Divorce advice needed

Hello Mr. Sudhir,

Hope you managed to maintain your best mental state of affiars. TRy to talk to your wife and settle out the matter, if you do really love her or if there is any love relationship between you and her. Otherwise just take a divorce. You have to take a mutual divorce u/s 13B of Hindu Marriage Act. It can be concluded within just 3 hearings. Onthe third date u can get the decree. but this can be only possible when your wife is also wanting the same thing like you. then again there is a question of alimony. I am pretty sure that she will not let u go without shreddign anything. Any way see what u can do. Before filing a divorce start talking to her and try to convicne her lovingly. This sort of problems generally happens with the NRI's only. As you do not care about takign information of the bride before getting married. the only things u people see is that the bride should be absolutely beautiful and nothing. However you have to pay the price for it.

 

 

@sudhir,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOST OF Metro Urban women in India are like this i.e.

 

1. Manipulator
    
2. Liberal
    
3. Free-minded
    
4. Independent

 

 

 

Yet on Law books which are written in 60s, they still considered as ABLAA, and Dependent.

 

If you stay more, in future she may treat you as Slave!

 

There is no future with wives like this as per your explaination,

she is party-type, modern girl

 

It is better to talk to their parents & Ask for Mutual Concern Divorce. And get married there in Europe with whom you know, Possible NOT an Indian girl. Because Marriage is legal trap now in India...and biased towards men

 

All the best.

you willing went into the trap and now once the initial glaze is diminished fault fininding game starts.

You have to go thorugh the trademill of legal procedures first and than think of choosing another partner.

Please do not think for a moment that things will be easy with foreign ladies, it will a nightmare.

You can still get one from rural area if  you can afford and compromise.

Hello All,

YOU cannot blame all the girls in India just for the sake of one. There are many girls who are educated, not so pretty, yet earning well, looking after the family beofre marriagge and also after marriage. There are girls who are ambitious and who want to make their own way by themselves only without taking anybody's help. But still a guys who are well establishes refuses to reconsider these sort of girls in their life or workplace either out of envy or out of disliking as they are not so good looking. Accordign to me this courtry is changing. We shoudl change out mentality towards man and woman. we shoudl not think that women are only inthis world to be housewives and bear children. I know a lady who is extemly well educated, workign in office and after office hours comes home and do the cooking for her and hubby and in laws. She never asks for anything frm her hubby, no material gifts nothing. yet she is giving, and facing various kinds of family rlated problems, tantrums as these are side gifts of bengaly matrimonial in laws houses.  then pls tell me what will be your opeinion about this sort of a woman???

Originally posted by :Zameer
"	she is party-type, modern girl	"

 

 

u only choose such mod. wives so that you can get a standing in society and so that u can impress your frenz.

 

a simple girl who's non-working and usually wears traditional dresses will not be attractive to you as she is "behenji" type.in fact all men in metros dont like such girls nowadays either as their wives ot GFs.

 

so suffer!!

Originally posted by :sumana
"	Hello Mr. Sudhir, Hope you managed to maintain your best mental state of affiars. TRy to talk to your wife and settle out the matter, if you do really love her or if there is any love relationship between you and her. Otherwise just take a divorce. You have to take a mutual divorce u/s 13B of Hindu Marriage Act. It can be concluded within just 3 hearings. Onthe third date u can get the decree. but this can be only possible when your wife is also wanting the same thing like you. then again there is a question of alimony. I am pretty sure that she will not let u go without shreddign anything. Any way see what u can do. Before filing a divorce start talking to her and try to convicne her lovingly. This sort of problems generally happens with the NRI's only. As you do not care about takign information of the bride before getting married. the only things u people see is that the bride should be absolutely beautiful and nothing. However you have to pay the price for it.	"

Thanks for your reply, to start with I tried my best and she takes thing for granted, like she knows I am not mad enough to do anything to break this marriage. She stays fine for few days and in those days I always treats her well and when see start getting back to normal, she again adopts that routine, same torture game.. like bringing old talks from nowhere as start showing me that she is really suffering etc, but trust me thats not the case at all. She was smoker, drinker but she never told me about this before, she only told me that she drink once a while, but one day she finished half bottle of vodka alone, that made me think that a occasional drinker will never drink alone. And reason she gave is always silly that because of our argument she does that. 

Once I caught her smoking and later again I caught her she bluntly said because we argue she feel depressed and so she smokes, but trust me things are not that bad as she pictures it, when caught in act. 

I discussed this with her parents and no one can now how things are at our end, they will just say .. fights are common between couple, try to solve it, increase love.. blah blah.. but I know it whats going on. 

She either needs some therapy or I will go mad. For now I decided to not divorce but stay separated from her by sending her back to India for few months and see if things changes, if not then I probably will do it. Thast my last try to save our marriage.

 

Originally posted by :Roshni B..
"	Originally posted by :Zameer "   she is party-type, modern girl   "     u only choose such mod. wives so that you can get a standing in society and so that u can impress your frenz.   a simple girl who's non-working and usually wears traditional dresses will not be attractive to you as she is "behenji" type.in fact all men in metros dont like such girls nowadays either as their wives ot GFs.   so suffer!!	"

I didn't married her for any status and I am not that type of guy and I am not looking for any foreign bride either for me Indian girls are best. Its just its not working with us for now and I am trying to find my options.  May be we don't divorce who knows.

Originally posted by :JSDN -advocate DEFENSE
"	you willing went into the trap and now once the initial glaze is diminished fault fininding game starts. You have to go thorugh the trademill of legal procedures first and than think of choosing another partner. Please do not think for a moment that things will be easy with foreign ladies, it will a nightmare. You can still get one from rural area if  you can afford and compromise.	"

Thaks for your reply, if at all I divrorce I will try to be it mutual one, because there is no need of forced divorce and put things in bad light. I did slapped her few times.. because I loose control and I said sorry afterwards and it always that she never keep quite even in her mistakes and keep the environment unhappy whole day. Sometime I feels what make her to continue ignoring her mistake and make me look guilty always for some past incident, which is not at all relevant to current matter. She is very smart to start blaming me for old things which doesn't fit the discussion and she shows me how she is suffering from it. but she is far happy I see. 

Why cant u engage her in some other activity instead of sitting in the house the whole day and do nothing. I mean this is absurd. why cant she do some job over thre? In this way things will improve a bit. This is just a suggestion for u. see what u can do... HOPE THINGS WORK WELL WITH YOU

@Roshni,

 

Don’t jump on anything like this, we don’t force anyone after choosing bride to marry, her consent is equally important at the time of marriage. It depends on girl to girl; a Behenji could also “Lazy”. Moreover I feel Men are more vulnerable to those Behenji type, because they feel after watching Daily serials that “Husband has spoiled our life, its time to teach them lesson filing frivolous case and dominate entire his family”, whereas Modern girl can still take “Chill pill” and Move on.. But again no man can predict insight of any girl or woman.. That’s a bitter truth..

 

@Sudhir,

 

Good to know that you tried you best, if you are thinking for sending back in India, just take a note that laws are very biased here with her parents she may conspire as anything is possible and can’t predict; God forbid, if she backfires with any Dowry law (498a) or Domestic Violence. She may trap you in criminal case later because this is common nowadays in India

 

However If you want to send her back in India, Secretly, Tell your parents to write a Letter to nearest Police Station in detail regarding her eccentric behavior, mentioned the fact that she is alcoholic and smoker, and do weirdest things at home.

That will safeguard you IF anything goes out of situation.

 

Rest you can try their for counseling, and to divert her mind you can ask her to work. Divorce is lengthy process and may bitter things if she won’t agree,

So talk to her parents and herself for Mutual Divorce & Settle it amicably

 

You know, I married a well-educated not so beautiful wife, but I'm still in trouble. She threatens to file a case against me everyday. Good business, huh?

In my situation could anybody please tell me what can be alimony amount. I know its too early to ask this question but I am thinking may be she knows that there can be good money she can get incase we divorce. She is 30 well educated, we have no kids, can get job easily. Not in here because she we have language issue as local language differs from English. Also, she is into management and hence language play a role in such kind of job profile. What alimony amount I am looking at?

Oh My GOD... Pls tell her that how comfortable life she is leading. Life is full of surprises. anything can happen at any moment. I really dont understand why people create uncecessary trouble inthe house. You both are married. having each and evry comfort in the house. then where is the question of blaming each other for petty mistakes. CAn you pls talk to her lovingly and wittingly while pointing her mistakes. why cant u bring amusement in your life with a lot of fun and comedy. you can lead a happy life. I think she is matured enough to undersand the things. Side by side pls report whatever happens to you or whatever u suffer for her mistakes to her parents in a different light, not with object to complain. Let her parents know all this. My dear frnd you have got only one life, you will not get a chance to undo things here. So whatever u do think twice and act wisely. ur wife is a so called mordern girl. According to the definition of Indian mordern girl she does not fit into it anyway. because India is a develloping country and Indian girls are contributing a lot to make the country proud in every aspects. They are educated, they do not depend upon anybody else for their basic food and lodging. those days are gone where the girl has to be white skinned and beautiful so that she can rope a weathy husbad to feed her for the rest of her life. My dear frnd marriage is not a one night stand. its the question of whole life. you may see abeautiful face but that beautiful face may  not have an practical brain in it. I hope u r understnading my point. Just ask urself whether u love her or not. if the answer comes yes. then talk to her and try to mend things. and if the answer comes No then very carefully deal with divorce. So test urself wht the situation and how much water u r into and then take the decision. BYE GOOD luck.

 

@Zameer

“MOST OF Metro Urban women in India are like this i.e.

 Manipulator
 Liberal
 Free-minded
 Independent”

 

Zameer bhai, MOST but not always.Though, in our family only one third-class woman managed to marry one of my uncle, all others are educated,libral,free minded,Independent & modern. Some are in job some are in self-business, some are housewives. Irony is barring this one house wife auntie , the other working aunties & bhabhis are more family oriented. Now we are all living in different cities so no question of joint family but still family if prime for them. Even for my wife & late mom. One of my bhabhi (& Bhaiya too) is now professor in highly reputed college in delhi. She wore modern cloths occasionally, still living harmonically with her MIL, willingly cook before leaving for college, maintaining house properly. Rather I’ll say my bhaiya is more lazy. One of my uncle- auntie are in business in Bombay, regularly attending party but taking care of old FIL-MIL. All problems are with this less educated-semi metro auntie.