of hall with ants around the dead for days if the house maid is not coming to work. Unable to tolerate this I had maid who comes twice a day and cooking maid who comes in the morning to cook for lunch so that I can have lunch box to office. In 7 years of together I hardly had lunch box to office I used to eat outside which had screwed my stomach very badly. Having cooking maid had helped me to get food for lunch but at days I ended up having spoiled food in the dinner if I had late work at office, its same dishes that were cooked in morning is all I get in the night.
Fourth: As the problems at home are increasing, I am loosing patience and I don't want get hurt myself and hurt her at home, so I have decided to move the family to my parents place so that at least my kids will get better food and living atmosphere. I moved them to native place in April 2013, my parents do know that that she had psychological issues in the first month of her stay my parents had tasted the torture of her. They contacted their parents and took permission to take her to Psychologist, they took appointment with leading Psychologist in the town and explained the problems we have with her in those 10 days, as soon as my parents started explaining the symptoms doctor quickly diagnosed the problem and confirmed that its heredity psychological disorder. He said we can try to cure it with medicines and as she started medication she got fever, worrying about side effects of medicine my parents took her again to the same doctor. Doctor said that its a regular fever nothing to worry about medicines he gave for her problem, knowing about this fever next her parents went to my native and they started fighting with my parents saying why you took our daughter to psychologist when there is problem with her in this regard. I was in Hyderabad that time preparing for my final executive MBA exam when they called me about the fight, I said to her and their parents that after my exam the next day I will come to village and discuss about the issue. But without informing to me or my parents over there they just went out took the car and left to their place. At that time my kids (my son is just 4 years old that time) are in front of the main gate waiting for school bus, she did not even cared about the little and went away with her parents in the car. My old age parents stepped up in taking responsibility of my kids especially the small one for the last one year. After around six months she, her parents and bunch of eight people (their relatives) came to my home to discuss with me, literally six months she didn't cared about the kids, she used to call them very occasionally to ask some non sense questions to them which irritated the kids and now kids are not willing to talk to their mother at all. In the discussion with those people I have said all my problems with her and expression my frustration at home, to which they did not answered any thing and left the place without any answers or conclusion. Then they kept quite for six more months, now last week end her parents came again this time they send some political persons to my home to convey that I have to compromise and need to take her back to home in Hyderabad for which I said no. Then they threaten me that they can go to police and complain on me, my parents and my siblings saying that I am demanding money, more dowry from them and also harassed and we pushed her out of the home. This is so frustrating to me, she left me and kids and we somehow managing the little kids at home (without mother) now she comes back with this. Yes my parents took money from them during marriage and it was all spent for marriage expenses, and whatever Gold she got from her home it is still there in the home. And in last 10 years I never (neither my parents) took or asked single penny from them. In fact for her sister marriage I loaned them Rs. 2 Lakh which they return after one year of the marriage. In our tradition all the some of the expenses for setting of new family needs to be paid by girls' family. As I went to China immediately after marriage every thing in my home (from spoons to television) everything I have purchased from my money and I never expected anything from them. I am qualified enough to earn what is required to my family and I don't like to depend on others even on my parents that is my attitude, how fair it is to put me under dowry/money related act ?? Though I am staying alone in Hyderabad and travelling to my native every week end to take my kids in the week end I never thought of going legal divorce to her. Yes I am frustrated, I lost faith or trust on her and I have no intention to live normal married life with her but I never thought of going to legal divorce to her. In fact in 2010 we had big fight at home when my father had heart surgery, she had shown no respect to old age parents of mine especially when the person is undergoing vital heart surgery so I have decided that to my heart she is gone and the only expected I had with her from that day is motherhood to my kids which she failed too. Since that fight back in 2010 I have stopped talking to her its been four years I spoke with her though we are stayed for three years together after that fight in 2010 I never spoke with her all I do is to get whatever groceries required, that's it. Mentally for me she is gone in 2010 it'self I told her very clearly that for me now I don't need Wife but my kids need mother and begged her to take care of them in my absence in day hours. That too she failed, she left them on the road and went to her parents place. I did not complained on this to anybody in fact I was happy that my kids are now with my parents. Now after one year of separation she sends some political people to threaten me on dowry act, how fair it is. Hence I have decided to approach a lawyer and check legal possibility to separate from her completely and first of all I want file a case on them for threatening me.
In the discussion with that political person i told, ok if she wants to go for police complain let her go, I am ready to go jail if this system favors the girl in all trouble marriage cases. But he said that we may include your parents and siblings as well in the case which is ridiculous my siblings are nowhere related to this so it looks like as I am not doing as per their wish (i need to get run-away wife back to my home) so they are using legal favors we have got in the system for girls.
I hate my self that I landed into this position after have very patient life handling all the pain my self in the married life, its so frustrating, depressive moments of my life and I am scared that it will impact my health and career as well. I want to come out of this completely and at any cost I need my kids, in fact if any magistrate or lawyer shows concern to my kids's wish I will be very happy because 200% I am confident that my kids will say that they don't want her and they want stay with me.
Can some one please read my story and guide me how to come out of this horrible life I am leading now. What is the legal procedure in this case I am ready to go to Jail but I want to pull my parents and siblings from this.
Thank You
